Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Take This, Jack Frost!

It's getting hot enough that the woman swears both her nose and the paint on the barn will soon start blistering. I say bring it on! She calls this hot? Hah! We donkeys call it comfortably warmish. Everyone else (except the cats, who are really just small donkeys) is panting and perspiring and carrying on as if we live on the surface of Mars. For heaven's sake, Jack still has much of his winter coat and he finds it "jest passin' comfrable".

Herself has been embroiled (almost literally) in cleaning out our hay storage and we take great pleasure in watching her gradually turn a bright shade of crimson under her dust mask. She sweeps and rakes and brushes down cobwebs and trundles load after load of hay leavings out to compost behind the silo. I can assure you, it's all perfectly edible and we spend much energy trying to get at it. She says it's dusty and horrible but this is from someone who has been known to eat fish and other strange things.

All this activity is a pleasant change from last week, when I had a close call while scratching my ears. I was pulled up under one of our old trees giving myself a thorough ear massage when said tree began making the oddest noises. Creeeeeeek, squeeeeeek, grrrrrroan. I listened carefully to see if I could decipher a message. There was a deafening sound, CRRRRRRRRACCCCCK, and the whole thing fell on top of me! I was only saved by my lightning fast reflexes - I dropped slightly and shot out from under like a scalded hare.

I trumpeted loudly and both Doc and the woman responded immediately. The woman had been cleaning Molly's room and had heard the prelimary noises. She rushed to the door just in time to see me assaulted by the rogue tree. Doc bellowed and galloped to meet me. They both checked me over thoroughly and pronounced me in passably good shape, except for my jangled nervous system. I've been accused of having an unusually suspicious mind and overly reactive reflexes - and good thing, too, if nature is going to spring that sort of surprise on me.

On a brighter note, I think I can safely predict the arrival of a load of sweet smelling new hay in the near future.


billie said...

Oh my. You need a snifter of brandy to calm those jangled nerves!

Molly needs a... Cosmo.

Doc... a shot of whisky?

and Jack... I imagine him drinking "white lightning" out of a Mason jar.

I'm being silly because everyone has gone to our local community game night and I'm sitting here drinking a glass of Pinot and pondering whether it's time to head out to the barn. :)

Buddy said...

OMG Sheaffer - are you OK? What a horrible thing to have happen - must have scared the poop right out of you. Yes a brandy would help settle you down - as long as you are OK. Where was my Molly during all of this - she didn't come to your rescue like Doc? I'm a bit disappointed in my beauty. You take care of yourself - ok?


ponymaid said...

Billie, you see? You understood my medical requirements perfectly. What did the woman offer me? A sip of water. Molly is all for experimenting with Cosmos - and she has no idea what they are. Doc is most certainly a whiskey drinker - the stuff that removes tooth enamel and Jack knew exactly what "White Lightnin" is, which I find rather disturbing. He smacked his lips and made gulping noises at the very mention. Mind you, that Pinot sounds rather interesting...

Buddy my friend, thank you for your concern. Physically I am fine but will never trust another tree again for as long as I live. You'll be relieved to know Molly also came to my aid - didn't exactly rush and was still chewing grass, but definitely showed some mild concern. Jack reverted to pioneer donkey mode and said in his day trees fell on him nearly daily and they were giant redwoods and - you get the picture.

South Valley Girl said...

Trees falling on innocent donkeys... perfectly good hay being composted... what a world, what a world. I'm so very glad to hear you emerged (relatively) unscathed from this horrifying experience.

My nerves were shattered just reading your post, and I'm thinking a couple of hefty shots of tequila may be the only way I can hope to recover.

Care for some salt?

billie said...

Tell Molly the Cosmo is a cocktail that has:

* 3 parts Citron Vodka
* 1 part Cointreau
* 1-2 parts cranberry juice
* splash of fresh lime juice

It is a glowing reddish color in the glass, and all those gals in the TV show Sex In The City drank them.

(in hindsight, I think I'm remembering that Molly is a "cheap drunk" - so Molly on Cosmos might be a bit over the top! perhaps she could have virgin Cosmos?)

ponymaid said...

South Valley Girl, thank you for your empathy - my new motto is "never trust a tree". I used to see them as benign landscape features but not any more. This Tequila, to which food group does it belong? I understand it contains worms - does that make it protein based? I might have to test it.

Billie, you raise some fascinating points. Molly is a very cheap drunk indeed and would do well with cooking sherry or possibly mouthwash as an intoxicant. Who are the inebriates who openly advertise sex in the metropolitan area? Great Scot! Times have certainly changed from the days when ladies wore hats and gloves at all times. Jack says they're hootchie cootchie gals but I think that may be a fragment of memory that has floated to the surface.

Gale said...

Sheaffer, you had a narrow escape. I can almost absolutely totally positively completely reassure you that the odds of your being squashed by a tree in the future are minimal. If you should hear a tree talking, get outta Dodge!

I'd prescribe iced tea (the Long Island variety?), lots of brushing, and a stud muffin to soothe your tree-shattered nerves.

Billie, I agree that Molly should have what they called back in my day a "Shirley Temple." Meanwhile, please pass the Pinot over here!


billie said...

Well, when you all come down to visit, we shall have Pinot and assorted goodies on the front porch. :)

We have had an interesting day. The donkey boys are completely in HIGH GEAR because the county is running water lines down our little country lane.

There are various machines, big dump trucks full of various materials (some of which I could use around the farm, like pea gravel and screenings!) and long pale blue pipe being dragged around by workers.

I have all the equines on the back side of our property this week, but the donkeys can see the goings-on from their grass paddock and the big barnyard.

They were standing on either side of me this afternoon, trying to sort of herd me back from the activity, like young guardians dealing with a slightly ignorant client.

They did not want me getting to close to the action!

Either they were trying to protect me, or they were trying to get in front of me to see better, I'm not quite sure which. :)

I was ready to serve shots in the barnyard, just to get everyone to settle down!

completecare said...

Hi Sheaffer,

Two news items to pass on to you.

Our human finally got the autographed invitation, to your Garden Party, framed. She is going to hang it in our apartment so we can examine it closely. For your new readers, my mom Bert and I share a two bedroom apartment with an open concept living/diningroom. We are out all day with the horses (unfortunately wearing grazing muzzles)and at night we come inside. We are then fed a pathetic amount of hay to keep us busy until morning!!!!!!

There were BIG happenings at our barn today. We had a Boarders' Appreciation BBQ so there were lots of people coming and going. Even though it was not as big as your Garden Party it was still very exciting for us. Our Girl Friday arrived early to serve our breakfast and to clean our rooms. Uncle Ed and his Winsome Wife Wendy arrived in lots of time to help with the food preparation. Even though we were told it was a BBQ for the boarders I tend to think of it as a Donkey Appreciation Day since my Mom and I received lots of compliments, attention and treats.

There were lots whispers about something exciting happening at our barn on June 7 but no one spoke loud enough for us to get the full story so we will be very anxious waiting for the seventh to arrive.
I wonder what the secret is!!!!!

If you hear anything through your extensive grapevine please pass on the info.

Your Fan,


ponymaid said...

Gale, I will certainly be more ready to dodge rogue trees in the future. Tell me about this Long Island Tea - is it anything like Texad tea? It sounds refined but powerful - rather like a donkey. Molly is investigating Shirley Temples but doesn't sound hopeful so far.

Billie, such excitement at your place - no wonder the boys are on high alert. We donkeys are born supervisors and take great joy in our calling. I hope their workload is not too heavy - they are young and need their rest and recreation.

Willy, you do live in the fast lane! Your living quarters sound palatial and I am humbled that my simple invitation will grace the walls. I'm convinced the BBQ was in your donkey honour - there can be no other explanation. When donkeys and humans congregate, donkeys are invariably the focal point. I am baffled by the significance of the 7th but I will keep my ears tuned to any stray chatter. How mysterious - let us know if you find any information.