Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The Golden Garberator

More than the rest of us, Molly has felt the strain of being put on a diet. She doesn't appear to have lost any weight but she complains bitterly of weakness causes by lack of food. The woman says she could live on air and water and still manage to look like an overstuffed sofa. Molly claims she is wasting away and is now a frail and pitiful sight. Odd, because the barn still shakes when she trots into the run-in.

She has decided that salvation lies in foraging for food when she and the woman go to one of the forests. She manages to snag so much food while on the move that there will undoubtedly be ecological reprecussions. Trees, brambles, reeds - they're all grist to the Molly Mill. Yesterday she expanded her horizons even further. While hauling the woman back to the parking area, Molly discovered a shiny bag that had contained something called potato chips. She said it had a pleasant salty, greasy smell. She snatched it up and proceeded to carry it all the way back to the trailer, resisting all attempts by the woman to wrest it from her toothy grasp. It was only when the woman dismounted that she was able to pry Molly's jaws apart and drop the prize in the refuse bin. Molly tells us it was the mere scent of food that kept her motivated enough to continue.

Tonight, as uaual, Molly received her hay first because it's the only thing that keeps her grating vocalizations to a minimum. She dives in, grunting and scattering hay in all directions. When she made one of her infrequent surfacing moves, the woman spied what she took to be a mass of roots that Molly had masticated into a flattened wad. A tug of war ensued and when the majority of it came away in the woman's hands, she discovered it was actually a bird's nest. Molly was highly indignant at this blatant theft of a delightful new snack object and went back to her hay in a state of dudgeon. The woman sighed and deposited the bird's nest in the garbage bin. That seems to be where Molly's culinary experiments end up these days.

Jack says we should make a stealth attack on the garbage tomorrow to see what Molly found so appealing. If we do, I'll let him do the first taste test.

10 comments:

OzArab said...

I approve of Molly's resourcefulness whilst on the trail. These humans don't realise that the bigger the stomach the bigger the hunger pains! Currently we are existing on what my human calls "the Jenny Craig paddock". I don't quite understand who this Jenny character is but it obviously involves very little food! She takes pity on me though and gives me more treats. She says I'm not as fat as the pony. It's still a rough deal when carrots are few and far between!
I will attempt to communicate your profound thoughts to my human. Have you noticed they don't often listen?? ::sigh::

Buddy said...

Oh No - Molly on a diet - why is that Sheaffer - she is PERFECT in every way. It sounds like her and I have alot in common - I talk like a mad man when food is involved - I'm very vocal as my woman calls me. I will eat just about anything - birds nest - haven't tried that one.

Give Molly my LOVE!

robert5721 said...

Sheaffer,
please give us a detailed report of the contents of the garberator's trash can....wonder if there might be another hamburger/hot dog thing in there? Please let us know !!
Mr Gale

ponymaid said...

ozarab - Jenny Craig is an evil corporate entity who has made it her life's work to deprive people of food. She is a very bad person. In regards to humans listening - it's an absolutely hopeless task - I've been working on the woman for years and she's still as thick as a brick.

buddy - Molly highly recommends the bird's nest - says it has a slightly feathery aftertaste on the palate which isn't unpleasant. She also agrees with constant vocalization when in sight of food. Says it helps the woman to focus on the task at hand.

Mr. Gale - the woman is hidebound on the subject of our doing an archaeological dig through the garbage - but we have seen some quite interesting things go in there. Notably a wad of shiny paper with melted chocolate in it - we could have done some very scientific testing on that.

robert5721 said...

Sheaffer,
PLEASE give us the results of the scientific assay of the shiny paper with the brown chocolate on it....WE NEED TO KNOW....or should I say, your girlfriend Dicey needs to know....she IS waiting for your advice....
Mr Gale

robert5721 said...

Sheaffer,
Manna Pro apple wafers is as far as Dicey has gotten in the treat department, as they are NUTRITIOUS as well as tasting good....they are vitamin T...as in treat....if we need to get into this chocolate thing I may go BROKE in a hurry !!
Mr Gale

billie said...

Our muzzled pony sends his condolences to the diet-burdened Molly AND to you and Jack.

ponymaid said...

Mr. Gale - the chocolate substance on shiny paper was something called Caramilk Bar. She said she had to show it to us on your advice, and we thank you. I found it a bit odd but could possibly get used to the taste. Jack just curled his lip and walked away. The woman says no doubt I would prefer finest Belgian dark chocolate so I have requested she order me some. She said rather sarcastically that my tastes probably didn't stretch to something as plebian as Caramilk. She's quite rude. The paper is delightfully crackly but she wouldn't let us eat it.

billie - thank your for your commiseration. We continue to suffer but not in silence. Did you know a donkey can reach quite high decibels, even within the confines of a grazing muzzle? It's true!

billie said...

Well, Sheaffer, you would be proud of the pony - two nights ago he busted the gate to the front field down (he was in the paddock sans muzzle) and proceeded to have a lovely night-time feast.

Salina, our 25-year old mare, was so busy eating hay with Rafer she didn't do her usual job of telling on the pony (her alarm call is loud enough to wake the dead!) so he got away with it completely!

Yesterday he even struggled to get his share of the cherry-flavored equine dewormer I was dispensing, which made me feel quite terrible.

The poor thing! But alas, he must suffer with the muzzle for another month or so.

ponymaid said...

billie - clever, clever pony doing his best to defy starvation. How sad that he must try to eke out a living on fruit-flavoured wormer. I too am an oppressed mass (the woman says I'm far more massive than I should be and not at all oppressed). She lies.