Just when I had fallen into a state of despair - what with the attempted bath and the ongoing remarks about waistlines, who should appear from the Nation's Capital but my old friends, mother and daughter humans who have known me since I first was forced into servitude with Herself. The younger human is the only one to have ever sat upon my back, when she was age six, and she and I share this fond memory whenever we reunite.
They showered me with compliments, not water, and presented me with an entire container of Scotch mints. Of course, on Her orders, these must be doled out like Oliver Twist's gruel but nevertheless...They groomed me, gently cleansed my legs and ears of fly bites and even sang me a quiet song about having "A Heart of Glass". I was temporarily transported to heaven.
Best of all, the mother human took it upon herself to mend my battered fly covering. The fastening under the chin has never been long enough so it is constantly rubbed off on trees and then, I don't know how, the ears become chewed. The Woman says I am in fact the guilty party; I have no recollection of it. But I digress. The extraordinary visitor not only attached a longer chin strap but, using material scavenged from an old horse covering, she rebuilt the ear covers into works of art. It took her hours but she did it just for me. I look immensely dashing, if I do say so myself. Even the Woman says I look like a Highwayman.
Alas, the kind visitors are gone, leaving me with memories, mints and a mask. I hope they return soon.