Monday, June 21, 2010

A Gracious Invitation...And I Was Left Behind

I've wrestled back control of what Jack insists on calling my "blob", and just in time, too. You won't believe what has happened. Actually, if you are a regular visitor here you won't be surprised in the least.

Saturday morning the woman came out to chambermaid our rooms and announced that she and the male human and Jamie (our minder when they are away) and Mosby's human, Emi, had been invited to Willy donkey's house for the day. Then she casually mentioned that I was also invited but that there was no room in the vehicle. Preposterous - I have a metal box on wheels parked right outside the paddock, and I prefer to travel solo in any case. She is simply mean-spirited and intent on keeping me away from any sort of situation that might provide a donkey with a pleasureable few hours.

Of course THEY had a wonderful time and were toured about and wined and dined and generally treated like honoured guests - of which I should have been one. Willy's place is called "The Moose's Roost" and is a superlative retirement facility for a small number of lucky horses. It is also home to Willy and his mother Roberta (Bert) and to Molly and Marble donkey. They toured the humans around their paddock and summer house and gave a rousing and sometimes physical display of how to extract treats from a many-sided ball thing called a Nose-It. Willy has it down to a fine art and forces the thing to expel treats in all directions. He is not terribly keen on sharing said treats. Occasionally his mother or one of the other donkey ladies fires off a hind hoof in his direction, Willy bellows and it begins all over.

Willy's human, Joan, and her friend Marlene were responsible for arising at the crack of dawn, motoring over to Mosby's and Emi's place on the day of my party/fundraiser and extracting considerable monies for the 50/50 draw. They were key to the success of the venture and I commend them for their stellar effort in helping the PrimRose donkeys.

I know THEY wanted me to be included in the visiting party. The blame must be laid in it's usual place - directly at the grotty feet of Herself, who wouldn't know a breach of etiquette if it bit her on the ankle.


billie said...

Sheaffer, I am terribly sorry you didn't get to make the trip. I would have thought the primary invitation would have been for YOU! I think you need a donkey ombudsman to advocate on your behalf when The Woman pulls rank and makes these decisions.

One who has a little weight to throw around, and two legs so he can follow The Woman into her room and keep the advocacy going at all hours of the day/night.

Either that or you simply have come to the point where you need your own travel coordinator, who can field invites and hook up your metal box as needed.

I am almost sure that if you post a classified ad for either or both of the above positions you will be swamped with applications.

ponymaid said...

Billie, the primary invitation was indeed for me...unfortunately it seems to hold no sway with our arbitrary and mean-spirited social director. I need my own Person Friday or spokes-entity of some species. If you discover an address for an actual donkey ombudsman could you please send me the co-ordinates? Are they able to have persons like Herself incarcerated after a certain number of infractions? Is there no justice in this world for those of us under nine hands tall? I will begin composing an advertisement in hopes of redressing this perpetual state of wrongdoing.

Buddy said...

OM My - could I love two Molly's? IS it possible? Who is that beautiful white being? Oh please tell me she isn't taken???

Sounds like a good time was had by all except you dear Fren? Whats up with that??

Oh sweet love .....

Your fren,

completecare said...

Hi Sheaffer,

I was very disappointed that you were not able to attend our get together on Saturday. I was hoping for a few hours of intellectual conversation with another gentleman donkey. Living with three women folk can be tedious!!!
I watched as your family vehicle arrived and was sad to see that your magnificient ears were not projecting from the passenger side window acting as a finely tuned GPS system.

I did enjoy entertaining your family and friends with all sorts of antics. My skill with the Nose-it ball fascinated everyone. The purpose of these balls is to provide exercise while snacking. However, I can empty the whole thing and never move a foot - I have the system figured out. Your human recognized my brilliance immediately and referred to me as "Donkey Einstein". Although I was annoyed that your human left you at home all was forgiven when I heard that term of endearment. There is another get together planned for the fall. Maybe I could travel to your place in the back of our pickup. If I get tired of the scenery I can put my head in the sliding back window and converse with those up front.

Your fan,


Hi Buddy,

Molly, the lovely white donkey, is foot loose and fancy free. She would probably enjoy the attention from a fancy fellow like yourself.

ponymaid said...

Buddy, you could love two Mollys but I strongly advise keeping Molly2 a secret from Molly 1. The results, should Molly 1 discover the existence of Molly 2 are simply too horrific to comprehend. Molly 2 is indeed a figure of ethereal lovliness - what with those long legs, cloud-like hue and forehead puff - well, I understand your state of overwrought emotion. She's a stunner.

Willy, I know, I know. Having our every move orchestrated by the human element is extremely tedious. I would loved to have had that ball thingy explained to me by your fine donkey engineer mind. I am most taken with the idea of a snack dispenser that can be manipulated without the operator moving a hoof. Perhaps you can put it in your travel bag when you come this way? We could experiment with gummy worms, stud muffins, mints and watermelon as the snack element inside the ball. Possibly all at once. Just think what we could come up with by joining our two inquiring minds together...The woman is getting that slitty-eyed, sarcastic look - time to blend into the shrubbery.

Bent Barrow Farm said...

Sheaffer, it is a loss to the gathered party that you were not among their ranks, but it is to the benefit of your devoted blob readers that you were able to stay home and write. Thank you, again, for a story well brayed.

Your friend in earfullness,

Fenway Bartholomule

BumbleVee said...

hey Sheaffer! guess what? I've discovered two little donkeys living in a paddock near the golf course.

I'm not sure how it goes... are they buddies for their horse? ..or is the horse their buddy?.. well, anyway... there is a big black horse in there too. The other day I saw a girl riding the horse... they had barrels set up...and were practicing barrel racing. You can see why I didn't write this to herself...I'm sure she would have made some comment regarding you and the shape of barrels, etc, ....
I was kind of surprised to see the two donkeys ignoring the proceedings though...I was sure they should have been trying to get in the way or perhaps even trying to run the barrels themselves.... instead, they were just munching away on greenery.

Next day, I stopped to take their photos and pet them.. and another woman on a horse across the road told me their names are Bubba and Mercutio. Seems an odd combination... makes one wonder what prompted it...or if they already came with the names when they were adopted...

ps.... sure hope you get to go on the next outing....I know how you love to be in the midst of all fun happenings....

Finn the Wonder Pony said...

Oh Sheaffer, Isn't that just like those humans!?! Our woman took Pnut away for four days last week to a thing called a Ranch Horse Clinic. Pnut stayed over at the Ranch but the woman came back every night and told me how much fun they were having. At first I was quite unhappy at being left behind, but it did sound like a lot of work... they were pulling logs and *handling* cattle. One cow they brought home a picture of looked to be bigger than me.

I did get to have company while Pnut was gone, though.. the new neighbors have two big black horses (I think they're called Freezens, although they couldn't have been too cold with the weather in the 80's) and it was arranged for them to come over and keep me company. We had a lot of fun. Your woman's trip sounds like you really should have gone... I would put my hoof down the next time and not let her out of the barn unless she takes you...

ponymaid said...

Bartholomule, thank you for your words of comfort. I hope your human is somewhat more attuned to your sensitive inner mule requirements. She sounds like a vast improvement on our notoriously stingy woman - I'm sure your woman would have gladly taken you off to a social function to which you were specifically invited.

BumbleVee, what an exciting discovery in you own backyard! I cannot fathom how they came by those names - one so reminiscent of hillbilly culture and one from Shakespeare...please let us know if you find out. As to barrels, yes, it's best not to get Herself on the topic of how I resemble round or overstuffed inanimate objects. She's very rude. You have no idea the things to which I have been compared...the latest was a Hobbit-sized picnic table.

Finn Pony, maybe it's best you stayed home with your new and hairy friends. Those cows can be quite loud and unpredictable, not to mention a gaudy colour. Jack of course wants to know if you were able to "rassle" your new friends.