Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Party Planning

The woman has broken down under my persistent haranguing and admitted that there is a birthday fete in the works for me. Before it moves entirely beyond my control, I thought it best to present her with a list of my requirements and a stern lecture about unacceptable practices.

I will require a large marquee in which to entertain my guests - if it means removing one from some human nuptial setting, then so be it. First things first. I also require a team of liveried wait staff. Food will lean heavily toward the vegetable and stud muffin groups. Beverages will consist of large cups of tea served in proper tea cups and lemon squash for those intimidated by strong tea. A string quartet will provide a musical backdrop, with possibly a suitably costumed group to dance around the Maypole in celebration of my day of birth. All very low-key and understated, as you can see.

On the forbidden list: mules of any sort, loud persons of any species, fireworks, shavings bags, ear-pullers, games of pin-the-tail on the donkey and snow/ice, except in the lemon squash. It is requested that ladies wear suitable head coverings, specifically straw hats at least as large in circumference as a donkey's dinner bowl, with an ample number of genuine floral accents. These may be consumed at the end of festivities. Gentlemen are asked to wear suitable garden party attire - loudly patterned shorts, "foam domes" and string undershirts are strongly discouraged.

There have been mumblings about my giving guests rides in my cart - why do I sense the woman's devious mind at work? She's plotting something. She has also asked that in lieu of gifts, donations be made to the PrimRose Donkey Sanctuary. Next she'll be suggesting that guests bring dewormers for those poor suffering souls.

13 comments:

CindyLouWho said...

Sheaffer,

it sounds like a marvelous party! The woman must be corrected about the donkey-cart rides... It should be YOU IN the carriage.... I'm picturing a beautiful vis-a-vis so you can wave to all your friends and fans as you arrive at the festivities, with lots of room for passengers. I will gladly pull this carriage for you and guests. Of course, the woman (yours) will have to obtain the vis-a-vis, as I don't have one and it's too big to fit in my Whobus.

May is a wonderful month for a birthday. I was born in April, but my daughter and my pony were both born in May. Ah... flowers, grass, sunshine, the wonderful aromas of the earth springing forth...

Nachodonkey said...

Sheaffer,

Your party sounds like it will be the social event of the year. What day of May is your actual birthday? It would be wonderful to share my birthday with such a noteworthy individual as yourself!

Will invitations be forthcoming in the mail? I do hope we are on the guest list although I will need to buy a suitable hat.

It is very noble of you to forego a present to help other donkeys in need.

Buddy said...

Hay Sheaffer - I'm so glad I am in nevada and not having to deal with your party! Not to say you don't deserve all the festivites - just that I don't agree with ideas for a party. Me - Give me a good scratch and some good hay - its my birthday every day.

But then I am a horse and not a donkey - so perhaps your party ideas are different from mine.

Please tell Molly I'm still nuts about her!

Your Fren,

PS - Have a great birthday party!!!

robert5721 said...

Buddy!!
YOU FORGOT THE IMPORTANT FOOD GROUPS STUFF....STUD MUFFINS AND VEGGIES..I think Sheaffer has the right idea, other than being forced to haul a bunch of humanoids about in the cart..maybe a parade with Sheaffer and Mr Jack on a float covered with incredible edibles and a race to see if they can eat it all before the end of the parade? Tender flowers are ALWAYS very tasty, or so Dicey tells me..
Happy Birthday, and watch out for the incindiary cake thing that almost got you last year..
Mr Gale

gazelle said...

Hi Sheaffer,
Just thought I'd pop in and suggest you add one more Important Food Group to the Party Menu ... Corn Pops ! They're the universal snack food enjoyed by People, Dogs, Horses and I suspect Donkeys would enjoy them too.

They even double as a plaything. Dogs seem to enjoy "The Corn Pops Game" aka "Catch and Eat". Of course no Donkey would ever do anything so undignified as playing with his food, but maybe a few atop your B'day cake ??????

billie said...

I personally think you should have those ... can't think of what they call them ... thingees with long poles extending out where people carry other people around?? Anyway, those things, and the GUESTS carry you and Jack around. After all, it is YOUR birthday!!

Gale said...

YES, Billie...a litter! Or perhaps the suitcase type thing that Sheaffer published a while back (a photo) with the little donkey being carried by someone, along with a photo of the limousine. Hey, that's it, a stretch limo!

ponymaid said...

CindyLou, I accept your kind and generous offer of pulling a vis-a-vis carriage - the only person I know of who has one is QE2, so I will write to invite her to my party and ask her to bring along her carriage. I am trying to envision all those spring-like things you mention but all I can see is blinding snow. Woe is me.

Nacho, my actual birthday is May 10but we will celebrate later in the month to avoid any late snow storms. You are most certainly on the list and we have high expectations from you in the hat department. Please garnish with fruit.

Buddy, I also have grave doubts about this whole party idea but have been told I must mingle and press the flesh. The woman gave me a speech about being a donkey ambassador and I hope that at least involves a sash. You are a very wise horse to live in Nevada.

Mr. Gale, as always you help me to look on the bright(er) side. I like the food-laden float idea very much indeed. Jack and I would do it justice. Can you imagine asking the birthday donkey to haul humans around? Absolutely despicable.

Gazelle, these Corn Pops interest me greatly. Where may I find these? I know for a certainty that I would love them. Please ask the woman to include them on the party food list.

Billie and Gale, a litter? YES! A perfect way for a donkey to make an entrance at his party. The woman says it would require an entire Olympic weight lifting team, but she is notoriously scathing about my robust physique. A limousine would also suffice, though again the woman just had to add that it must be a wide-body model.

gazelle said...

Oh my Sheaffer, I would have thought your woman would have known what Corn Pops were ! She must have led a very deprived life if she's never gone down the cereal aisle at her local grocery store 'cause that's where they're to be found. Crunchy, slightly sweet little balls of Puffed Corn in a cheery yellow box. I think somebody named Kellogg makes them.
If she waffles about getting you some tell her they're lower cal than Stud Muffins. Considering all the uncalled for remarks about your and Molly's weight that should clinch the deal.

billie said...

Meant to say earlier - Redford had his birthday this week, and there are a few cute pictures of he and Rafer celebrating the momentous ONE year birthday! :)

ponymaid said...

Gazelle, you would be astounded at the number of things the woman doesn't know. Small, sweetened balls of corn? How could she have missed those? I have ordered the industrial-sized box.

Billie, the woman is still babbling and oooohing and ahhhing over the pictures of R&R. "Look
Sheaffer," she keeps saying, "just two perfectly cute, SLIM little donkeys. Their stomachs don't stick out on either side of the tree..." She's threatening to get me a corset.

It's worth a visit to www.cameraobscura.blogspot.com to see my two very fetching godsons.

completecare said...

Hi Sheaffer,
Like you and Jack, we are suffering with the cold, biting winds. We often get to eat our hay in the shelter of the barn.

We do not have birthday parties here but once a year we have a boarders' appreciation lunch. Some years we have over 20 people. However, our human includes a message on the invitation, that all the food will be provided but if anyone does not like to come empty handed then donations of used blankets and towels, food and treats will be accepted for the local Humane Society!!!!! Nowhere does the invitation say that donations of carrots and apples will cheerfully be accepted by the two poor, starving donkeys. There is also a bright, yellow note on the Bulletin Board threatening everyone with death if they are caught doling out excess treats. Life is tough.

Your fan,

Willy

ponymaid said...

Willy, a birthday party and no food for donkeys?? I simply don't understand the human race. I very much hope you can attend my May party - I will personally ensure you are adequately fed.