Friday, May 7, 2010

Attacked by A Sasquatch in My Own Room!

This is how it came to pass. The woman was grooming Doc in the aisle one evening this week just after we finished our hot meal and what with his contented sighing and the sound of brushing in the background I must have slipped into a light doze. Next was Molly's turn but I knew from the sounds that a transfer in the crossties has taken place and didn't even bother to open my eyes to check. More sighing, more brushing, more dozing. A drowsy peacefulness settled over the barn.

There was some clunking and clomping and thumping as Molly made her way back into her room and I slowly opened one eye to survey the aisle. Well! Making it's way toward me on invisible feet was an enormous, hairy mass, approximately three times the size of Penny. It skulked sideways in an evil and stealth-like manner. Then it paused when it saw me looking at it and pretended to subside to the floor. I gave the alarm and Jack awoke, bumping his head on his gate, Doc rushed to his front window to scan the horizon and Molly smacked her lips and went back to sleep.

As usual the woman instantly questioned my sanity, Doc said he didn't see "nothin", and Jack demanded to know what in tarnation I was playin' at. The woman saw the source of my consternation and began to giggle in her inane way. "Sheaff, look, it's the mass of hair I combed out of Molly", she said. She prodded it with her toe and it collapsed. It seems that, ahem, it's levitation was a result of a breeze blowing through the back door. Honestly, I close my eyes for a nano second and the world goes mad. And by the way, what normal horse can shed that amount of hair every night for weeks on end? I need a holiday, especially as my party plans are gaining momentum. I don't want dark circles under my eyes on the big day.


Gazelle said...

Poor Sheaffer, how frightening for you ! I know exactly how you feel. I too have Sasquatches in my house, except mine are made of Bunny Fur instead of Molly Hair but they're equally as devious as yours because you see the Bunny who's shedding all that fur is grey, an exact match for the concrete floor in his room (aka my laundry room). His "Dust Bunnies" blend right in and then suddenly spring to life when I try to sweep up down there. Very scary indeed !

Never mind. Think of happier things like your upcoming party. I'm putting together a "Brighty of the Grand Canyon" basket for the Silent Auction. I'll send your Woman a picture when it's ready.
There will be the Brighty Movie on DVD and a Bryers Collectible Figurine of Brighty himself. I'm told such things are much in demand, especially discontinued models which he is, so I'm hoping he will go home with a generous new owner.

Gazelle & Bunny

billie said...

Oh, that Brighty basket sounds wonderful!!!

Sheaffer, I am sorry you were attacked by a huge hairy thing in your own room - what a frightful experience!

We have little ones flying about everywhere these days. I keep seeing them out of the corners of my eyes, thinking there are mice running about!

ponymaid said...

Gazelle, if it isn't snow it's sasquatches. Sigh. I hope it dawns fair on the big day. I saw the photo of the Brighty basket and it's spectacular. Herself promises a write-up and illustration asap. I may have to delve into my meagre funds and declare myself in the running come bidding day. I can just picture that rare figurine on my trophy shelf...

Billie, you have sasquatches too?? There is an epedemic. Are there such things as sasquatch removers? I really do think you'd better come for the party - you could inspect Brighty in person.

billie said...

Sheaffer - I meant to say - does The Woman really call you "Sheaff" ???

That took me by surprise - somehow I can only think of you as Sheaffer - no nicknames!

I wish I could come to your party. It would be so much fun.

Buddy said...

Hay Sheaffer - I just read that dandylions are good for equines - it cleanses their livers!

So eat em all up!

Your fren,

ponymaid said...

Oh Billie, you have no idea. I am not a nickname sort of donkey and yet when she is feeling particularly maudlin and sentimental she has even been know to call me Sheaffey-Waeffey. I know,I know - if I had fillings it would make them ache. If you come to my party you can see for yourself just how embarrassing she truly is.

Buddy, my liver can do with a good cleansing after the snow we received on the weekend. Fortunately those Dandy Lions are tough customers and simply shrug off the white curse. Some of the tame flowers and plants in the garden are looking quite shell-shocked.

billie said...

It looks like our Chinese friend has a lot to say about this! If only we knew what it was! :)

I never call Rafer Johnson anything except Rafer, Rafer Johnson, or Dr. Johnson.

But I confess. I sometimes call Redford "Redbug."

ponymaid said...

Billie, very verbose, our Chinese correspondent...I wonder what on earth they are saying? You do well to simply call Rafer "Rafer" or Dr. Johnson - even better. Even "Redbug" is not entirely without charm - but I ask you, "Sheaffey"? I really will die of mortification if she pulls that out of her nickname hat at the party...

completecare said...

Hi Sheaffer,

I hope you are feeling better after your experience with the Sasquatch. It must have been terrifying for you. I hope your woman gave you lots of mints and gummi worms to settle your nerves.

We don't have to worry about Sasquatches around here as our human uses the vacuum cleaner at this time of year. It certainly reduces the amount of hair and dust flying around. The horses really enjoy the experience and do all sorts of weird contortions which can be very entertaining. We donkeys, have our turn with the vacuum even though we haven't started to shed yet. Good thing as it has been quite cold the last few nights.

It is good to hear that you are starting to prepare for your birthday party. Dark circles under your eyes wouldn't look good so make sure you get lots of rest between now and the big day. If you have trouble sleeping just ask for a few gummi worms as a bedtime snack. They will reduce your stress level and allow you to have a calm, relaxing sleep.

Your Fan,


ponymaid said...

Willy, she gave me exactly nothing except thinly veiled sarcasm - my usual fare. I like that vacuum cleaner idea - very tidy but would it work with a hairy beast like La Molly? Is there machinery strong enough to cope with that sort of onslaught? By the way, thank you for sending two of your humans to help with the festivities - I hope they won't be worked to the bone. Herself is a well-known slave driver. I have heard that cool camomile tea bags might help with the under-eye dark circles. And then I could eat the tea bag. Will report.