Thank you for sending two of your humans over yesterday on a mission to improve our so-called lifestyle. You, and they, did your best but Herself is as immoveable as the Great Wall of China when it comes to our dreary, Dickensian, Gulag-like existence.
They walked us down the path, they brought us a whole tub of gummi worms (they thoughtfully brought the Woman flowers but she didn't even taste them). And then, in the most arrogant display of raw power yet, Herself forced our friend Jamie to assault Jack with the dreaded vermifuge while they looked on, distraught and helpless.
As soon as Jack was secured to a fence post, he twigged to the cruel deception and began rearing and body slamming Jamie into the fence. He pursed his lips and flicked the tube on the ground with his tongue. When it was done, he dragged Jamie down the lane in a fit of rage, adding in some impressive bucking and head tossing whilst continuing to body slam him. The guests offered gummi worms as solace and he spat them out with contempt.
Now, I have never minded the dreaded vermifuge and in fact have never even worn a halter for the event, but having seen Jack's violent display, when the woman came at me, as a show of solidarity I shied and backed up at tremendous speed. She pronounced it to be nonsense and before I could blink, I had swallowed the lot. I also spat out my gummi worm. Molly ate the rejected worms with no hesitation whatsoever and pronounced them delicious.
So, Willy, your efforts are appreciated and we very much hope your humans return often, but please don't hold out hope for improvements around here any time soon. She is forcing me to mention that we each got a few gummi worms in our hot dinners tonight but I mention it under duress. It was not any sort of thawing of the ice in her veins, I'm sure, just a moment of absentmindedness. The worm has not turned.
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Hi Sheaffer,
I heard about the good time everyone had at your place on Sunday. I enjoyed the coyote and bear stories and thought about how brave you and Jack are, to live in such stressful conditions.
When our human brought out our daily ration of hay - a very limited amount I must admit, she was met with a nasty surprise. My mom, Bert had met up with a porcupine and had an ankle that looked like a pincushion. After a quick check of the rest of us she hurried off to call our personal health care provider. As soon as he arrived the vet sedated my mom and started pulling quills. Then he used the clippers and shaved her ankle area and found some more. After much poking and prodding he seemed satisfied he had got them all. Before he left he gave my mom a dose of antibiotics. The needle and syringe were HUGE. I went weak at the knees watching him sink it into her neck. I watched the entire procedure from the other side of the gate. I offered to help and provide moral support for my mom but my offer was rudely declined. She is feeling much better now. Hopefully she will leave the porcupines alone next time. I hope you and Jack don't have porcupines in your area as you have enough to worry about with bears and coyotes.
Your fan,
Willy
Oh dear. Jack is truly fierce in his refusal to take the dreaded vermifuge! It is heartening to think he has so much spunk at his age but I hope The Woman can find a way to crack the code and get him to take what he needs to stay healthy.
Sheaffer, you made me laugh in your commmiseratory (not sure if that's even a real word) backing up and shying. You are a good pal to Jack.
And Willy - so sorry to hear about Bert. Sending good thoughts to her that this is over and done with and she never meets up with another quilled creature!
Willy, what a terrible turn of events! I hope your dear mother's ankle is deflating by now. Those armoured pincushion creatures are a hazard to ankles everywhere. Jack says they can fire those needles up to forty feet in all directions but I am disinclined to believe him. I wonder if your mother tried to urge on on it's way by prodding it with her leg? And the giant needle...well, one simply shudders at the thought. Please give her our best.
Nice to know that Jack remains feisty,if misguided. Perhaps the dreaded Vermifuge could be slipped into a Double-Double ??? Or maybe not. He probably doesn't need a caffein boost.
Too bad the Coyotes and Crows ate all the fermented Pears. A bowl of fermented Pearsauce served an hour or so beforehand might have induced a more mellow state and helped the medicine go down.
I sincerely hope Jack and Jamie are still friends after their rasslin' match.
Billie, can you believe the colossal arrogance of the Woman in torturing us right in front of our allies? I felt I had to show solidarity with Jack, if only in a token way. I simply don't have his athletic abilities when it comes to bucking and plungling about. He is a very good natured soul but inside that 43 year old body lurks a terrible temper which remains unabated by age. He is a force with which to be reckoned.
Gazelle, an inebriated Jack is a frightening thought. He has the strength of ten sober. Jamie is worried that Jack will see him as allied with Herself but we know better. There is only one truly corrupt entity in these parts - all others have been dragged onside by nefarious means.
A porcupine - holy cow - a huge needle - holy cow - so glad I don't live near you - hope Bert is much bettter by now.
Jack - you are a riot - wish the woman had video taped your adventure for us all to view and empathize.
Your fren,
Buddy, it seems as though we are living at Menagerie Manor around here. You're much safer in the desert. Cacti may have needles but at least they can't savage your ankles whilst invading your paddock. Now it's official - we also have cougars lurking off in the wilds. I keep telling Herself that I just want to stay in for the rest of my life but she babbles on and on about fresh air and exercise. Being chased by a cougar is not my idea of exercise...
Oh Sheaffer - cougars?? They run really really fast - so you be careful - Jack, Doc and of course the beautiful Miss Molly - you all be very careful!!
Your fren,
Sheaffer, run get on the FedEx plane and get outta dodge!
Buddy, if those coyotes threaten Jack with vermifuge, we'll all be safe. We imagine those cougar things look like Violet but larger and less opinionated.
Billie, two donkeys are on the way...
Goodness, we seem to have life easy in Scotland! The biggest wild canines are foxes and the only quilled beasties are hedgehogs, which are about the size of a large grapefruit & just curl up to avoid trouble.
My sympathies with everyones travails are enormous. I personally was assaulted with sedative paste on Monday & then had some routine dental work done.
I was NOT placated by the dentist's assertion that I had "a very nice set of teeth." It was only my good manners which prevented the said nice teeth from being planted in his derriere!
Sheaffer, we will have to double up in one room temporarily, but this lights a fire under my plan to construct a guest donkey cottage. You might ask the plane to take a detour if there are sites you want to visit before landing - it is raining here but should be clear by Friday!
Maybe the jet could take a swoop by WEG and knock the rollkurists off their gold medal pedestal! And rescue their horses while you're at it. We will give them a rollkur-free home.
Dougie, you have no idea. It looks so peaceful and pastoral here but under the surface simmers all sorts of wildlife goings-on. The coyote was back yesterday by the barn and looked quite amused when Herself rushed at him, boots flapping and arms waving like a spastic windmill. He trotted off, chuckling to himself. As for your dental assault - unspeakable, that's what it is. Feel free to accidentally on purpose let your teeth wander over the surface of the vet. You can always blame it on the stupifying agent.
Billie, a donkey guest house! You are the epitomy of southern hospitality. How civilized. I will bring along any rollkur victims that I can liberate. They will need time to recover from aching mouths and sore necks and backs. A masseuse maybe? And some drinks with tiny umbrellas.
Oh oh oh - mom did it this morning - she gave me the vermifuge - ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww - good thing I had a big flake of hay to wash it down with.
Your fren,
We have the perfect equine massage therapist. She is amazing! And she loves horses, ponies, and donkeys.
Ooohhhh, drinks with tiny umbrellas - we will have to go to the party store and stock up on supplies.
Hi Sheaffer,
Things are quiet here. We haven't had any more encounters with porcupines. My mom, Bert would like to thank all those who sent best wishes in her direction while she was recovering from her ordeal. The swelling has gone down in her leg so all is back to normal.
I was pleased that my mom could go through her "quill" episode and still maintain her cheerful disposition and her hearty appetite.
Your fan,
Willy
Willy, we donkeys are made of stern stuff - I'm pleased your dear mother's ankle is better and that her appetite remained robust throughout. The photo you sent the woman was quite graphic - especially as the vet had to take a break halfway through extraction.
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