This morning the sun was barely up as I lay in my duvet-like bed, thinking deep thoughts - not snoring heavily as Jack claims. I was practicing my birthday party speech and had just reached the three hour mark. The gate rattled and I opened my eyes fully, anticipating the meagre repast the woman calls breakfast. I received a shock that sent my heart racing and had me on my feet, pinned against the back wall in the space of a micro-second.
A hideous face - well just a head, really, was staring directly at me. It's fangs were bared, it's muzzle bloodied and it's eyes crazed. "Begone, sirrah!", I trumpeted at it. It's evil gaze remained unwavering . The woman rushed in, ready to intervene, and began snickering uncontrollably. "Sheaffer, get a grip", she said, " it's a mouse head - Sally gave you a gift". With that she swept it up and shot it into the rubbish bin. I insisted she clean the bloody smears off my floor mat before I would consent to exit the building. Jack meanwhile rattled the gate that separates our rooms, as he was house-bound until I moved out to the aisle. "Sonny, it's a rodint fer crying out loud - if ya quit thinkin so hard ya wouldn't git these frights. Lansakes, I never seen such a egghead". I'm afraid Jack undervalues the importance of donkey education.
These days Jack is full to the brim with the sheer joy of living and my nerves are beginning to show the strain. Many times a day he instigates "rasslin" matches and I can assure you, age has not diminished his skill in this department. One of his favourite moves is to stand up on his hind legs and paw the air like a wild stallion. When he lands, he gallops off "cuttin the didoes" as he like to say. I think he means capers but the expression is from another era. I just stand and watch as he completes a series of fast circles around me.
Today the woman asked the male human if she should intervene and stop the antics, for fear of possible injury. 'No, if he goes while doing this, he'll be a happy donkey", he said. I thought they must mean me because I can hardly catch my breath after one of these sessions. It turns out they meant Jack! Jack is going nowhere except around the paddock at record breaking speeds. I, however, could do with some time at a spa/clinic that specializes in nervous disorders.