Sunday, September 28, 2008

A Man - Errr - Donkey of The Cloth

I have some extraordinary news. The humans had dinner with friends in "the city" and returned to tell me I have been invited to St. Nicholas Anglican Church on Kingston Road in Toronto next Sunday. There is a ceremonial service to which all animals are invited on behalf of St. Francis Assisi (a very sensible sort of saint who devoted his life to animal welfare).

I assume I am to give the sermon and have been toiling away into the wee small hours on a talk I have honed down to just under three hours. It deals with the animal/human/spiritual connection throughout the ages. We donkeys are responsible for building most of the ancient world and our spiritual connection to a greater power is well known. A donkey carried Mary into Bethlehem to have her child and a donkey waited at the foot of the cross and a donkey carried Jesus on Easter Sunday. That is how we came to have the cross marked clearly on our back and shoulders. We wear this badge with honour. I was a natural choice for what the male human calls this "gig".

There is much fussing about Jack's welfare - should he come with me or should he stay home. We decided the trip would be far too traumatic, as he might think he was being moved away. A very nice human has volunteered to stay with him and hold his hoof as it were. There is a stockpile of food to ease his worries, a full grooming kit, a route mapped out should he wish to take a walk and various phone numbers in case we need to rush back. He is at an age where he views all change as evil but hopefully three hours without my company won't stress him unduly.

The minister has notified the congregation of my coming and the woman will ask him to mention PrimRose Donkey Sanctuary so more people can find out about the plight of needy donkeys. Now I need to plan what to wear. A simple robe and some sort of clerical headgear? Dear readers, what do you think? I have been told I cannot have that magnificent headpiece worn by the upper clergy of the Greek Orthodox church, so that's that. Can I hope to see some of you there?

9 comments:

dinah said...

Please please please post pictures of this event and tell us what happens in detail!! I'm eager to see what a clerical donkey looks like :)

OzArab said...

Oh I wish I could see you in action!
I think a simple white robe would be appropriate for a saintly donkey. :)
My human took a pet lamb to church one day for Christmas. It was very popular. I expect that after this effort you will have whole new legions of adoring fans.

billie said...

Oh my - we would be there if it were possible, Sheaffer!

I cannot WAIT to see pictures, and I certainly hope the woman is planning to at the very least transcribe your sermon for those of us who can't be there to hear it.

What an honor! How lucky the church is to have you there.

Dougie Donk said...

My woman has very selfishly decided that my friend Tammy & myself would have to be accompanied by her & that the combined transportation costs are "beyond her budget" Humph!

I will be there in spirit & look forward to seeing the pictures & hearing the transcript of your sermon.

ponymaid said...

Thank you, my friends, your support means the world to me. I'm sorry that the majority of you can't be with me but as dougie said, I know you'll be with me in spirit. I am still toiling away on my sermon and have expanded it to include some fire and brimstone directed at the fiends who would abuse donkeys (I will direct a stern look at the woman at this point). I have requested special effects for this bit and of course have been denied, though the woman may borrow Mr. Gale's trick and crash two metal lids together at the appropriate time. She's still looking for an appropriate hat, or mitre.

robert5721 said...

Sheaffer,
only a cardinal's headgear will do, if not the Pontifical hat with all the jewels on it!! What a great adventure!! I really think that Mr Jack should go with you, if only for his recollections of that time period. As long as he can stay with you, he should have no problems with feeling like he will be left to the winds. You can assure him that he will NEVER have to worry about being alone again!! You are a great icon for the donkey world, and will get legions of new followers from this adventure. WE WANT PICTURES!!!!
MR GALE

robert5721 said...

Sheaffer,
the hamburger picture is great, but I and Dicey want to see the hot dog model that you and Mr Jack made!!
Mr Gale

ponymaid said...

Mr. Gale, as usual your idea is superior - the papal hat!! Yes, that's what I need. I would fit just nicely between my ears. I will advise the woman to write to the pope immediately to ask if I may borrow his most jewel-encrusted head gear (I quite like his bejewelled formal shoes as well).

That damnable burger has regained most of it's shape. We did manage to make two holes in it so the water can seep in. We turned it into a water dog.

Buddy said...

Can't wait to see pics of your great papal adventure. Is Molly going to be by your side - perhaps as a bodyguard?

Well I sure hope you enjoy yourself - wish I could go to something as wonderful - but I'm not so sure they do that here in Pahrump. So a full report will be necessary. My woman and I will be there in spirit.