Sunday, April 26, 2009

I've Been Sprung Upon by Spring

This morning the sun was barely up as I lay in my duvet-like bed, thinking deep thoughts - not snoring heavily as Jack claims. I was practicing my birthday party speech and had just reached the three hour mark. The gate rattled and I opened my eyes fully, anticipating the meagre repast the woman calls breakfast. I received a shock that sent my heart racing and had me on my feet, pinned against the back wall in the space of a micro-second.

A hideous face - well just a head, really, was staring directly at me. It's fangs were bared, it's muzzle bloodied and it's eyes crazed. "Begone, sirrah!", I trumpeted at it. It's evil gaze remained unwavering . The woman rushed in, ready to intervene, and began snickering uncontrollably. "Sheaffer, get a grip", she said, " it's a mouse head - Sally gave you a gift". With that she swept it up and shot it into the rubbish bin. I insisted she clean the bloody smears off my floor mat before I would consent to exit the building. Jack meanwhile rattled the gate that separates our rooms, as he was house-bound until I moved out to the aisle. "Sonny, it's a rodint fer crying out loud - if ya quit thinkin so hard ya wouldn't git these frights. Lansakes, I never seen such a egghead". I'm afraid Jack undervalues the importance of donkey education.

These days Jack is full to the brim with the sheer joy of living and my nerves are beginning to show the strain. Many times a day he instigates "rasslin" matches and I can assure you, age has not diminished his skill in this department. One of his favourite moves is to stand up on his hind legs and paw the air like a wild stallion. When he lands, he gallops off "cuttin the didoes" as he like to say. I think he means capers but the expression is from another era. I just stand and watch as he completes a series of fast circles around me.

Today the woman asked the male human if she should intervene and stop the antics, for fear of possible injury. 'No, if he goes while doing this, he'll be a happy donkey", he said. I thought they must mean me because I can hardly catch my breath after one of these sessions. It turns out they meant Jack! Jack is going nowhere except around the paddock at record breaking speeds. I, however, could do with some time at a spa/clinic that specializes in nervous disorders.


Gale said...

Sheaffer, after your glorious birthday party, I think you should move south.

Our outdoor cat, Boots, doesn't leave miscellaneous body parts anywhere (that I've seen at any rate). And once in a while, there's a donkey stampede in the pasture, but it's all in fun and you could simply stand off to the side and admire the antics of all the silly ones. When we see a great clouds of dust arise from the pasture, we know several are luxuriating in repeated dust baths. Your distinguished presence would put an end to the arguments over a mouthful of hay because all the girls, young and old, would be so smitten with you that they'd willingly give you their shares...well, maybe.....

But Jack would miss you terribly, as would the woman. Yes, you KNOW she would!

billie said...

It's good to hear that Jack is feeling so young and spunky - but I know it's wearing on you.

Rafer Johnson seems to have a similar nature - he likes to play but he also likes solitude and time to ponder things, and he has taken it upon himself to regularly go right through one certain piece of fencing from the main paddock to the barnyard, where he gets in his alone time.

Often Salina and Redford will stand at the fence and stare at him, calling and braying, and if they go on for long, he simply walks to the other side of the round bale and disappears from their sight.

When he's had enough time to himself, he'll go back through and rejoin the herd.

Perhaps the woman will read this and give you some private "Sheaffer" time each day so you can relax and work on important matters like your birthday speech.

Or maybe Jack needs a young "buck" to take under his wing and mentor. (someone like TJ - did I dare type that?) It sure sounds like Jack is rarin' to go and has a lot of energy to burn these days!

robert5721 said...

It is GREAT to hear that Mr Jack is feeling so well....remember that sometimes ya gotta give something to a friend just to keep em honest and on YOUR side, so I advise that you just grin and bear it, AFTER taking a good shot of Jack Daniels that is....maybe give some Jack Daniels to Mr Jack too......hmmmmmmmmmmmmm....that may NOT be a good idea, come to think of it. Us intellectuals need to stick together here hang in there.
Mr Gale

ponymaid said...

Gale, I think I should move south, too. This spring carnage is hard on the nerves. And there are girls, you say? Jack says he is definitely coming aa well.

Billie, yes, solitude and pondering - I see Rafer and I agree on that point fully. It's funny you mention TJ, because given the state of youthful vigour Jack has discovered, he just might be a match for him this spring. I have discovered a small cave under some tree branches and have been going in there to do some thinking - it's too low for Jack to access so he stays just outside and dozes. So far so good.

Mr.Gale, I see you understand. Jack is more than willing to try the Jack Daniels but given the effect strong coffee has on him, I fear I might not survive his "extraordinary lightness of being". Those alfalfa cubes must have a secret ingredient. Wait, maybe it's Jack Daniels...