Thursday, September 16, 2010

Under Siege!

Our adventures with wildlife continue unabated. These days it's nearly impossible to catch a wink of sleep around here.

The humans have returned from Chicago and no, it was not windy but was in fact sunny and warm. Ideal conditions for a donkey to stroll the Magnificent Mile of Michigan Avenue, taking in all the fine, late 19 century buildings. However, there were no donkeys present, including self. SHE knows how I feel about this so when there was a close encounter with coyotes the night after her return, I was rooting heavily for the coyotes, hoping they could find the strength to haul her off to their den. Unless they rent heavy equipment, I doubt it will happen.

Herself and Penny had just gone off to the house after installing us in our rooms with meagre portions of food. Darkness was falling quickly, as is it's wont at this time of year, when we heard the most awful roaring and shrieking coming from the front porch. Doc flew to his window and reported back.

"Holeeeee theres two kyotes chasin the dog on the porch and now dog is hiding behin the womin and them kyotes is just standin there starin at her. Shes yellin and screamin and wavin her armses at em and jumpin on one foot (it transpired that Penny had carried off one of her shoes as security when the coyotes were first spotted from an upstairs window). Kyotes look to be laughin and jest keep standin on the porch. Now shes trying to make em run and they wont and now shes real close. Here come the male humin and now the kyotes is starin at him and now they startin to walk away slow. Woman looks purpil in this lite and is hoppin after em but theyre still walkin slow down the driveway. Penny is yellin at em from behin the woman and her hair is standin up - aktully both has their hair standin up.

The racket was deafening and the next morning the woman had a grating and hideous tone as a result of the sore throat caused by her banshee behaviour. She went off somewhere yesterday and got a flashlight device capable of illuminating the Parliament buildings and a can of some spray substance. Also a whistle. So far she has deafened us by trying out the whistle and nearly blinded me when she came out for ten o'clock feed last night. Next she will undoubtedly see a shadow and blast all of us with the spray. The coyotes may simply die laughing or move away because they consider the area unfit for raising offspring.

This isn't over yet. Herself says the next step is for the coyotes to move into the house and take control of the remote (remote what, she didn't say).


billie said...

Sheaffer! Finally, some news! I am sorry to hear about the coyotes but it sounds like The Woman has things under control. Surely they will move on now that she has revealed her purple self to them!

If things get too crazy, call a taxicab and come on down. We'll figure out how to pay the driver once you get here.

Finn the Wonder Pony said...

By Golly, that critter could be the cousin of the ones we see here! Ours are nowhere near as bold; they pretty much stay in the woods and/or hunt mice. Pnut and I have tried to make friends - she says she likes dogs, and I like everybody - but they run away. Then we hear them singing at night. It's pretty scary that those fellows stared at the lady so long... maybe they were transfixed in horror. I know if our woman appeared suddenly hopping around like that, ANY creature could be paralyzed by shock. You stay safe now, and sound the alarm if anything seems out of the ordinary...
Your Fan, Finn ^-^

Finn the Wonder Pony said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gazelle said...

Sheaffer, I hate to tell you this but you really wasted a golden oportunity. I mean Coyotes on the porch calls for drastic action. If you and Jack had let loose a chorus of your best and loudest Brays they would have turned tail and not stopped running until morning.

You would have saved both the Woman and Penny. Imagine their gratitude ! Imagine the rewards you could have demanded in return.

It's too late now, but if those Coyotes, or better yet the Bear, ever show up again you know what to do.

Buddy said...

WOW Sheaffer - on the porch - those are some brave coyotes. The ones here don't come that close to humans. We hear them at night on occasion - off in the distance - they better stay there too!

Glad you are all safe!

Your fren,

ponymaid said...

Billie, I find the coyotes less alarming and much less purple than Herself. What a madhouse - I am quite taken with the taxi plan - we could pay the chauffer in stud muffins. I can think of no finer form of tender.

ponymaid said...

Finn Pony, the increased boldness has everyone in what Jack refers to as a "dodah". The woman is stalking around with that ridiculous electric torch affair, whistle and spray at the ready. I'd rather take my chances with the coyotes. At least they're stealth-like and don't crash into my room, blinding me and bellowing that all is under control.

ponymaid said...

Gazelle, Jack and I have our trumpet-like voices at the ready. Interestingly, the coyotes seem to recognize us as finely tuned coyote killing machines and they keep a respectful distance. The bear is tremendously shy and doesn't like anyone to see him at all - I think I may refer him to Billie for therapy.

ponymaid said...

Buddy, we too have the "midnight chorus" on many evenings but usually not on the porch. I can't imagine what came over those two particular coyotes - now they've witnessed the horror of Herself on full rant/rave mode, they should be hesitant to return, one hopes.

completecare said...

Hi Sheaffer,

We have lots of coyotes in this area too. We often hear them singing in the bush behind us. One bright, sunny day about mid morning while our human was tidying our special grazing area a coyote came out of the weeds along the ditch and proceeded calmly through the middle of the field about 20 feet from where we were standing!!!! It wasn't the least bit concerned that there were four dangerous, guard donkeys just on the other side of the fence. After it was long gone our human finally had the bright idea she should have chased it with the wheelbarrow and manure fork. A little slow on the uptake is our human, but the thought was there.

Stay safe.

Your Fan,


ponymaid said...

Willy, it's not always easy but we must dig deep into our reserves of patience when it comes to humans. They so often overlook the obvious. Our "porch" coyotes continue to use our property as their personal resort but the Woman is armed and, not so much dangerous, as incompetent.