Friday, June 29, 2012

Earwigs - Need I Say More?

I thought not. I am convinced that the entire planet is infested with the wretched things.

They have neither obvious ears nor do they wear wigs so I can only assume their main goal in life is to take up residence in the closest ear canal. Given that I sport a pair of quite prominent, nay magnificent ears, I live in fear that an entire colony will soon be settled there. Meanwhile, I can't look in my food bowl without finding at least one scuttling about, or look into or underneath any object without unearthing a vast mob of the repulsive insects. They would appear to eat anything, live anywhere and also bite without much provocation.

I know the last is true because yesterday the Woman suddenly began spinning around the aisle of the barn whilst slapping vigourously at her leg. Of course I assumed she was posessed by demons, which makes complete sense in her case, but in fact one of the dreaded earwigs was biting her leg with great determination. Then, heaven help me, she cast off her leg coverings and discovered the earwig (now former earwig). I averted my eyes as soon as I could but what has been seen cannot be unseen.

And based on this latest event, I put forward the theory that earwigs are the most dangerous and revolting beings on the planet.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

I May Be An Addict!

It happened like this, casually, without thought, as so many of these situations do. Let this be a warning to others.

I was halfway through my meagre dinner portion when the woman leaned into my room and tipped a small bag of unindentified white powder into my bowl. I suppose I shouldn't have been too surprised as she is given to bizarre actions that make no sense. Of course MY natural reaction was to snort loudly while attempting to identify said powder. The result was a that a toxic cloud enveloped us and a good portion of the stuff was drawn directly into my sinus cavities. Too late, I realized she must have snuck a vast quantity of cocaine into my food! Why, I could not say, nor could I imagine where she would have acquired such an amount of the stuff.

I retreated to the far corner of my room, snorting and hacking, in an effort to rid myself of the white peril. I could feel the effects on my brain almost immediately. I felt curiously exhilarated and buoyed up and the more I thought about it the more I quite liked the experience. Just like that, I had been launched on the road to perdition. Of course, Herself found it all highly amusing. Those people do, once they have you hooked.

She accused me of being overly dramatic and even pursued me with the bowl, invitating me to take just the tiniest of tastes as she was sure I would like it. And heaven help me, I eventually did just that. It tasted...well, strangely minty. Not at all what I expected but most pleasant. Obviously I was a prime candidate for addiction. And that's when she explained that it was the residue from the bottom of the bag of English mints.

Honestly, you think she might have mentioned the mint element before putting me through all that. But no. She simply cackled in a most unbecoming manner and called me "overly dramatic". Pshaw. Just another typical day at the madhouse. Now I must work on restoring my sinuses to normal operating condition.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Insight Into An Actual Donkey Roping Event

I am posting this link to a write-up by Libby Cluett of the Mineral Wells, Texas, donkey roping event from March, 2009 to give an insight into how utterly terrifying and miserable this "sport" is for the donkey participants.
The event was organized at the last minute through a few phone calls and yet managed to draw one hundred and fifty teams of ropers who took turns roping twenty donkeys. Her description of the many ways the donkeys try to avoid being chased and roped is heartbreaking and a testament to the donkeys' intelligence and awareness. Read it and weep.

Friday, June 22, 2012

A Reprieve - For Now

It would seem that Jason Owens, the donkey-roping magnate, has bowed to overwhelming pressure and called off the championship of donkey roping to be held today in Van Horn, Texas. Not because he has changed his mind about the ethical or moral nature of the event but because so much attention has been drawn to the planned roping that local authorities decided to shut it down, on this occasion anyway. Owens himself, as well as Larry Simpson, editor of the Van Horn Advocate, are of the mind that a slew of meddling animal rights activists have infringed on Owens right to do as he wishes with the donkeys he claims to have rescued from slaughter. Owens rationale and touching tale of saving herds of wild donkeys is as full of holes as swiss cheese.

As a self-proclaimed showman and event organizer, surely Mr. Owens can replace this travesty with something else. I suggest he and Mr. Simpson and any of their cronies who wish to help out, hire some of those donkey costumes available at select stores. Once in the suit, they could have fake horns placed on their heads and be given a head start out of the roping chute, with the aid of a cattle prod, if necessary. Mr. Owens assures us that the real donkeys undergo only 31 seconds of stress per roping so the humans shouldn't be too bothered by being yanked off their feet by a lasso and stretched out on the ground as the audience cheers wildly.

Although a firm believer in the traditional quill and quire, I must admit that this world-wide web business can be quite useful in rallying support for a cause like this. We must remain vigilant, however, these donkeys are not out of danger yet.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

I'm Back and I'm FURIOUS

I have been thwarted and muffled lo these many months but finally, something so heinous has come to light that Herself has been forced out of hibernation to woman the keyboard.

That something is this. In the state of Texas, in a town called Van Horn, it is deemed to be a sport to chase after terrified donkeys on horseback, rope them around their necks and feet, throw them violently to the ground and then pull the ropes as tight as possible. This is done repeatedly until the donkeys are so physically and or mentally exhausted and damaged that they can run no more. Humans pay to witness this event and cheer wildly when the donkeys are thus tortured and tormented. They also bring their offspring so they can be taught this attitude toward other living beings. The town of Van Horn has mistaken 2012 for 1512 and will no doubt be enthusiastically supporting bear baiting any time now.

I am including a link to a petition that will allow you to express yourselves on this matter. It is not only in Van Horn that this travesty takes place, but we can at least begin the process of making our voices heard with this petition.