Sunday, June 24, 2012

I May Be An Addict!

It happened like this, casually, without thought, as so many of these situations do. Let this be a warning to others.

I was halfway through my meagre dinner portion when the woman leaned into my room and tipped a small bag of unindentified white powder into my bowl. I suppose I shouldn't have been too surprised as she is given to bizarre actions that make no sense. Of course MY natural reaction was to snort loudly while attempting to identify said powder. The result was a that a toxic cloud enveloped us and a good portion of the stuff was drawn directly into my sinus cavities. Too late, I realized she must have snuck a vast quantity of cocaine into my food! Why, I could not say, nor could I imagine where she would have acquired such an amount of the stuff.

I retreated to the far corner of my room, snorting and hacking, in an effort to rid myself of the white peril. I could feel the effects on my brain almost immediately. I felt curiously exhilarated and buoyed up and the more I thought about it the more I quite liked the experience. Just like that, I had been launched on the road to perdition. Of course, Herself found it all highly amusing. Those people do, once they have you hooked.

She accused me of being overly dramatic and even pursued me with the bowl, invitating me to take just the tiniest of tastes as she was sure I would like it. And heaven help me, I eventually did just that. It tasted...well, strangely minty. Not at all what I expected but most pleasant. Obviously I was a prime candidate for addiction. And that's when she explained that it was the residue from the bottom of the bag of English mints.

Honestly, you think she might have mentioned the mint element before putting me through all that. But no. She simply cackled in a most unbecoming manner and called me "overly dramatic". Pshaw. Just another typical day at the madhouse. Now I must work on restoring my sinuses to normal operating condition.


BumbleVee said...

the road to perdition...hahhaha....awww.... you are so cute Sheaffer.....

I'm sure you would've figured out it was similar to one of your favourite treats pretty quickly and realized then that you were not being totally hoodwinked..... but, you're right... it was rather strange the way she went about it wasn't it?

billie said...

The Woman enjoys bringing you life experiences from all walks of life, it seems!

My question is this. If there were a bag of English mints about, why in the world did YOU get the DUST?


Demand answers!

Dougie Donk said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dougie Donk said...

Never mind answers - DEMAND BETTER TREATMENT!!

Our woman was well trained by her first ex-racehorse & buys boxes of Polo mints from the Cash & Carry. We get a packet shared between the 4 of us every night. Yum!

ponymaid said...

Vee, she can always be counted upon to behave strangely. I should have adjusted by now but somehow she always manages to take me by surprise. Sigh.

ponymaid said...

billie, you have hit the proverbial nail on the head! She SAYS it's because the mints had run out and she thought I would enjoy the crumbs and dust. I feel like the donkey version of Oliver Twist.

ponymaid said...

Dougie, I fear Herself is quite untrainable. I have tried those Polo mints myself and approve highly. When we do have mints on hand she doles them out like a miser. My quota is two in my dinner bowl. I rest my case.

completecare said...

Hi Sheaffer,

Around here we don't get the dust let alone mints. Again this year our human has all of us on a weight loss program. We are lucky if we get a sliver of carrot when the vet or farrier come to visit. Our walking track has been extended and now we have to walk twice as far to get to our hay feeder. Life is tough here at The Roost. Believe me mint dust would be a real treat.

Your fan,


ponymaid said...

Willy, why are humans so obsessed with weight loss in donkeys?! Making you trudge to your food - what next? Large, donkey-powered wheels that run their electricals? Wouldn't surprise me in the least. I can only hope for some weakening on their part wherein you recieve a tasty morsel or two, and not just on farrier day.