Monday, August 27, 2012

The Equi-Garburator

That would be Wilson, of course.
The event in question unfolded just as the humans were expecting company. Wilson's timing was exquisite. Herself came bustling out to the barn, wheeled in the refuse transporter and threw a large mass of "compost" into it. She regarded us distractedly, said "Ohhhh, flymasks" and disappeared into the barn. Wilson examined the large mass and without pausing for breath, scarfed the lot. The Woman returned, flymasks in hand. She looked highly puzzled and searched the area. Then she looked highly alarmed and, clutching the veterinarian's card, rushed off to make telephonic communication with him.
Wilson ate: a large coffee filter and grounds, bunches of green onions and a quantity of cabbage, amongst other revolting and slimy things. The Woman feared the filter would create some sort of clog in Wilson's digestive workings, causing him extreme distress as well as "weirdin' out the guests" as Wilson put it. I must note here that he developed the worst halitosis I've ever encountered and it endured unabated for the balance of the day.
The veterinarian's diagnosis: a large bran mash was prescribed, and a warning that though Wilson would probably be fine (it seems the filter is a form of fibre) the rich mixture of composting refuse would undoubtedly leave him highly flatulent and rather hyperactive for the near future. He was absolutely right. Wilson trotted around busily, enveloped in a cloud of vile green gas for several hours. The guests seemed quite impressed (or possibly horrified).
Next morning, Wilson was quite recovered. In fact, on his way out the door, he picked up a curry comb, brushed the floor with it, and then stepped across the aisle and began brushing my face. The Woman was highly amused. I was not.
Footnote: I should add that the veterinarian said horses often enjoy eating paper products and in fact one of his clients ate his own export papers, which had been attached to his stall door. Our dear, departed pony Daisy ate the larger part of a questionable publication called "Awake" or "Watchtower" or some such thing, left by a group of religious zealots. She absorbed none of the contents and remained a life-long heathen.

22 comments:

libraryperson said...

More adventures with all your four legged friends - this is a funny one.

billie said...

Something tells me we have entered a new era here on your blog, Sheaffer. Reminiscent of the one previously known as TJ!!!!!

The Woman is going to have to stay fully on her toes now!!

ponymaid said...

libraryperson - Wilson assures me on a daily basis that he is very funny indeed...sigh.

ponymaid said...

billie - he is TJ-like in some respects but the main difference is that he loves human company and feels a deep need to entertain them. And thank heavens, his energy level is a fraction of that possessed by the demon mule. As for Herself being on her toes - I think he already has the upper hoof.

billie said...

Sheaffer, I should have elaborated - I meant mostly the potential for endless stories and pondering - my ulterior motive being that you WRITE MORE POSTS - :)

ponymaid said...

billie - ahhhh, I see what you mean. I feel quite sure Wilson is full to the brim with potential stories...some of them printable. I mean, honestly, I refuse to write about any more incidents of massive flatulence. A donkey has his limits.

billie said...

Quite right - this IS a blog of higher thoughts and ponderings, after all, not the Daily Enquirer!!

I trust your judgment. All the news that is fit to print.

Dougie Donk said...

Oh my, I suspect Wilson may be from the same bloodlines as Dennis! Does he have a haughty look, a strange Virginia accent and relations who should be expelled? (Or perhaps that last bit might be a daddy called Expelled?)

Either way, I would warn your woman not to leave valuables lying around. My vocabulary became hugely expanded the day that Dennis tried to take our photos with the woman's new SLR!

ponymaid said...

Dougie - Great Scot! He doesn't have a haughty look, more of a slightly manic gleam in his eye but he does have a mid-state Michigan accent. I have not heard his father's name mentioned but if he were to attend school he would certainly be expelled for being a repeat practical joker. And kleptomaniac. He cheerfully takes anything that isn't fastened to the floor. By the way, perhaps Dennis could have an easel and paints, if not a camera. I understand there are horses who do quite well selling their art work.

Denise at Autumn Sky said...

I find the tales of Wilson's antics very entertaining. I can imagine a cartooned drawing of him blowing gas around the yard. Such fun....unless you are nearby, I suppose.

Dougie Donk said...

Sheaffer, the thought of voluntarily letting Dennis have access to paining materials fills me with horror!

He had to be physically relocated when the woman was tarting up her showjumps, as my stable was beginning to resemble one of Kandinsky's less structured moments. Listening to Brahms is a much more soothing suggestion.

ponymaid said...

Denise - Indeed, Wilson was veritably jet propelled. I'm sure he could serve as a dispenser of noxious gas in any theatre of war. He has assured me that he was quite impressed by the level of rapid forward propulsiorn he achieved. I just tried to remain strategically in front of him until the worst of it passed.

ponymaid said...

Dougie - But think of the millions he might bring in! It could help to ameliorate any structural or collatoral damages. On secon thought, just give him the camera.

I also like Brahms though I find him a bit of a rakish young upstart. Bach's early organ works - now there is something with gravitas...

Dougie Donk said...

Gravitas & Dennis? Not a natural pairing really! He's much more of an early Sex Pistols sort of chap.

I do wish the woman would procure me another donkey for company. Is there no hope of your much longed-for visit to Scotland?

Sigh......

Calm, Forward, Straight said...

Sheaffer-

We can indeed confirm equine's having a discriminating palette that appreciates wood pulp products. (After all, they seem to appreciate wood in the pre-pulp stage don't they?!)

Valentino recently enjoyed himself some post-it notes... the stick-um made them extra tasty! ;D

Calm, Forward, Straight said...

Ugh - pardon the extraneous apostrophe!

ponymaid said...

Dougie - Sex Pistols! The mind boggles...I think you and I need to, as Wilson says "blow this popscicle stand" and head for warmer climes where the sand is warm and life serene.

ponymaid said...

Calm,Forward,Straight - I think Valentino is a superlative horse name. Did he mention if those post-it notes were flavoured? They always strike me as rather banana-ish. I would very much like to try them myself but of course they are just one more thing on the forbidden list. One day, one day...

Not to worry about the apostrophe. I always feel one can't have too many of those.

Chris said...

Ha! This post left me chuckling - particularly about a trotting pony with flatulence.. sounds like a rather amusing take on the events of the day :)

completecare said...

Hi Sheaffer,
I hear our human and our Girl Friday were to visit you on Friday. Word has it that they also spent time visiting with Wilson. From all reports he was very polite - no flatulence - at least not when the humans were in the area.

My large, warmblood friend will eat anything. He is a very messy eater so he uses a flattened feedbag as a placemat. Our human has to be quick to grab the placemat as soon as he is finished his meal or he will rip large strips off the paper bag and devour them. The paper might work as fibre but I am sure the resulting by product would be interesting to see.

After your visit, I was told that the humans went somewhere to indulge in some sort of foodstuff called butter tarts. I was not invited but I am sure I would have enjoyed sampling these so called tasty treats.

Now, when our compost pail is brought to the barn to be emptied on the manure pile it is locked away safely in the tack room until it can be disposed off. We don't need the four of us having tummy troubles like Wilson.

Four flatulent donkeys might be a bit much for anyone to survive!!!!

Your fan,

Willy

ponymaid said...

Chris - very pleased you could join us. Just be grateful it's in a virtual way and not in person because Wilson is still on the, ahhhh, rather odouriferous mode. I try to graze in front of him these days, if you take my meaning.

ponymaid said...

Willy - Wilson behaved fairly well except for some experimental gnawing on the wood fence to attract attention. My only advice on your paper-eating friend is, stay upwind. I was not informed of the eating outing upon which the humans embarked. She never tells me anything about her perigrinations. Typical. Four Flatulent Donkeys - hehhehheh - sounds like a Restoration Comedy by Sheridan. I await early retorts - I mean reports...