Thursday, May 26, 2011

Who Gave Chester This Infernal Sphere?

The other night the woman was in Chester's room, shaking out one of those dreadful plastic containers of bedding. Chester, rather than being sensibly frightened, was delighted. He seized one corner of the bag and began waving it up and down, he held it with a foot and tore holes in it, he offered it to the woman to play tug-of-war. In short, he gave every indication of having a great need for childish amusements.

Yesterday the woman went off on a mission and reappeared with something called a Jolly Ball. This one is a pale green, enhanced with apple scent. Frankly, it is hideous and an affront to the senses. It was put in Chester's room where he discovered it when we were let in for our starvation diet. He was delighted and tested it with both foot and tooth. Then he got on with eating dinner.

I was jolted from a deep sleep by a series of thuds, snorts, stomps and the repeated crashing of a solid object into vertical surfaces. There was a loud splash, followed by a soggy squelching sound. I whuffled the alarm - armageddon had arrived. I've been expecting it for ages. An aggrieved and sleepy voice came from next door. "Geez, will you clam up and kid, will you stop playing with that damn ball!" Molly got right to the point, demanding peace and quiet.

It seems that no sooner had we all settled into the arms of Morpheus than the racket broke out anew. Dawn was breaking and a delighted Chester had rediscovered his new outlet for creative play. Honestly, who gives a four year old a ball? I cannot remain sane and healthy with absolutely no REM sleep. I am quite sure this constitutes psychological abuse, or possibly warfare. Chester says he feels fit as the proverbial fiddle.

Herself finds this all very amusing and was still chuckling when she removed the no longer-so-Jolly-Ball to give it a good wash this morning. It was scraped and dented and covered in filth. I will say this - I've never actually seen kryptonite but this ball may well be made of that very substance.

14 comments:

billie said...

Oh, Sheaffer. You endure so much for the amusement of The Woman!

It sounds like Chester is reliving his childhood - this time around it is being very happy and he intends to wring every drop of fun from it!

I am glad for him, but perhaps he needs some guidance in orienting play to the daylight hours!

Or The Woman could simply invite you into the big giant stall she lives in and let you rest there.

Calm, Forward, Straight said...

Oh my - Sheaffer - I am "busting a gut" after reading this post. You sir, are at the top of your blogging game - no doubt about it.

My experience with Jolly Balls has been, that those equines who really need the diversion... (you know who you are Val) invariably show next to no interest in the "infernal spheres"... or promptly throw them over the fence... hmmm ;)

Lori said...

Kokomo said...
We like to play feed pan frisbee. Grab edge by teeth (after it is licked clean of course), whip head from side to side and let rip. We are all in these tiny turnout pens. The aim is to get it as far down the row as you can. Then the next buddy takes up the challenge and flings it. The longer our woman takes to find it the better. Our record is 45 minutes of looking. The palomino was laying on it! phzfffttss snort.

Buddy said...

Hay Sheaffer - I have never had a jolly ball - but mom wants to get me one of those HUGE balls to play with - I'm kinda looking forward to it. I hope its fun!

Chester is just a kid at heart - he will get over the jolly ball in no time - he probably never got to play before. Please cut him a little slack - just a little.

Your fren,

ponymaid said...

billie - Chester is reverting to childhood indeed - day and night. Now he can turn the lights on and off on his way out of his room...I have suggested on a near daily basis that I belong in the much larger barn inhabited by humans, sadly to no avail. Please feel free to continue pleading on my behalf. Thank you.

ponymaid said...

Calm, Forward, Straight - I trust your internals are back in order? We don't want you colicking as a result of my reportage! Like Val, I too would banish this wretched orb if I could but Chester guards it carefully. I believe it to be the first thing he has ever had all to himself and he is turning into very much the capitalist hoarder.

ponymaid said...

Lori - what a wonderful tale. Flinging an object about until it is finally flattened by a large body and thus concealed from the humans - oh yes, this has my stamp of approval. I once hid one of the Woman's hand covers in the back of my stall for days. She nearly went mad looking for it - a most satisfactory experience. Serves her right for not turning out the corners more often.

ponymaid said...

Buddy - you mean they come in even larger sizes?! Oh no, I can just see Herself appearing with something the size of a small planet for Chester's amusement. Not that he would know where the continents are...

Buddy said...

Oh Sheaffer - they make them as big around as you are - and some look like giant soccer balls - others just regular colors. I'm waiting patiently for mine!

Your fren,

Dougie Donk said...

I'm with Buddy on this one - please allow Chester a little space to enjoy his belated childhood.

I'm sure he will be open to some instruction on reasonable boudaries to his play hours, but we should all take some joy in the fact the he now feels confident enough to play.

ponymaid said...

Buddy - this is extremely alarming. A ball as round as myself would be a terrifying sight. The Woman says it would block out the sun - she exaggerates of course, though she claims not. Imagine if Chester should jump on it and explode it next to my person - my grey hair would turn white.

ponymaid said...

Dougie - you and Herself make the same argument. Alas, the days of children being seen and not heard have been sadly left behind in the Victorian era. I have offered to teach Chester basic Latin and been rebuffed - I simply don't understand it.

billie said...

Once again a playful equine has landed on your doorstep, Sheaffer! Like Rafer Johnson, you need a little playfulness in your life. Redford and Jack provided that for the two of you - but naturally when Jack ascended to reigning King of Primrose, his role had to be filled.

Chester has stepped in to make absolutely sure you don't get too caught up in your intellectual ramblings.

I have heard it said that big scares (like giant balls exploding) make the heart stronger.

Rafer Johnson sends his condolences and Redford wants Chester to come live here.

ponymaid said...

billie - I've had so many scares from the playful crowd that my heart must be cast iron by now. Chester believes that moving from point A to point B should be done at a brisk trot, even on hot days. He and Jack would get on like the soul mates they are. The very thought exhausts me.