Thursday, September 20, 2012

Lies, Trickery and Rumours

We all know who the liar is around here. The most recent heinous fabrication occurred when Herself casually informed me that my blue chalet/cottage will not remain here permanently but is going to be carted off to the dump some time soon. I can tell you, I am utterly devastated. Especially as she let me hope and dream that I could spend a comfortable winter within it's cosy confines and then suddenly and callously smashed that dream into oblivion.
The trickery enters into the picture via Wilson. Of course. He calls it " ongoing training" and I call it tomfoolery. He says he is strengthening the trainer's reflexes and "bombproofing" him. It looks like a lot of pony shenanigans to me. The trainer gets him spinning nicely on the end of the long rope and Wilson suddenly turns himself inside out (or so it appears) and rushes off in the other direction without being asked. He is corrected and carries on as if butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. Then he does it again.
The Woman has gotten him a harness like mine but in a more rotund size and plans to teach him the art of driving. This should prove quite interesting. I will keep you apprised of his "progress". This is the same pony who had cream applied to his heels because of a touch of something called mud fever and what do you think he did? Licked it off and began foaming at the mouth and blowing bubbles. Herself said he would just have to deal with it because after the compost incident, even if it was toxic and caused him to turn blue she was too embarrassed to call the veterinarian.
And, we have heard very faint rumours of a possible new equine family member but Herself just smirks and says we must be patient. I ask you, what does SHE know of patience?!


billie said...

Sheaffer, I do not know how you do it. Remain your sensible, intelligent, kind, amazing self in the face of such trickery and betrayal. I was so ready to come and visit the cottage!

Wilson is just beginning his training of the humans. If The Woman has never seen the books by Thelwell now would be a good time to take a look at them and see what is in store for her. :)

Meanwhile, I personally feel that you should be sent on a cruise to Sicily and then given a nice long holiday during the bitterest month of your winter as damages for Herself's betrayal.

Dougie Donk said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dougie Donk said...

I have sulked for weeks and trashed my rain sheet, and still my woman does not relent and let me visit. It is HER fault that your cottage is no longer required!

I become ever more certain of a perfidious plot against our happiness. Wilson is quite right to start early in training people to HIS ways. We donkeys are just too stoic and accomodating. Sigh...

ponymaid said...

billie - I don't know how I do it either. Good thing donkeys are known for their stoicism and strong moral fibre. The Woman let out a delighted squawk when she read the name Thelwell. She claims he has been her favourite equine portraitist since she was a long two year old. Probably during the Dark Ages(which continue here unabated). Wilson is quite Thelwellesque in many respects - especially in the mane department.

Do you know what she said when I mentioned that a restful vacation in Sicily might help my emotional state? She said it was an excellent idea and I could be rented out to haul olives and grapes up and down the dusty hillsides. That's what she said.

ponymaid said...

Dougie - You are a brave and courageous lad! Keep up the good work. Wilson worked on the trainer some more today so he seems ready to soldier on as long as we need him to. Why must we donkeys be martyrs to our good natures and ability to endure what would break lesser spirits? I can not answer that, just wish you luck in your struggle against the oppressors.

billie said...

Sheaffer, the NERVE of Herself to speak of hiring you out to haul olives and grapes!

Perhaps we should send The Woman on what I believe is called a "working vacation" and let her do some grape stomping.

ponymaid said...

billie - As aways, your idea is stellar! The Woman has rather small feet (making her prone to navicular, I believe) so we might have to outfit her with large wooden shoes. I would have no problem with that and of course the other benefit would be a quantity of fruity beverage.

completecare said...

Hi Sheaffer,
I know you have had some major disappointments lately - the bright blue bin is not going to become your cottage, dealing with Wilson and all his health problems, the worry of possibly being joined by a new family member and to make things worse, living under the threat
of being put to work hauling olives and grapes up and down the mountainside. That is way too much for a small donkey to cope with.

I have a "good news" story that will take your mind off all your worries.

My human was out for lunch AGAIN the other day and came home with a great story. She was at a restaurant in the middle of nowhere. The place had lots of empty tables but for some reason two new arrivals were seated beside my human's table. My human recognized one of the woman. She had bought my horse friend Mark from her 28 years ago and they had never crossed paths since. Mark is now 31 and still going strong. Needless to say there was much excited chatter and exchanging of Mark stories. The original owner still remembered Mark after all these years and was thrilled to learn he was still with us.

I thought this story might cheer you up Sheaffer. Someone from your past might appear at any time and bring a ray of sunshine into your life.

Your Fan,


ponymaid said...

Willy - Thirty one is most respectable age for any equine. This has cheered me up no end. Did the human say if Mark was with her at the restaurant (as of course he should have been)?

BumbleVee said...

Unlike you Sheaffer....I can hardly wait for my own big red chalet to disappear. Red is not my favourite colour anyway. Plus... it is always stuffed to the brim with a variety of whatever somebody rips off my regular house...or is in the process of replacing.... endless mounds of 'stuff' believe me! most of it causing dust that lasts days. I have had to endure it (and others like it, in varying sizes) on my lawn and now on the street ... for a few months already. I do have a nice house...well, it will be nice again I'm sure, in a few more months... but, at the moment it is such a state of dishevelment.
I can hardly wait for all the upheaval to cease... and for all the people to disappear...and the constant hammering, sawing and banging to stop.... I want my sanctuary back. I want peace and quiet once again. Oh, how I love my quiet.... I'm looking forward to Christmas and putting my tree up in a clean new smelling front room.... I sure hope they have all left by then.... or...well, I'm putting it up anyway.... so there!

ponymaid said...

Vee - This all sounds quite alarming. Except for the dust. I do enjoy a bit of dust. And I approve highly of a tree in the house. I hope your abode is soon vacated by the worker bees who are causing all the kerfuffle.

Gazelle said...

Hmmm, someone from your past Sheaffer ? Sounds intriguing. Is Doc perhaps coming back home ????

Christine said...

Hmmm... devastating, Sheaffer! I love cosy, warm rooms in cooler months!

I wonder who this potential new equine is?