Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Here I Am!

And I can assure you, it's been quite a struggle getting Herself firmly planted at the keyboard for more than five seconds. I've been following her about for a month, insisting that I have much to say, that my readers must miss me, that the universe is NOT unfolding as it should and what does she answer? She stares at me absentmindedly, looking very much like an even more distracted version of the White Rabbit, and says "yes, yes, I'm getting to it..." So this morning I stood gently but firmly on her left foot, until she agreed to apply herself.

It has been a long, hot and therefore good summer. Molly's ankle is doing very well although her slimming powder seems to have had no effect so far on her generous figure. Chester has moved in with a human called Shannon who has the same energy level as he does and who thinks he is utterly wonderful. Best of all, he now lives at the trainer's place and so sees him every day too. Molly is relieved that he is not here to pinch her bottom on a regular basis. We miss him but he definitely needed a broader canvas on which to paint his daily life. We are shopping for a replacement door for our run-in, to be installed before winter...

I have several incidents of near-abuse to report - I feel this should be in the public record. Whilst filling my drinking vessel one evening, the Woman became so distracted by a large insect that was removing approx. a quarter pound of flesh from her upper arm that she quite suddenly and violently sprayed me directly in the face with a stream of cold water! I have always despised those hose things and now have decided to never allow myself to be within a ten foot radius of one ever again.

Another evening, she forgot entirely to put my bed back together. This came about because she rummages in my room daily, removing any offensive substances, including wet spots. While engaged in this she babbles on and on about the dangers of ammonia and the importance of cleanliness. She then peers nearsightedly at the remaining damp spots on the mat and prodeeds to cover them with a beige powder which apparently exists with the sole purpose of battling the dreaded ammonia foe. I indulge her by listening with half an ear. On one particularly hot day this summer, she became so addled with the heat that she forgot entirely to put my bed back together! The result? I spent the night huddled at the side of my room, surrounded by piles of clean bedding and powdery bare spots on the mat, an uneasy, uncomfortable occupant of my own space. When she came to release us early the next morning, she immediately saw her mistake and apologized profusely but it was too late. I cannot and will not forgive this sort of incompetence.

There are many, many other lesser incidents -who leaves their riding head gear in the aisle in the dusk where a donkey naturally assumes it is a violent predator and knocks over an electric fan in an effort to escape? And who leaves a saddle cloth on the front of a donkey's stall where it can fall on his head when he is eating, making him think he is being taken captive by a band of kidnappers? Well. You take my point, I'm sure.

Thank goodness for my friends, whom I have dearly missed this past month. Jack even wrote to Herself demanding my voice be restored. And Billie (human to Redford and Rafer Donkey) published a link to an all-Haflinger display so Molly and Buddy could see quite literally tons and tons of golden horse flesh. I sincerely hope Herself has been shamed into womaning the keyboard once again.

17 comments:

completecare said...

Welcome back Sheaffer. We were getting worried. Thanks for the update.

Your Fan,

willy

billie said...

Yay! Sheaffer!! I am SO GLAD to read your update. The Woman is suffering from a thing that happens to humans. I am not sure if it happens to donkeys as Rafer and Redford are still so young, but I do not see the absent-mindedness in Salina nor in Keil Bay so I am guessing it is a human thing. Sigh. Sometimes I wonder what they all think of me out at the barn when I forget things. Mostly they see me marching boldly forward and then stopping to ask: now WHAT was it I was going to do?

Dougie Donk said...

I'm also glad to see you back, for I missed hearing that human incompetence crosses international boundaries.

My woman blames it on the onset of autumn & the effects of cold winds on her head, but I wonder if it is just the shape of things to come...

ponymaid said...

Willy - we donkeys know what it's like to have staffing issues, don't we? How is your esteemed mother?

ponymaid said...

billie - we donkeys have memories that run long and deep. I'm afraid humans are not so generously abled. However, you can't possibly be in the same league as Herself, who sometimes has trouble remembering her own name...

ponymaid said...

Dougie -human incompetence is certainly on the uprise as far as I can tell from my limited exposure and it most certainly crosses international lines - in fact it knows no boundaries. Try to remain calm in the face of this shameful lack of focus on their part.

AutumnSkyRanch said...

Oh Sheaffer, I have missed you! So much has happened to you during the Summer. Perhaps the Woman should buy you an iPad and you won't need her services to report on your daily life. We had a nice Summer here in California, but now it's turned hot and the entire earth is brown. Harry and Gunny long for the Winter grasses because they are concerned about starving to death. They call out to every passing car, "Please come and feed us, our parents are starving us." The passers by think they are cute, I'm sure, but never stop to help. We humans just do the best we can:-)) Your fan, Denise

ponymaid said...

Denise - do you think they manufacture an iHoof? I could certainly use one, given the level of non service around here...Harry and Gunny are quite correct - worrying about my next meal is always foremost on my mind. Unfortunately our winters feature fields of ice and snow, with no lovely winter grasses. I can only imagine the splendour of the grass...

BumbleVee said...

Awww little Sheaffer....so good to see you again..... what rotten luck not being able type things out yourself.....

sounds like the summer was nice and not and just how you like it.... hope you are also having a warm fall...we are.... it was up to +27C yesterday and hardly cooled at all last night...a bit cloudy today..but, still +21 and calling for +29 tomorrow if you can believe it! I hope it is nice Monday too... might be one of our last nice days for some final golf games...and then...well, we know what happens then..but we definitely aren't gonna say it out loud! My elbow will be glad of some time away from swinging that club methinks... it is so painful right now...and of course, nobody knows what the heck is wrong with it. I am considering seeing a vet instead of the usual doctor.......

Finn the Wonder Pony said...

Hi Sheaffer! We were wondering/worrying about why no posts! So glad you are *back*! It is truly abominable that these 2-leggers get to neglect us the way they do! We have not been out for a play date since early August!!! SHE says she's been *trying to keep up*... to WHAT I ask you!!! Just like your woman!!! Keep strong, my friend...
Your Fan,
Finn

ponymaid said...

Vee - I'm quite interested in the idea of golf, especially the part where one rides about in small carts. Of course Herself says I should be pulling the cart with the clubs in it...as always, we see the world through different lenses. I too am dreading the onset of - you know- the unspeakable season of horrible whiteness and cold.

ponymaid said...

Finn Pony - how do we manage to cope? Shouldn't there be a law requiring a certain amount of quality attention per week? With what are they so busy? That, my friend, is the question...

Susan said...

Camryn here:
So glad you're back. Have really missed you. Glad to hear Molly is doing better. Shame Chester needed to much painting to be done.
My human also left my stall dirty over the weekend. She simply moved all the poo in one corner. Course the fact that I'd given her a toss causing three ribs to crack that day may have had something to do with it. She still loves me n trusts me though. She said my tossing her was her fault not mine. She's doing everything in Sllllllooooow Mooooootion now.

ponymaid said...

Camryn - I can only believe that your human and yourself parting ways was the result of your involuntary, lightning quick reflexes. As for your living quarters - I believe there are maid services that can be employed and some even leave a mint on the pillow (or in this case flake of hay). Good luck with nursing your human - fair but firm is the best policy, I find.

completecare said...

Hi Sheaffer,
It is so nice to check in and see that you haven’t disappeared again. Even Loki, our newest addition, was starting to get concerned as he is beginning to enjoy hearing about your adventures.

It has been a very busy few weeks here at the farm. We were invited to be on a Stable Tour so of course everyone was in a panic trying to get ready on time. Our Girl Friday even washed the inside of the barn – amazing. As I soon discovered on Sunday, a Stable Tour consists for people coming to look at the barn and equines, have something to eat and drink and then head of to the next farm for more food and drink!!!!

There was a great deal of rushing about on Sunday morning trying to get everything ready on time. There were two lovely ladies from the Donkey Sanctuary that were in charge of the donkey field. They were rather pressed for time so I was invited to help get them setup and organized. I helped put up the canopy that covers their display table and then I reorganized the straw bales to make a more pleasing display.

No one seemed to be staffing the table on a regular basis so I took over that task as well. One of my jobs was to hand out the brochures as people left the donkey area. To make it extra special I autograhed each brochure with a few jagged edges and teeth marks.

When my human heard about all my efforts she said proudly, “That’s my boy, Willy”. Unfortunately I heard one of the volunteers comment about a devil in a donkey suit. Obviously she was not talking about me. It must have been one of the other donkeys.
It was a tiring day, even I was worn out meeting and greeting and several times I even had to show people the proper way to lead a donkey. Can you believe it!!!!

Things are back to normal now and we are back to our regular routine of eating and sleeping.

Your Fan,

Willy

billie said...

Sheaffer and friends - come over to camera-obscura and tell me - is Sheaffer behind this? Jack? All of you, including Rafer Johnson and Redford?

I knew this day was coming. I just didn't realize how soon!!

ponymaid said...

Willy - how typical. The humans plan an event and it is we donkeys who end up having to run the whole thing. Your selfless public service is to be commended - I hope you were rewarded sufficiently?