As promised, Willy and Roberta Donkey sent over their delegation of humans yesterday in a brave but vain attempt to release me from servitude at the hands of Herself. And what superior humans they are! They arrived bearing gifts for us and for the donkeys of the PrimRose Sanctuary and were full of compliments for all - not a mention of donkey cellulite or a snide remark about donkey waistlines. Note to woman - good breeding is either present, or in her case, conspicuously absent.
These superior beings rushed from their vehicle to our paddock and immediately presented us with hostess gifts of gummi worms and Stud Muffins. Herself confiscated the gifts and stowed them in the tack room, rationing the amount the visitors were allowed to feed us. Philistine. We were in the midst of a lovely visit when she comandeered them and dragged them off to lunch on the lawn. I was deep in conversation with Uncle Ed and was not pleased to be rudely interrupted by yet another of her whims.
They managed to break free eventually and back they all came to take us for a donkey stroll. By now they had been joined by Mosby's human, whom I have known since the age of a few months. She brought us her usual thoughtful gift of Tic Tac mints. Again, good breeding... I'll say no more. Jack and I donned our strolling halters, we passed through the gate and all of us assembled on the lawn. I'm sure you can guess what happened next? Oh yes. Herself had hatched a fiendish plan which wreaked havoc and created utter chaos for the next half hour or so. I should mention that summer has finally arrived with a wallop and the temperature is hovering near ninety, with such humidity that the air is nearly liquid.
Her plan was as follows. Jack despises all things veterinary and that includes the ritual of deworming, which rolls around every three months. He regards it as an attack on his person, a ritual poisoning and something to be fought with all his strength. Herself had enlisted the reluctant visitors in an underhanded campaign to bribe Jack with bits of Stud Muffins and while he was thus preoccupied, she slid the plastic tube into the side of his mouth and shot the dewormer down his throat. It appeared to have worked very well until Jack realized what had happened and flew into a rage.
He stamped his feet, he shook his ears, he made terrible faces and he spun around in circles, until he eventually shot off down the farm lane, towing Mosby's human in his wake like a water skier. She hung on gamely until a tree came between them. She returned rope burned and panting but otherwise fine. Jack barged through the trees into a field and charged past us at approximately 93 miles per hour, still looking every inch the outraged victim of a murderous plot. The humans galloped off to the next field to arrest his progress. They engaged in a standoff until Jack agreed that Uncle Ed could catch him, but he forbade the traitorous women to even come near him.
We carried on with the walk but Jack was still boiling internally - outwardly he hadn't even broken a sweat. The humans, however, were looking distinctly dampish. Jack remained hostile to the woman until this evening when he began to thaw slightly. I'm quite impressed. I thought I was a champion grudge-holder but he outperforms me in both severity and duration when it comes to maintaining a state of the highest dudgeon. There's no angrier donkey than an ancient donkey.
The humans retired back to the lawn to take on gallons of liquid in an attempt to stave off dehydration. I know the visitors were more than willing to grant me passage out of this madhouse but Herself wouldn't hear of it. I am doomed to remain an indentured serf.
On a happier note, Penny was initially quite nervous and distant when my visitors arrived - she is a rescue dog who had a rough start in life and she feels humans must be assessed from a distance before they can safely be approached. By the time they came to our paddock she had decided they were quite acceptable and even deserving of some entertainment. To that end she put on a show of water sports in our trough that left it full of sand and dog hair. She dove in and out at high speed, she lay down in it and bit the surface, she spun in circles and she emerged like a very small black and white killer whale, water cascading off in all directions. The visitors were highly amused and even better, the woman was left muttering about having to scrub and refill the tub.
I had three gummi worms in my dinner and Jack had a Stud Muffin crumbled on top of his gruel. They are the sole evidence of the wonderful visitors who appeared and, too soon, were gone. We can only hope that one day they will make their way back to us.