Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Ode To A Magnificent Machine

I'm including some photos of the enormous green potato harvester that is currently working in our fields. It's the size of a small factory on wheels. It has belts and levers and gauges and piping and tubing and conveyer belts and ladders and wires and it makes a noise like the gods of Valhalla throwing the heavenly furniture around. It takes my breath away and I am oblivious to my surroundings when it's within my view. I wouldn't even notice a carrot held under my nose, and that's saying something. My dream is to be able to inspect every aspect of it at my leisure.

I've been doing many complicated mathematical calculations, trying to figure out just how many potatoes are being hauled away. So far my best guess is in the millions. Jack thought long and hard and said his best guess is "about elebenty billion". I've researched this term thoroughly and can find no references, so I assume it may be ancient Phonecian or possibly Mycenean. He may be more ancient than we think. Doc's guess was "oh man, I dunno, like at least a hundred or somethin". Molly will not even discuss it since she finds potatoes inedible and counting them therefore a waste of her precious grazing time.

We saw some funnel clouds last evening and the woman, who was mowing the lawn, rushed to put the mower away and called us into the barn. The rain came down sideways and the wind howled and the trees bent over but we were too busy making our dinner disappear to pay any attention to it. She said if a tornado came we should all hide under the harvester and hang on for dear life because it's the heaviest thing around. Then she said, "Or we could all just hang on to Sheaffer". From small minds come pathetic attempts at humour.


Buddy said...

WOW Dude that is one big machine - I mean really BIG! I think it would annoy me but I'm not sure. Molly has the right idea though - ignore it and graze - I'm lovin her more and more each day!

Oh - whats a potato??

billie said...

That is some machine - I wish you could get out there and investigate it fully.

As for the woman saying they could all hang on to YOU in the event of a tornado, I think what she meant, even if she wasn't truly aware of it, is that you are the ANCHOR, Sheaffer, the true heart and soul of the farm and barn.

robert5721 said...

she is just JEALOUS....the woman I mean....I agree with billie..
Mr Gale

ponymaid said...

buddy, it's what TJ would call "ginormous". I think you might like it if you met it in person. It has an oily, earthy,veggie smell that is quite captivating.

A potato is a root vegetable unfit for equine consumption - carrots are far superior. Potatoes are really only good for countin. I tasted a potato once and it was bland and slimy. Yechh.

billie, the woman has promised Jack and self a trip out to meet the machine. I will give a full report. The woman says that yes, I'm very anchor-like in my weightiness - not sure how to take that.

Mr. Gale, as you know, "she" is always jealous of my many friends worldwide and my sophisticated world view. I suppose I must just bray and bear it.

Dougie Donk said...

Mercy, that looks like a SCAREY machine! I think I would choose to be several acres away from it.

I agree that uncooked potatoes are extremely unpleasant, but one of the cooked varients is extremely palatable. Here in Scotland we call them "crisps", but I believe you might know them as "chips"? In Scotland, "chips" is what we call we call your "French Fries"

George Bernard Shaw may have had a point when he said that we were 2 nations divided by a common language - Heeehaaw!

Ginger (Baker not Rogers) said...

The Colour Orange
Fred and I agree that carrots are far superior to just about anything else (although we have been known to eat broccoli, cauliflower and zucchini). Just two days ago, we managed to squidge the tack door open and happily discovered that the fat lady had stocked up on orange goodies – three unopened bags of carrots. She may have been distracted because the fair Annie was feeling off, vets had been summoned and Annie confined to quarters. Imagine Annie's fury watching Fred and I demolish three bags of carrots right before her eyes and we didn’t give her one. By the time the fat lady came home to meet the vet, we had thoroughly trashed the tack room and left nothing but empty carrot bags up and down the alleyway. Heh Heh. Vet said there was nothing wrong with Annie. (We figured she was faking.) The vet did suggest that Fred and I would suffer “orange squitters” and sent us to bed without supper. Sucks to her. We were fine. Donkeys rule.

Janet Roper said...

Hi Sheaffer,
I'm really looking forward to hearing about your explorations around that machine. You have a delightful way with words!

I think the woman was saying you are the foundation - paying you the highest compliment.

Dougie Donk said...

Hi Sheaffer

My woman has just noticed your photo of a thistle & after consultation, I have given her permission to say that it does look the same as the Scottish varient. Have you had the opportunity to sample the flower heads yet? I am savouring the last few, as we are heading into Autumn here & I will soon be reduced to just grass in the field.

Ginger - the woman procured some dates & they are indeed delicious. Thank you again for the recommendation.


ponymaid said...

dougie, I've tried these chip/crisp affairs and find them somewhat confusing. I carefully licked off all the salt and was left with a soggy wafer that was quite unappetizing. Humans create some very confusing foods. I apologize for the blurriness of the photo - those thistles just won't stay still, even when pinned to the ground by a boot. There are much larger ones called Bull Thistles but they bloom in July. You are quite correct when you say the flower part is pleasing on the donkey palate. And there is the added benefit of the woman yelping when she tries to separate the flower from the barbed stem.

Excellent work Ginger! No carrot must remain uneaten if you can access it. The orange squitters are a fable made up by humans who just can't stand to see a donkey have a good time.

janet, the woman says I need foundation garments but I'm not quite sure if that's what you meant? Sounds suspicious to me.