I think I mentioned a while back that my generously girthed friend CindyLouWho, a magnificent, grey edifice of a horse, sent me a surprise package to relieve the monotony of my days. Her mission was wildly successful and we four equines are now addicted to a wonderful food called Gummy Worms. Along with those came some of our favourite white mints and, a first for us, some pink mints that deliver a satisfyingly strong jolt.
I had been forewarned of the impending arrival of a surprise package and so was expecting the brown box on wheels that appeared in our driveway. A cheerful sort of male human said he had a package for Sheaffer - that's me - and all four of us crowded the fence to oversee the delivery. The driver complimented all of us on our shiny coats and friendly demeanor but instead of handing me the box, he entrusted it to Herself.
I began to stalk off in an offended manner but the woman said I could go into the barn with her and help to unwrap the parcel. I brightened up considerably. Jack and I went inside and the horses were left out, which is the proper state of affairs. With much fumbling of the hoofpick and general clumsiness, she finally got the box open. We gasped at the treasure within. A round container with colourful stringy things in it and a label that said: VERMIFUGE DEFENSE. There were instruction, too, and these said:
HIDE THESE GUMMY WORMS IN THE BACK OF YOUR ROOM, IN THE CORNER, WHERE THE WOMAN NEVER GOES. WHEN YOU SEE HER HEADING TOWARDS YOU WITH THAT 'VERMIFUGE LOOK' IN HER EYE, GET YOUR MOUTH FULL OF THESE AND, WHEN SHE GETS NEAR YOU, LOOK HORRIFIED AND SPIT THEM OUT AT HER FEET. TELL HER THAT SHE HAS GOTTEN SO SCARY, SHE SCARED THE WORMS RIGHT OUT OF YOU! THAT SHOULD TEACH HER!
CLW (CINDY LOU WHO)
Utterly brilliant. as you can see. The plan came apart when she opened the lid, let us smell the contents and said "You can try some with your dinner". There is just no wresting control from the resident despot. She showed us the other two bags that were nestled in the box and they said "Canada Mints" and had a charming illustration of a group of donkeys underneath. How utterly civilized. She opened the bag of pink mints and passed them around. Molly inhaled hers, Doc made faces but ate his, Jack said nothankyouhe'dstickwiththewhiteones and I sniffed mine thoroughly and then slid it into my mouth. Like a fine old cheese or well-aged bottle of port, the taste built slowly, finishing in a blast of what I believe is called wintergreen. My eyes watered a bit and I sneezed a few times and the woman said I looked like an Archbishop taking snuff. It was all most satisfying.
She broke out the Gummy Worms with dinner, as promised, and they were a sensation. Molly inhaled hers like spaghetti, Doc spat his out and picked it up several times before finally deciding it wasn't dangerous, Jack refused to make eye contact with his and I snorted and retreated to the back of my stall. The woman put four of the gift worms in my bowl for me to examine at my leisure. I took my time but after touching one with the tip of my tongue, I proceeded to explore further. Texture: strangely slippery. Taste: fruity, with flowery undertones. Conclusion: excellent and now a staple in a well-balanced donkey diet.
Of course, these gift items - correction, MY gift items, are being doled out like the rarest truffles, in very small quantities and not frequently enough. Oh well, I suppose 'tis enough to fleetingly taste the foods of the gods.