My Driving Adventure

They have returned from holiday so apparently my life can begin again. Pshaw. This holiday business is very inconvenient for those of us with no typing skills and much to say.

The day before they disappeared into the vastness of America, I was taken for a road trip to an equine establishment that teaches various disciplines, including driving (my forte). It's rather tiresome being confined in a metal box with windows too high to be useful and no wiring with which to tinker, but I managed the trip over quite well.

They were tremendously excited to see me, especially the horses, who had never before met a donkey. They practised their free-form dressage moves in the air and emitted many loud snorts and whistles. Eventually three of us were strapped into our harnesses (no, not together!) and off we went for a tour.

A magnificent creature called Rosie, a Warmblood of Swedish descent - red of hair and fiery of temperament - strode off at speed, followed by me (out of breath) and Joe, a two-tone horse of Doc breeding. My word, sixty acres of track is an alarming space when one particpant is eight hands and the others are sixteen hands. And I might add, I was hauling a considerable load. Nevertheless, I completed the course (including a ditch crossing) and was able to watch the extraordinary Rosie flying around the field, doing figure eights and all sorts of other impressive foot work.

The human residents were charming, tending to my every need and even whisking me onto the lawn upon arrival so I could be in some matrimonial pictures. I was turned into a large grass paddock, where I could watch my neighbour zoom around his own paddock, snorting and trying to get to me. I encouraged him to simply jump the five foot fence, and he very nearly did.

One thing puzzles me, however. The humans congregated on the lawn, being very noisy and eating all sorts of foodstuffs but I was not invited over. I stared at them very hard through the bottom rails, which worked to the extent that they came over in little groups to see me but I was not let out to mingle. Even when I made my low whuffling sound that usually summons the Woman, they still kept me confined. I tried a few full-throated brays and all that got me was a chorus of raucous laughter and some loud neighs from the horses. I simply don't understand the social contradictions inherent in human behaviour.

I am invited back any time and may be offered the position of Professor Emeritus in their driving program. I will have to ponder this but am leaning toward accepting.