Saturday, October 20, 2012

What IS That Thing?

Franny is settling in well and has stopped nagging me about my stall habits. She said I shuffle my feet and sigh and make phlegmy throat clearing noises like a little old man in the apartment next door. Nonsense of course - I put it down to a case of new tenant nerves.

She has a positive genius for finding the very rare burr bushes that lean against our paddock fence and consequently her hairstyles have grown more outlandish by the day. Today's creation featured a gravity-defying pyrimid that rose up between her ears like an operatic wig. The male human has named her the equine Lady GaGa (who?), the Woman said she looked like Don King (who?) and Franny rolled her eyes and said anyone with fashion sense could see it was a Fascinator (what?). 

That medical madman animal physician is coming tomorrow to check Franny's teeth. The Woman finds she has lost a bit of weight and wishes her to have more substance going into winter. Knowing Franny, she is envisioning herself with a fashionable eating disorder. She is the polar opposite of LaMolly who is in fact a central vac system disguised as a pony.

Monday, October 15, 2012

The Diva Has Arrived

For weeks now, Herself has been dropping hints and making veiled references to a new barn resident but we have been able to ascertain nothing as to the origin, gender, age or even species of this being: for all we knew a gnu or wildebeeste could have been en route.

A few days ago off they went with the box on wheels in tow and were gone for hours. Our friend Jamie arrived and put us to bed at the usual hour but still no sign of the resident humans. Just about the time we get our night feed, there was a commotion and bright lights shone outside in the laneway. I should mention that it was a particularly foggy evening so I assumed the worst ie. we were being invaded by hideous creatures of the night. I was proved correct when Herself hove into view, road-weary and coated in food residue and tea stains.

She turned on the barn lights and said " I have a surprise for you boys". She returned leading the most beauteous creature I have ever beheld. She is a subtle beige colour with black mane and tail. She is long of limb (from my point of view) and refined of visage. Wilson bellowed a loud greeting and I began what I thought was an appropriate salutation comprised of muffled grunts and whuffled moans.

She froze at the doorsill, eyes bugged out and nostrils flared, staring at me in disbelief. "WHAT IS IT?!", she shrieked at Wilson. Wilson was beside himself and began a chorus of "Comeincomeincomein!". This went on for awhile with her shrieking 'WHAT IS IT?!" and Wilson nearly standing on his hind legs, trying to convince her to enter the barn. I whuffled and moaned and still she stayed frozen in place. 

The Woman got a pan with treats in it and managed to get the Beauteous Creature's front feet into the barn. Meanwhile the male human crouched beside me and encouraged me to remain silent for the time being. Thus was Franny, for that is her name, entinced into her room, step by step.

She has never lived inside at night and has taken some time to adjust to the idea. She spent the first two days threatening to murder me but I deduced this was from stress and not personal animosity. We are now on most cordial terms. Wilson is a new man and strides around the paddock muttering "I gotta babe, I gotta babe". I am embarrassed on his behalf but she seems unbothered. She is very self-assured and thus is able to completely ignore Wilson's attempts to call dibs on anything that strikes his fancy. When he tries to hog the hay rack or salt block, she simply sashays past him and says "UhHuh". He doesn't know what to do about her sang froide and pretends it hasn't happened. I am enjoying it all immensely.

Franny hails from Iowa and thus had a long voyage and a border crossing to arrive here but she says the vista of corn and hay fields makes her feel quite at home. I wonder if she understands that when autumn comes, winter follows hard on it's heels...