Monday, November 22, 2010

From The Fog

It's probably best that I'm not able to speak to you live - we wouldn't be able to see each other. The fog and rain are as thick as a winter blanket. Of course the woman keeps lurching up behind me and scaring me half to death. Someone should install a fog horn on her... or she could just use her normal speaking voice.

She and the male human are going off to America for that nation's version of Thanksgiving, where she will no doubt proceed to annihilate their turkey and pie reserves. The good news is that we will have the admirable Jamie catering to our every need. He requires nothing of us except that we eat the delicious food he prepares. No exercise, no nagging and no critiquing of body shape. He also bats Sally's toy mouse around to perfection, allowing her to play the role of a large, predatory feline. The toy mouse contains a pleasant smelling herb that encourages her to ever greater feats of stalking and pouncing. When it's effect wears off, she retreats to her plush igloo to recover.

To the United States of America, I send you my heartfelt sympathies, but rest assured, it's only for five days. However, I also thank you for this respite from a tongue "sharper than a serpent's tooth" (at least on the subject of random wood chewing). Our rail fencing may be prove to be surprisingly remodelled when she returns.

18 comments:

Finn the Wonder Pony said...

Oh My, Sheaffer!
I think I must advise my woman to take your advice and post the gone fishing notice on the door... you've rather alarmed me. I think I vaguely remember them bringing me things last year, but one can never be too careful...
Rejoice in the rain and fog; at least it's not sn*w!
Your Fren,
Finn

billie said...

Sheaffer, we wish you equines were coming along and could travel on down to us. But Jamie will keep you all happy and maybe you can teach him to transcribe and post some "while The Woman is away" posts...!

ponymaid said...

Finn Pony - yes, use the gone fishing notice - Herself does not participate in that activity and is therefore unlikely to follow you. I can only surmise that the individual you remember bringing you treats was someone else altogether - she is notoriously stingy.

ponymaid said...

Oh Billie, the unmitigated joy that would be - seeing you chez vous! I would love to dictate some of my more searing observations to Jamie but Herself is most careful to ensure that no one hears the unvarnished truth. She's much like Stalin, but without the charm.

South Valley Girl said...

Greetings Scheaffer and crew:

It's been a while since I've posted a comment, but I've been following your blog at home and back at work after having had TWO hips replaced, one in May and the second one in September. As always I've enjoyed your take on the world and The Woman's doings, and always look forward to a new chapter.

I wanted to wish you and yours a happy almost-Winter, Thanksgiving, whatever you're celebrating these days, and send best wishes to my Canadian friends. Here in New Mexico things are, as always, sunny and mostly warm, with just enough nip in the air in the mornings to remind us what time of year it is. I hope you have a benign winter and don't get too much of that white stuff that you dislike so much.

Your obedient servant,

Christina / SVG

Buddy said...

Hay Sheaffer - come on down to Nevada for Thanksgiving - mom is having people over to eat turkey and she promises me extra carrots. Its really cold here - no higher than 45 today - 20 at night - had my blankie on last night and tonight - and I welcomed it - brrrrrrrrr.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL!!

Your fren,

Fred 'n Ginger said...

Greetings all from cold damp Canada

We are also fresh from foot trims supervised by the Fat Lady, which means we get tied to the wall so that we can't sit on the farrier.

Our farrier guy is 6'3" so he avoids trimming our feet whenever he can get away with it. Something about teeny tiny feet four inches off the ground...

As we are now almost 3 years old, we have reluctantly learned to behave (sort of). This of course did not prevent of from escaping the paddock last week and turning the beautifully landscaped back yard into something resembling the Battle of the Somme.

We are packing on big brown coats so now look like yaks instead of moose. Alas we have not been offered any of the classic equine couturier wear that our large brown leader is wearing - another example of anti-donkey prejudice.

Sheaffer, speaking of leadership and donkeys striking a blow against such prejudice, get Jamie to show you this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xD6ghskNKa8

Up donkeys!!

Buddy said...

Hay Sheaffer - kinda sad here - last night our doggie fren Jamie was attacked - not sure if a coyote or a dog - but he spent the night at the vet and is home - is all torn up - limping - on drugs so he is out there - mom is tending to his every need, WHAT ABOUT ME - I have needs - I need love - she did brush me this morning and her fren Kathie gave me some loves - I feel bad for poor Jamie but I need love too!!

Your sad fren,

Gazelle said...

Oh Buddy, I do hope poor Jamie Dog will be OK. What a scary place you live in. You need a Guard Donkey to scare away any nasty intruders. Or ... Do you think YOU could learn to BRAY ?

Dougie Donk said...

Sheaffer

Knowing your own & Jack's dislike of vermifuge, I just had to share a story that was published in the Scottish newspapers this week.

A farmer in France has just be fined 30,000 Euros for growing cannabis plants, which he said were "excellent for worming the ducks"

I think he has perhaps taken the need to avoid resistance to chemicals a tad too far... LOL!!

ponymaid said...

Christina/SVG - you have been missed! I am very sorry to hear of your tribulations with both hips and hope you are feeling much more agile by now. Thank you for your holiday greetings - though I'm afraid we were left on this side of the border with our ladle of gruel for sustenance. Herself ate virtually everything in your country. We look forward to hearing news of hips, cats and opera capes.

ponymaid said...

Buddy, thank you for your kind wishes but good heavens, how is poor Jamie doing? Those coyotes are villians and savage lunatics. They very nearly had Penny this summer and I know the results would have been equally horrific. Please let us know how the poor lad is faring.

ponymaid said...

Ginger, my boy, keep up the good work on the landscaping! There seems to be a lot of discrimination taking place around you so you must rebel in any fashion that comes to hoof. I watched the film you recommended quite carefully and enjoyed it but confess to being somewhat perplexed. Surely they mean the Clydesdales wish to be magically turned into donkeys? It must be so, otherwise it simply doesn't make sense. Keep up the trampling on the home front - makes 'em wonder what's next.

ponymaid said...

Gazelle, I too am interested in hearing if Buddy has channeled his inner donkey and perfected his bray. I do think a donkey is in order on his homestead. Those coyotes could do with a taste of their own meds.

ponymaid said...

Dougie, Jack would like to know where he might procure some of this magical vermifuge. He feels that a medicinal herb is far preferable to the white paste forced down our gullets. Do you think they carry it at the local feed store?

Buddy said...

Sheaffer - Little Jamie is doing well. Mom brings him out to do his bidness several times a day and she loves on me while he is finding the right spot. Poor little guy limping around - can hardly stand to left his leg to pee - but he is fighter that one! He gets to go to work with mom tomorrow - hrmp - why can't I go??

Your fren,

Dougie Donk said...

Sheaffer, I suspect that Jack may have to do without this herbal vermifuge; as your woman would have to frequent some VERY seedy areas to procure it.

She might even merit the attentions of your police authorities & spend some time in prison.... would Jamie look after you for a few years?

ponymaid said...

Dougie, I don't mind at all sending Herself to seedy areas - do you think they might rough her up? I gather from your hints that this particularly effective herb is not available "over the counter" at our local feed store, or even pharmacy? Jack will be most disappointed - he was actually looking forward to his next dose of vermifuge in this form.