I knew the woman's enforced donkey diet austerity program would nearly be the death of me. It's all very well using draconian measures to control my caloric intake but she shouldn't be surprised when I'm forced to take counter measures of my own. A starving donkey is a creative donkey.
The woman had taken Molly into the barn and tied her up preparatory to grooming and getting her into her trail gear. Doc was loitering around the back of the barn and Jack was licking the salt block and swatting flies with his tail. I was staring through the gate that keeps us away from the hay stockpile and thinking that with a bit of ingenuity, I could access the lot. In six years I have never been able to achieve this goal. I stuck my nose through and inhaled the wonderful grassy aroma. I closed my eyes, turned my head sideways and voila! I was through. I browsed at my leisure but when I tried to extricate myself, found I was stuck fast.
I tried everything I could think of and finally, in a blind panic, lifted the twelve foot gate off it's hinges, pulled the chain fastener out of it's slot and carried off the whole thing. I charged at the doors but the damnable thing wouldn't fit. When I backed up rapidly, it toppled me over. The woman opened the door into the barn and rushed toward me and I tried to get in there. The noise was astonishing - clang, boing, bong - it followed me everywhere. Doc heard the commotion and rushed to my aid. I charged toward him and the gate cut his legs out from under him. Now he and I were lying stunned on the manaic gate. I gave an almighty heave and it released it's vise-like grip; I galloped off down the paddock before it could regroup itself.
Throughout all this the woman had been desperately trying to calm me and wrestle the gate off my neck and she stood in the midst of the wreckage, looking absolutely stunned. Jack had hidden in the trees at the first sign of trouble and Doc said "Cool, now we can climb right inta the food". Molly had watched the whole thing with a look of utter disgust and hadn't moved a muscle. The woman was afraid she would panic too and pull the whole barn down, but it just confirmed her view that boys are "stoopid".
My neck is a tad stiff but I have suffered no ill effects and have no intention of repeating the experiment. It took me six years to steel myself to the task and I feel my work on that front is done. I also don't appreciate being compared to someone called Ferdinand the Bull, whom apparantly I resembled when in full flight with the gate draped around my person.