Friday, October 3, 2008

This Is A TRAVESTY!

I'm in a state of shock. The results of the photo contest are in and the image of TJ's beady right eye came first and an image of his equally beady left eye came fourth. Someone obviously got to the judges with a large sum of money. Susan, the photographer woman, promises that all her entries next year will be of me. I will hold her to that promise.

Jack seems to be on the mend but he has not forgiven the woman. He feels she is dangerous and unpredictable and is treating her the way one would an escaped ax murderer. Very wise of him. She is pleading for his forgiveness and babbling about it being for his own good but he will hear nothing of that. He is well-practiced in sudden-donkey-deafness and simply stares off into space.

I am fine tuning my sermon, trying to find the right balance between terror and inspiration. I have invited Jack but he says he thinks he'll stay home and keep an eye on his teeth in the glass.

5 comments:

Dougie Donk said...

I like the idea of "braying in tongues" & will have to work on that - perhaps you could work it into your sermon?

I've had an idea of how Jack could extract revenge on the woman.....

When one of my baby teeth fell out in the feed bucket, my woman had it silver plated & attached to a keyring. As Jack was forced to lose TWO teeth, perhaps your woman could have earrings made & wear his teeth in permanent penance!

billie said...

I like that earring idea!

I have to say I am shocked The Noble Nostril did not take top honors. It was my favorite of the photos.

But next year, Sheaffer. Just put on your best face and blow them away.

CindyLouWho said...

I agree with Billie, The Noble Nostril was the best. Besides, those eye shots have been done to death. And, he had a little schmutz under the corner of it, did you see? (TeeHee)

Maybe this happenstance is to humble you just a little before tomorrow's sermon. I'm sure you will knock them out. But, Sheaffer, don't be too surprised if you find humans' tiny brains don't have a very good attention span. In any case, make sure the woman records the whole thing... I want a dvd of the whole ceremony!

completecare said...

Hi Sheaffer,
Good luck on your adventure. I think it is a good idea that Jack has decided to stay home. It will be one less thing for you to worry about as Jack might be upset by the large crowds. Jack might have insisted in taking his teeth in the glass with him and this might cause a mob scene with everyone flocking to see some genuine, antique donkey teeth. Make sure you go to bed early tonight and get a good sleep. Tomorrow will be a tiring day. Be on the lookout for Uncle Ed and his Winsome Wife Wendy. It has been rumoured around the barn that they might attend the service just to hear your sermon.
If your woman is concerned about the crowds she could get in touch with the Toronto Mounted Police Unit and ask them to provide some security for you. If you can't get any co-operation in that area just let me know because I have some connections!!!!!
My mom and I will be waiting for a full report.
Your Fan,
Willy

ponymaid said...

Thank you everyone - I'm quite nervous tonight - the woman threatened to staple the top hat to my head if I didn't stand still. I hope to see Uncle Ed and Wendy tomorrow - they can witness first hand the sort of treatment I must endure. willy - please send the mounted unit - maybe they will arrest the woman before a cheering crowd of my supporters. cindylouwho - I very much like the new (to me) word "schmutz" and will use it often, especially in reference to TJ. Anyway, any true art connoisseur knows the nostril is a superior subject.