Well, that's what SHE says. SHE says I have a problem with "oral fixation" because I enjoy exploring the textures of anything mouth-sized.
I admit, there was that fine English leather bridle - it was exquisite on the palate. The soft, buttery feel, the essence of leathery goodness and the satisfying recoil off the back molars. My, how she carried on. Then there was the rubber currycomb and the wooden mounting block and the glove with the raised pattern and the book about horse ailments and the cord for the heater thing and the plush animal belonging to a small visitor...each unique and deeply enjoyable in it's own way.
The issue reared it's ugly head again (actually SHE, reared her ugly head again) when she had finished spinning Doc around on the long rope today and cast it aside on the ground. They rode off to practice their - whatever it is they do - so I naturally assumed she had no further use for the rope. I sidled over to assess the target - I mean to casually inspect the object. It was of cotton/leather construction and had a pleasingly pliable feel. In no time I had it clenched firmly between the back molars and was working away with a sawing motion. A feeling of complete and utter bliss swept over me.
SHEAFFERRRRRRR!!! It felt like a bomb had gone off in my ear. She glared down at me from her perch atop Doc. "Youmiserablelittlesneakyungratefuldonkeycriminal". I fled in terror, rope stuck firmly between my clenched teeth. I galloped around, trailing yards of rope until I finally remembered to unclench my teeth. Upon retrieval, it was discovered the rope had substantial - ahem - alterations, but had not been severed completely. She stormed off, muttering threats over which I am sure I could take legal action.
She is particularly peevish because she has purchased "toys" solely for our use and destruction. I simply do not care for them. They are either of an infantile nature or inferior design. The browbeating will continue, I know, but I will soldier on in pursuit of the finer things in life to masticate. As long as this remains a democratic nation, I shall exercise my right to chew freely.
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17 comments:
Oh my, your woman plainly does not understand your needs!
Perhaps she could purchase one of the rope throws designed for dogs? I find that pleasantly resistent to my attentions, to the extent that it keeps me amused for some time.
Good luck!
Rafer Johnson would so agree. He enjoys working things around inside his mouth. Redford is less focused on chewing and more on monitoring everything that moves. I do not know why, but Rafer's favorite thing seems to be the wooden wheelbarrow handles. He grips down and just works his jaw the tiniest bit.
I personally wonder about the unconscious message in your going for that spinning rope. Is it possible you want the woman to hook you up and spin you around too? :)
I believe you were just being you usual helpful self, showing Herself that she shouldn't leave things lying around!
Dougie, how right you are! She is oblivious to a donkey's basic needs. Do you know if Burberry or Hermes sell leather and twig donkey toys? I have advised her to scout around for something suitable but who knows what she'll deem donkey-worthy...
Billie, the wheelbarrow handles - those are the very definition of chewing delight. I have ours whittled down to a pencil-like diameter. Herself put me on that spinning rope thingy once because I was monitoring so intensely from the sidelines. Frankly, it's rather boring. After I demonstrated that I had absorbed the routine of three gaits in each direction, she gave up, declaring herself astonished. Redford is, I'm sure, making similar observations. He will surprise you quite soon with his depth of knowledge of something quite esoteric...Like piaffing, for example or driving the tractor.
dogma (what an excellent name!) you are of course correct. There I was just tidying up and she unleashed the hounds of hell upon my person. AND she told me if I did it again I would find myself trussed up in said rope like a pig on a platter! Mad as a hatter, she is.
Sheaffer,
Good Grief! The woman is absolutely WRONG! Any Thing left Lying About is most certainly put there to be appreciated by whomever may happen upon it! Tell her she can hash it out with Pnut if she wants... (I wouldn't) ;^)
Your fan,
Finn
Finn, my boy, you never spoke a truer word! Posession is ten tenths of the law, isn't it? I think Pnut should come over here and explain it to Herself.
I'm thinking maybe your woman should trot you around on the end of the rope regularly ...to tire you out a bit and make you forget about chewing up everything in sight....oops... sorry.... did I say that? Honestly, I AM still your very best friend... but,... maybe you are bored? or need a bit more stimulation? or ... a job... hahaha.... oh, I wouldn't want one either...just sayin'... perhaps... something? .... please forgive me.... ... I'm teasing you.....
maybe I'll look for some old gloves or a rope instead... and send them along so she can make a toy for you with them....
Sheaffer,
Pnut says she'll sort it out for the woman if you all (sorry, she lived in VA for 1 1/2 years) will come visit us in Florida...
Your Fan,
Finn
Vee, I can't possibly get a job. It would mean leaving her unsupervised and who knows what would happen then. You've planted a very dangerous seed in the tiny garden of her mind - she is contemplating spinning me on the rope... I agree that old gloves and some superior rope would make a fine item to work over. Knowing her I'll get a smelly old garden glove and a bit of baler twine.
Finn, you have yourself a deal!
Hi Sheaffer,
Everyone here would like to say HAPPY THANKSGIVING to everyone there. I hope all your family and friends, Canadian or not, have a great weekend. Be sure to ask for a few extra carrots with your supper tonight as a way of celebrating.
Your fan,
Willy
Willy, thank you and sending best wishes to everyone as well. As for those carrots - well...maybe if the guests intervene on our behalf. Otherwise, I fear it's our usual fare and lots of snide remarks about donkey waistlines. You know what I mean.
Sheaffer,
PLEASE.. explain to the woman that this type of activity is necessary to maintain oral health in donkeys and should be actively encouraged ..
she will NOT comprehend what fun means in relation to this, but the oral health thingie will definitely hit home..and maybe even avoid the dreaded dentist visit for months!!
Mr Gale
Mr. Gale, where have you been?? We have missed your wit and wisdom and I, of course, have missed your selfless lobbying on my behalf. I received no carrots yesterday or today...
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