Wednesday, August 12, 2009

What More Can I Say..?

Things have fallen to a whole new level of shoddiness and neglect around here. Herself just gets back from gallivanting and off she goes again. This time she returned with some human friend she has know since her childhood or "the year dot" as Jack calls it. Our chores were done and we were fed, yes, but the level of attention was not even the minimum of what we have come to expect. I just don't know where to turn.

Said human friend hails from somewhere called the West Coast, where life is a round of balmy weather and fruit drinks and where my friend Red the horse shares her life. I spied on her, or rather, observered her closely from behind a fence post while she was trying to read on the lawn but she said she could see the tips of my ears and my waistline on either side of the post. These days nothing seems to go as planned.

This human also expressed a desire for an earth-shattering thunder storm, with light show, as she has not seem one in years. She must have powerful connections because not five minutes after her arrival, the skies opened, we were blinded by laser bolts and the rain came down in sheets. Very gothic and quite satisfying to watch from the comfort of our rooms. There was a loud kerrrrrack mid-storm and daylight revealed half of a large tree sprawled in the front paddock, the fence and a dish thing on a pole taken down in the fury. For two days all that lay between us and complete freedom was the stinging wire in the middle of the paddock. Molly gamely tried to take it down but even her well-insulated muzzle wasn't up to the task. Her whiskers are somewhat charred but she's already busy growing new ones.

Today some officious humans arrived and carved up the tree and unfortunately also replaced the broken post and rails. We supervised as best we could but proper hoofs-on supervision is difficult from the wrong side of the dastardly wire. The woman took photos of the after-storm carnage but of course now her pea brain has misplaced the camera. I may have to draw what I saw.


billie said...

Sheaffer, you have the most interesting life! What drama and goings-on you have had this week - perhaps the dastardly stinging wire will get turned off by accident. I'm sure between Molly, Doc, Jack, and you, there is SOME way to get to the good grass. It's the least you deserve with all that's happened.

Buddy said...

Hay Sheaffer - you have more fun at your house - storms and people visitors and such. I think we should trade places for a while. I'm glad you all were in your rooms and not outside when all heck broke loose.

I hope Molly's whiskers are growing back - not that I care.

Your fren

Gazelle said...

Hi Sheaffer,
I'm so glad your woman took time out from her busy social schedule to tend to her responsibilities as your Scribe. I was beginning to suffer from Donkey Withdrawal. If it weren't for the witty repartee of Billie and Buddy and Cindy Lou Who I don't know what I would have done for appropriately themed reading material.

Even my close friend Ben hasn't beeen writing lately and I KNOW he has some interesting tales to tell.

But don't be too hard on your woman, Sheaffer. She has been running an exhausting campaign of travel and social engagements lately. I know how that can be as I too have been run ragged the past month 'cause my "Mum" decided we needed to make trips to Calgary, Haliburton, and Huntsville plus we had a House Guest from someplace called England, wherever that might be ... far, far away I think.

I've been so busy lately I've hardly even seen Ben & Jerry and I've really missed them (and my Horse, Dante, too of course) but I spent yesterday afternoon with them all and it was Grrreat.

Hope things soon get back to normal for you too.

ponymaid said...

Billie, the old proverb, or is it curse, "may you live in interesting times" seems to have taken root in my life quite firmly. The one constant seems to be the stinging wire, which Herself never forgets to have in fighting form. Molly vows to keep up the good fight no matter how high the toll in singed whiskers. Fortunately she has a vast collection on her chin, so testing continues.

Oh Buddy, I would gladly do a swap with you. I thought of you today as the weather has finally become hot and summery. I was baking myself in the sand and thinking that you can do the same on virtually any day of the year. Molly has whiskers like a catfish but I won't mention that you brought them up...

Bouncy Dog, Herself has become the Queen of Gadding About, leaving us neglected and careworn. She says fat and spoiled but she lies. I understand you are coming on a walking trek with us sometime soon and am looking forward to it, as is Jack. We will show you all the good snack vegetation. Vetch is the apex of donkey dining and there is plenty for all of us to become sufficiently sated. We would love to have an update from Ben, especially on the subject of his new puissance career...

Buddy said...

VETCH? what is that? Would I like it? Does it grow?? Tell me tell me.

Yours fren,

PS - thanks for keeping quiet about you know who - whiskers like catfish - gee I'm glad I got out when I could.

billie said...

LOL, Buddy - whiskers like catfish and you getting out when you could...!

The resident donkeys here are also intrigued with this vetch you mention.

ponymaid said...

Buddy and Billie, vetch is vegetative perfection, a gourmet delight, a trip to nirvana and pure bliss all rolled into one. It grows in a fine leaved, shrubby mass fairly close to the ground and produces purple, leafy flowers in mid-summer. It tastes of everything good and sweet that summer can produce. The woman says it even smells sweet when we chew it. There are huge groves of it on the back trails and Jack and I bustle the humans along at a good clip when we know we're heading that way. I will ask Herself to take a photo, though the flowers are fading with the heat. I wish I could send you some.

Dougie Donk said...


I have worked out how to negotiate the stinging wire!

If (like mine) your woman only puts up a single strand to restrain the horses, then you simply drop to your knees & limbo dance under it. With our superior spatial awareness skills, it's really quite simple to navigate all the way to the luscious vegetation without receiving any nasty shocks.

Regrettably, my woman witnessed this stupendous feat & has now put up TWO strands of stingy wire... I am working on a revised solution & will keep you advised

completecare said...

Hi Sheaffer,
Just a quick update on our new arrivals, Molly and Marble. Our life has changed drastically since they moved in. We are now in the "donkey field" with limited grazing but at least my mom and I don't have to wear those terrible grazing muzzles everytime we step out the door. I have heard several people comment, "I have never seen Willy's face before. He is very handsome!!!" Of course, I try to look even more majestic now that I am the single male among my "bevy of beauties" Marble is a lovely brown and white colour much like vanilla/chocolate swirl ice cream, so I have been told as I have never been offered such a treat. She is quite petit and has very dainty feet. Molly is white, but according to her veterinary records she used to be the same colour as my mom. The vet referred to her as a Jerusalem donkey. Molly is quite timid but is starting to feel more comfortable. Since there are now four of us my mom and I have had to move out of our two bedroom apartment and into a larger area at the back of the barn. My mom and I are getting used to sharing the attention and of course we are glad that M & M are happy here.

On occasion, we are allowed gummi worms as a treat. Thanks Sheaffer for telling our human about these wonderful snacks.

Your fan,


ponymaid said...

Dougie, I'm pleased to see that your scientific experiments on paddock egress continue. Typical of a human - you invest all that time in an exit strategy only to have it dashed with a second stinging wire. They're a devious species and not to be trusted. Be brave and carry on.

Willy, things are looking up chez vous! Your own herd and larger living quarters and the occasional gummi worm? You have achieved a whole new plane of donkey satisfaction. I understand you are sending over a delegation of your humans tomorrow in hopes of liberating me? It is much appreciated, and once they see my decrepit state of mind and body, I'm quite sure they will whisk me away (with Jack of course). I can't wait. Herself will wail and gnash her teeth but I will pay no heed as I exit in a triumphant cloud of dust, driven by the heroic Uncle Ed.

Buddy said...

Hay Sheaffer - I got a bath today - yes a bath. I'm all nice and clean and smell good! Mom was gonna take pictures of me for Salina and Rita - my new girls - but her batteries were dead in the camera. So I guess maybe another day.

So whats happening at your house???

Your fren

ponymaid said...

Buddy, you had a bath and enjoyed it? How extraordinary! I've never had a bath in my life and plan to keep it that way. You're very brave. Willy Donkey's humans visited today and I will have much to tell you once the woman gets her secretarial skills back up to speed. Ummm, how is the dating going? I still haven't told Molly about your defection...

billie said...

Buddy, I think Salina has gotten wind of the new "arrangement" - this evening when I let Keil Bay into the barnyard she whirled her rear end at him and squealed loudly!

Sheaffer, Rafer and Redford are with you when it comes to baths!