Saturday, December 15, 2007

This Could have been Predicted

When I saw them drag that tree into the house I thought to myself "This will all end in tears." Sure enough the grey cat who lives in the house tells me there's been a terrible misunderstanding. She thought it was a gift for her; sort of a climbing apparatus/toy dispenser. It's covered in shiny things and yet she is expected to touch nothing. Strangest of all there is some family heirloom that consists of a group of tiny figures in a tiny barn. Apparently, those are highly untouchable and the miniscule people are not to be chased down the heat grate or carried around by their heads. She tried to make amends by leaving her old toys under the tree but the humans aren't interested in an exchange program.

Speaking of toys, I thought it best to give TJ my rubber chewing blob - it's called a Kong - I haven't played with it in years, so I pushed it from the back of my stall and out into the aisle. He beat the thing even more lifeless, keeping us all awake into the small hours. The woman went all maudlin and said "Oh Sheaffer, you do like him afterall!" Amazing how she can leap to such spectacularly wrong conclusions.

She forgot to close the tack room door last night and TJ vandalized the entire room. He ate five pounds of carrots and some mints and tipped over the garbage and went though every item. He tried to operate the pump handle but fortunately couldn't quite manage. All we need is to be frozen to the floor, encased in ice up to our knees when the woman comes out in the morning. He didn't even offer to share the looted carrots - not that I would ever be tempted by stolen property. Molly nearly lost her mind and left dents in the bottom of her door.

The humans keep running off to festive occasions and having mobs of people over here, so many that a donkey can hardly collect his thoughts. To a person, they ask if my New Year's resolution is to lose weight. If only I could talk, there'd be some humans suddenly struck dumb when I began to ask THEM highly personal questions.

3 comments:

Alex the Elk said...

Strangley, I think TJ and me might be related...

Caspar said...

Ooooh - I would stomp on TJ if he ate my carrots and mints. I'm a thoroughbred who just came off the track, and I've just recently discovered treats. I feel I must IMMDIATELY make up for the previous 4 years of my life when I didn't know what treats were. Unfortunately, I'm quite large and my zeal for treats has accidentally resulted in a minor injury or two, so I am currently banned from treats until I learn more 'manners'.

So whilst trying to take my mind off my lack of treats (and this, the 'season of giving' HAH!), I discovered your blog. I have quite enjoyed it. I think the woman who keeps you and the woman who keeps me sound similar. Sometimes she's ok, but other times she becomes completely unglued for no apparent reason. I don't know if she doesn't understand my sense of perspective in life or if she is merely mentally unstable. I'm glad to know I am not alone in being cared for by an unpredictable female.

Keep warm, Sheaffer, and continue to write your lovely epistles.

Cheers, Caspar.

ponymaid said...

A kindred spirit! Caspar, it's so good to hear another normal equine has joined ranks with me against the unfathomable humans and irritating equines. The things we have to put up with...Humans are both dim and mentally unstable, so I'm afraid you can't expect much progress on that front. Re: TJ, do you think when it's less snowy you could come to my house and "accidently" stomp on him? Would look like an accident, of course...