Friday, June 12, 2009

World's Largest Vacuum on Wheels

We were foraging weakly for sustenance on our barren side of the stinging wire this morning when an amazing conveyance began beeping it's way down the driveway backwards. It was enormous and had an array of pipes and hoses draped all over it. It also had an intriguing aroma wafting from it's very core. We were enthralled and flocked to the fence to see (and smell) what would happen next.

Two male humans jumped down and began conversing with the woman. Then they went around the back of the house and began sticking a metal rod in the ground at about one foot intervals. We rushed to that area of the fence and leaned closer. They must have found what they were looking for because then they began to dig like two very efficient badgers. They dragged out a slab of something rock-like and peered into the depths.

By now I was nearly beside myself with curiosity and began to call to them plaintively to let me out so I could peer into the abyss. They misunderstood completely and simply laughed in an amused fashion. "Are you sure you're a donkey, little buddy, you look more like a beer keg on sticks!" they said. The nerve! And then Jack said something absolutely incredible. "Don't worry, it's just them guys what vacuums out the skeptic tank" The sceptics? They're kept in underground chambers? How utterly confusing - and disturbing. Why have I never heard of this bizarre practice?

They then dragged over an enormous hose which they stuck in the underground chamber and the vehicle began panting and roaring heavily. The air was redolent of - I'm not sure what, but it was certainly powerful and pungent enough to make our eyes water. When satisfied with their work, they replaced the slab and covered it back up with earth.

The woman seemed quite pleased with all of this and actually remunerated them for their services. I simply don't know what to make of it. Just one more thing to worry about, I suppose.


BumbleVee said...

intriguing aroma?..ick...oooh...not the word I would use to describe THAT aroma... but, then... if it was vacuuming skeptics.. ... maybe...yeh.. maybe I could see it.......

I guess the foraging must be pretty good if the guys thought you looked like a beer keg... hahahaha....

love Sabertooth Sally...

billie said...

LOL - the sceptic tank!

Sheaffer, I'm sure it was torturous to stand there and view this intriguing scenario from afar.

I have to say, had I been there, I would have been tempted to push the beer keg commenter into that pungent abyss!

Jack is a wellspring of information. I continue to think that with his quirky and vast knowledge and your academic, philosophical pondering, you two are a match made in heaven.

The woman is lucky indeed.

Buddy said...

Oh Sheaffer - we have one of those sceptic thingys - but never had the men with the truck and sucky thing. Mom puts stuff in the toilet every month so we hope that never has to happen.

Oh Oh - let me tell you - a truck came in the yard today with HAY - yes glorious hay - mom always picks it up herself but this time it was delivered - oh glorious hay - more than normal as moms can only fit two bales in her SUV. I'm in heaven!


ponymaid said...

BumbleVee, it was a rather over-powering cloud that wafted forth - I'm glad we were at a distance. I could see being rendered unconscious if one stood too close. How those humans who operate the hose can lean in there is beyond me...They were so overcome by fumes they thought I was a beer keg.

Billie, the ship of fools, the tank of sceptics - on some level this must make sense. How I wish I could have put your cunning plan to work and "accidentally" bumped the larger of the two male humans into the tank to mingle with the rest of the sceptics. Jack never ceases to amaze me with the things he remembers. Over forty years of observing and his head is crammed with information. Some of it is actually true.

Buddy, if the truck ever comes, be sure to ask if you can operate the hose. You have hay?? Ours is so late this year I fear we will waste away. No really warm weather yet to make it grow. I have asked for a steady diet of stud muffins to keep us going and received a nasty laugh for my troubles.

Buddy said...

Hay Sheaffer - have your mom make stud muffins - my mom does - they are really really good. She can email your mom the recipe if she wants to make some.


Ben said...

Hi Sheaffer
Leave it to these silly humans to try to hide their refuse underground. Like all of their other insipid plots and plans. Nothing seemingly is open and honest. The barn man was playing with our feet and then giving us treats. A mild Hoof fetish? Trying to teach a donkey new tricks? Oh No! 2 weeks ago Your Hoof Mangler visited and ambushed us. I was tortured first and could do nothing but stand there in shocked disbelief. Jerry however managed to overcome his fear and struck out in true Uberdonkey fury. He reared and danced and spun and roared. Oh, he was truly magnificent in his vengeful glory. But alas, 3 of the humans ganged up on him, and dragged him down, and had their evil way with him. Oh the horror. Worse yet was the sight of the barn man giving money to the master of torture. It has taken me weeks to just be able to speak of this. I fear that eternal vigilance is the price of freedom. Trust no one with less than 4 legs. We must rise up and empower Equis Assinus. Donkeys of the world Unite. It is time for every hairy little Ass to do it's duty....did someone mention Stud Muffins? I had one of those at the party. It was wonderful. What was I talking about? Oh well..Glad to hear you're clean out of skeptics. We get hundreds of bales of wonderful hay every 2 weeks. Sadly it is stored hundreds of feet high in the barn. We, of course, recieve a miniscule amount daily on which to eek out our existence.
Best Wishes

ponymaid said...

Buddy, thank you for the kind offer of a stud muffin recipe - I would love to have it on file. Not that I'll ever get so much as a molecule of the food of the gods...

Ben, what bizarre goings on at your place! I'm afraid the footman cannot be dissuaded from grinding away at our feet. Like the smell of old drains, he just keeps coming back on a regular basis. I've never met anyone so determined to indulge their hoof filing mania. I'm glad you've tried a stud muffin - until you have you can't possibly understand the concept of "divine manna". Keep us updated on events chez vous - I can always try to contact the correct authorities if things get out of hand.