Thank goodness for friends near and far. My bitter disappointment at being excluded from last weekend's visit to Willy Donkey's place has been tempered by the generosity and thoughtfulness of Dougie Donk in Scotland. He sent me a large, mysterious box all way across the Atlantic Ocean. And what a gift there was inside!
We received a notice in our mailbox that a parcel had arrived at the local post office and the woman duly set off at her snail's pace to retrieve it. I watched her embarking in her vehicle and she said casually over her shoulder "Sheaffer, the notice has your name on it." My name on it? I felt that in that case her pace could have been a tad brisker. I waited by the fence with bated breath. Ages later she came trundling back and showed me a large box wrapped in brown paper. The excitement was almost unbearable.
After fumbling first with a kitchen knife and then a pair of ancient scissors, she prised the thing open and there in protective wrapping was the most magnificent hat I have ever beheld. A Fire Fighter's hat to be precise. It is made of the finest dark blue wool, with a peak and a band of black patent leather on the front. And...I could hardly contain my excitement...an official badge that says "Strathclyde Fire Brigade". I felt quite weak in the knees. Then the woman showed me the inside and it says "Bates Hatter, 21 Jermyn St., St. James S., London". I had to lean on the fence to recover my sense of equilibrium. I have long dreamt of having an offcial hat but to have one made by the finest hatters in London - well - words fail me.
Thank you Dougie. You understood my unease with year after year having plastic nonsense foisted on me as novelty headgear. My problem is solved. From now on I will have a most official and dignified presence at all public affairs. I understand you made a pact with the resident fire fighter at your place to not drag him about the paddock for at least a week in exchange for his hat. Please thank that kind soul as well. I hope he isn't put in a dungeon or sent to the Orkneys on a training course as punishment for donating his hat to me so selflessly. You are a good donkey and he is a gallant human.
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12 comments:
What a dear friend you have in Dougie Donk! And the hat is indeed magnificent! I love your awestruck photo best - it captures a bit of your personality we don't often see, Sheaffer - you have such a presence, it's hard to imagine you being awestruck, but I'm glad you got a gift that inspired that feeling.
Billie, I check on my hat regularly to ensure it is maintaining it's condition. I'm quite sure it would be the first object to catch a burglar's eye. I suspect I will always feel a certain level of awe towards this hat - it's sheer wonderfulness will never pale.
I am SO pleased that you like your hat - I was deeply concerned that it would not meet your level of dignity, but the firefighter would not part with his helmet, even on the promise of TWO weeks of good behaviour. Ingrate!
As it is, I am so delighted by your pleasure that I have even allowed the woman to apply hoof oil to my digits. Needless to say, I will not allow her to maintain this level of attention, but I did think I should show some level of gratitude for their helping me express my friendship across such a vast distance.
Dougie, I fear a helmet would have been so overwhelming that I might have taken leave of my senses. No. This wonderful OFFICIAL hat is just what I needed. You are a brave donkey to have accepted the painting of your feet - keep a close eye on your woman in case she is tempted to mix some sparkly stuff in with the oil. Stranger things have happened. I will never forget your kind gift and the firefighter who gave up his hat for a donkey on another continent. I examined the Bates Hatters inventory and am planning to order a top hat and possibly a motoring cap.
Oh my - that is a wonderful hat Sheaffer and it looks perfect on you - like it was made for you!
Your fren,
Buddy, I can highly recommend the wearing of an official hat such as this. It imbues me with a sense of authority and serene dignity that a plastic crown can simply not hope to inspire. Blue wool might be a touch warm in your climate but perhaps your woman can procure a lighter weight model for you? Imagine the looks of astonishment from your horse neighbours when they saw you in your official capacity of firefighter horse!
I think I would fancy a white Captains Hat - cotton of course - but then I would need a ship and there isn't any water to put a ship. I may need to re-think the captains hat. Not really into Cowboy Hats!
Your fren,
A top hat? That would indeed be a magnificent match for the opera cape that your woman has refused to relinquish to you - perhaps time for some behavioural modification on her part!
Fortunately, my woman is much too sensible for glittery stuff, even for her own digits. The oil is only to compensate for the unnaturally warm spell we are having in Scotland. There is so little water that I am becoming concerned about my winter hay supply - I may yet have cause to call upon you for food parcels or lodgings!
Buddy, I have pondered deeply on your hat dilemma. You are obviously a horse of a maritime nature stranded in a desert but I think perhaps a corn cob pipe and a ship in a bottle might allow you to live your seafarer's dream. Also, if you could have your woman paint a lsrge blue seascape as a backdrop you might feel more in character, in spite of the searing heat.
Dougie, alas the opera cape does not belong to Herself but to Christina SVG in New Mexico. If it were the woman's I would somehow prised it away from her grubby clutches by now. I have never had the humiliation of having glittery hoof polish but am constantly on guard against such nonsense. I did not know you were embroiled, so to speak, in a dry spell. Don't worry a bit about sustenance for the coming year. You will not go hungry even it I have to deliver relief packages myself. What do you think about top hat colours? Dove grey or traditional black? They are a tetch pricy or I would have Her order two.
My woman says postage to Canada is too expensive to send you an opera cape, but perhaps someone nearer home could rustle one up for next year's birthday bash?
As a young man I feel in touch with current fashion (aided & abetted by my village teenage compatriots), so I would be happy to act as style consultant. I feel a black top hat would be more fitting, as dove grey would not present a sufficient contrast to your own coat colour.
Yrs
Dougie
Dougie, how right you are! I had not thought of the obvious drawbacks to a grey on grey theme. I need that top hat to make a bold statement. Herself says I'll look like Dr. Crippen but she is notoriously uninformed. Jack says I'll look like a snake oil salesman. He's probably old enough to remember those. Re: opera capes - perhaps one of the woman's more talented friends can make me one - with red silk lining of course.
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