Tuesday, September 16, 2008

A Disgraceful Display

We were bemoaning our fate today at being locked in what we consider the famine paddock when our collective (herd) eye was drawn by the antics of a large group of crows on the lawn. Their usually raucous voices built to an ear-splitting cacophany and they worked themselves into such a state that eventually a brawl erupted. It seems the pears that grew in abundance this summer have fallen to the ground and begun fermenting. The crows gorge on these and attain a level of inebriation that rivals that of any human post hockey game celebration.

Eventually some of the bolder ones flapped drunkenly to the top fence rail and began strutting up and down , demonstrating their ability to "sing" while hopping on one leg and flailing their wings. Another crow would join the fray, shoving one of the others off the fence, causing another dust-up to ensue. Eventually the woman's head appeared at an upstairs window and, sounding very crow-like herself, she squawked at them to shut up. They looked offended but flopped and staggered off into the soy bean field.

It was my first encounter with the animal world on an alcoholic bender and I was frankly quite shocked. Jack tells me he has seen lots of this type of behaviour but it's usually the human component of the animal world that succumbs to the siren call. "Humins is worse - when they gits inta the sauce they gits crazy ideas, like wantin to jump on a donkey's back an pretend they's in a rodeo". I assured him that would never happen here and in fact my attorney is at the ready should I feel the woman has trampled my donkey rights.

When the woman mowed the lawn this afternoon she ran over all those fermenting pears and the place still smells like a distillery after a major leak in the main vat. Wait till the crows find out the bar has closed for the season. They're certainly mean drunks so maybe they'll turn their wrath on her. I'll watch in anticipation.

11 comments:

billie said...

Sheaffer, what a sight! I'm relieved to hear that you have an attorney on retainer, but I trust that you won't ever need to use him. (or her) The woman with all her faults (the torture devices, the famine paddock!) seems to have your best interests at heart.

The pony here has learned to use his grazing muzzle rather well and just as we were beginning to feel comfortable, he removed it yesterday in a bout of very rough horseplay with the other two geldings, Keil Bay and Cody. They were rearing and playing "nip the armpit" and at some point the pony reared up, I admired his regal stature when on two legs, and then I realized - NO MUZZLE! It was found in the mud by the gate to the front field.

Now I know the rearing and showing off was pure celebration over his freedom!

robert5721 said...

Sheaffer,
a quick story for you....we had a jersey cow named FiFi (I was NOT responsible for THAT name...LOL) who wandered into the apple orchard one day and began to mow down on the apple drops....by the time I saw her she had a cold and drool y nose and her ears were pointed down at the ground and she was weaving back and forth while standing absolutely still and mooing lowly. I called my buddy Ken Perry who was old enough to know what was going on....the poor cow was absolutely Pie Eyed and could not walk without falling down! Ken and I stood on either side of her and walked her into our barn and got her hooked into her milking stanchion for the rest of the day and night. Needless to say I got even with her the next morning by using the trash can lids we kept covering the grain for her and the horses together like big cymbals..her eyes rolled in oposite directions and she mood loudly this time....smile....we did NOT drink her milk THAT day or night!! We kept her OUT of the orchard after that. and only gave her one or two apples at a time from then on in....
Mr Gale

robert5721 said...

Sheaffer and Mr Jack,
I LIKE your idea about the lawyer..good thing FiFi did not have one to sic on me for making all that noise..He He He....
Mr Gale

robert5721 said...

Sheaffer....might I also ask just HOW YOU know how a distillery smells with a leak in the main vat?? Has Mr Jacl been filling you in or is this knowledge from personal experience? HMMmmmmmmmm....
Mr Gale

ponymaid said...

billie - I'm extremely interested in exactly how the pony removed his muzzle. Purely for research purposes, you understand. Did you happen to see the steps involved, the techniques used, that sort of thing? Around here the crows have a better life than us downtrodden equines. Let's see her put a muzzle on a crow, hehhehheh.

Mr. Gale - having been named Fifi gave that cow no other option but to drink herself into oblivion. We very much enjoyed your story about the perils of over-imbibing - especially the part about having her in a head restraint device till she sobered up. The cymbals were a touch of brilliance, but I'm surprised she didn't develop a permanent aversion to feed tub lids.

Regarding the distillery vats, I'm a relentless researcher into all subjects. No personal experience to draw from, unfortunately. Jack has tasted the brew named after him (the Daniels stuff) and says it packs a kick like a mule. Being kicked by TJ is not my idea of unbridled enjoyment so I'm a bit dubious. I might start with a glass of sherry.

billie said...

Sheaffer, unfortunately I did not see the removal, so I'm afraid I cannot further your research. :)

I am now longing for a nice little sherry glass embossed with your image, perfect for sipping in the chilly autumn evenings we have coming.

Dougie Donk said...

Sheaffer, I think I can help! My best friend Tammy suffers from laminitis & spent many years in a grass muzzle, until the woman decided to invest in me & let us strip graze together.

Tammy says that the trick is to rub the muzzle along your cannon bone at every possible opportunity. After a length of time, the head strap will stretch sufficiently for you to plant your toe on the edge of the muzzle & pull very hard.

I am assured that if you get the angle of torsion JUST right, the headstrap will slide over your ears & you can then bury the whole muzzle in the farthest reaches of your domain!

Isn't research fascinating?

ponymaid said...

Thank you dougie, that was extremely useful information. I plan to test it in a scientific trial as soon as the woman is distracted. Doc has tried to help but his solution is to swing me around rapidly in circles while holding on to the bottom of the muzzle. No luck with his method so far except an extreme state of vertigo on my part. Your solution is much more sensible.

Dougie Donk said...

Tammy says that getting 17.2 of Flynn to hold onto the top of the headstrap while she wriggled was also extremely beneficial!

Is Doc is tall enough to assist in this research project?

ponymaid said...

dougie, Doc is 14hh in all directions. He comes from the working QH lines and is built like a squared log cabin. One of his nicknames is Arnold Schwartzenhorse... No hope there, I'm afraid.

robert5721 said...

Ilike the docinator better....smile....
Mr Gale