Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Party - Some Further Thoughts

It has seemed awfully quiet the last few days and we are all beginning to lose that glazed look. I have thought deeply on the events of the big day and have some observations to share.

I have studied those porta-potties and I don't trust them. They are the size of a small standing stall turned on end, which is to say quite compact. Humans go in and seem to simply disappear. Perhaps I glanced away at a crucial moment but maybe they are just dematerialized. I have no scientific evidence to the contrary so for now I will avoid them. The woman calls them the "Tardis" - she is as mad as a hatter.

Russell Mule doesn't trust them either. Last year he had a terrible time convincing the humans that he had to answer the call of nature -they obtusely guessed at everything else until he practically dragged them into a stall. This year he was much more comfortable being at the party because he had good memories from last year. He discretely concealed himself behind a large shurb and used it instead of a stall. He says he wouldn't give those porta-potties the time of day. That is how a young mule gets to be an old mule.

PrimRose's new hat is the height of millinery elegance. I admired her from afar but didn't dare approach the distinguished lady herself. Last year I tried and she made a snorking noise and twitched her tail, so I must admire in secret and hide my unrequited love. Who knew that a middle-aged donkey bachelor could suffer such a "crise de coeur".

Speaking of hats, a young lady named Sabrina attended my party sporting the most magnificent salad-like creation on her head. She graciously presented me with a bag of donkey treats, hugged me gently and gallantly removed some small carrots from her hat and offered them as a snack. Too bad Queen Elizabeth 2 could not make it - I feel sure she would have rewarded such good breeding with a title -" Keeper of The Royal Hat", perhaps.

Carrot cake is an abomination. It has very little to do with carrots and appears to be coated with white vermifuge. The two large birthday cakes skulked on a table under an awning contraption and even though this year they did not arrange flames on the top (thanks to a brisk wind) I refused to approach too closely.

Those monkey cupcakes are the demon offspring of the carrot cakes.

The bake sale table contained no Stud Muffins.

Mosby does not feel thirty-five years of age and thinks a sign saying "Green, Rank Stud Inside!" was long overdue for the front of his stall. Emi, his human, agrees. Maybe if I had one of those PrimRose would give me a second look...

I was more than pleased to lend a hoof to such a worthy cause but relieved to finally retire to the quiet of my room. I confess, I was so tired that while the woman was cooking our dinner, one minute I was leaning over the stall guard giving her instructions and the next minute my nose began to brush the floor and my knees to buckle. I have a year in which to ruminate over all I have experienced and observed - I may have to write a book.


BumbleVee said...

Awww... poor little was a busy, busy day for all of you. I would have been dragging my nose and probably my butt too....

That is definitely a lot of ruminating to do ... in only a year...and .... indeed...a book is probably the perfect answer! You could just gather up most of your posts...and make them into a book.

billie said...

Sheaffer, I await the book most eagerly!

As a human who has used the Portapotties I can tell you they are every bit as unpleasant inside as out. Although no dematerialization has ever taken place to my knowledge, I often imagine someone coming by and tipping the thing over while I am inside.

I much prefer a stall.

Finn the Wonder Pony said...

And stalls are much more, shall we say, stable. (Sorry Billie, couldn't resist)

ponymaid said...

BumbleVee - we nearly had a book deal and then the economy to our south went in what Jack calls - well, lets say it's a synonym for a porta pottie. Maybe someday.

ponymaid said...

Billie, tipping those things over?? I knew there were elements to this that were even more horrific than I imagined. What if it were to fall on the handle side? I may be having a waking nightmare...

Finn, you devil you! Very clever for such a young pony.

Buddy said...

Hay Sheaffer - as usual - you make me whinney my head off - you should write a book - mom could read it to me and we could laugh and laugh and whinney and whinney.

Portapotty - not sure what that is - but if I ever come across one I will turn the other way - sounds very scary to me.

Carrot Cake - never had it - but how bad can it be - it has carrots in it. Must be like the carrot treats mom makes for me - very yummy - but no white frosting on them - maybe you would like it without the white stuff.

Well - I'm off to contemplate my dinner - it should be here soon.

Your fren,

billie said...

Sheaffer, don't forget that I am starting an independent press - November Hill Press - and although I can't offer big advances, I am open for submissions. :)

ponymaid said...

Billie, you are a renaissance woman! A press as well as everything else...We must talk. Don't tell Herself - I wouldn't want her photo on the back of my book jacket.

billie said...

Certainly not!

completecare said...

My human has been having computer problems so I have not been able to check in with you until today. First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on doing such a great job of raising money for PrimRose. I know the humans take most of the credit (that happens here too) but we all know you were the driving force behind it all. There has been lots of talk about your birthday party when the "barn folk" get together. Everyone is looking forward to next year's party already.

I have been asked to congratulate
Joan Flemming on winning the 50/50 draw held during your party. We would all like to thank Joan for her generous donation to the PrimRose fundraiser.

Your fan,


ponymaid said...

Willy, these infernal machines are always exploding or imploding, crashing or freezing or simply lying there like a slab of flat rock. It's all been downhill since they did away with quill pens. I feel your frustration. Your woman and her friend Marlene did an excellent job of selling tickets to the draw and imagine our surprise when the winner, Joan Flemming, promptly gave back a large part of her winnings. I have made a note of her gracious and unselfish act and will put her on my list of "True Friends of Donkeys".