BEAR ATTACK!!

It was absolutely harrowing. It has taken me nearly a week to work up the courage to even speak of it. I'm surprised it didn't turn me into an albino donkey overnight.

To set the stage, it was an evening like most others. Herself clanged and clattered around in the tack room, preparing our evening meal, Sally played sabre tooth tiger in the hay pile in the aisle and Penny scouted around for edibles (ie: virtually anything). Herself opened the door and the other three marched into their rooms and began swilling away at the trough. I prefer to take my time and usually stand outside until the spirit moves me, at which point I slowly make my way inside. This particular evening was no exception and I stood pondering the more complicated points of the universe.

I had just stepped into the run-in when the most alarming series of events began to unfold. It was by now pitch black outside and the first thing I saw was a pinpoint of light up high in our hay storage. There were some rustling sounds and suddenly an avalanche of bales crashed into the metal gates. From under the bales came a series of hideous grunts and gutteral noises. The light, which was obviously the eye of a savage predator, now rose from the hay pile - and it was attached to a hulking, growling form! Yes, a bear, and probably a grizzly from the sounds of it.

I wasted no time in following that succinct Shakespearean stage direction "Exit, stage left, pursued by bear". The beast did indeed pursue me and then began calling my name. I broke a land speed record in retreating to the far reaches of the paddock. It gradually occurred to my adrenalin primed brain that I am not on a first name basis with any bears; the voice revealed itself as...yes, you know who.

The beam of light sought me out and Herself, wearing almost an entire bale of hay about her person, limped over to apologize and console me. I refused to be consoled and rejected the apology. I galloped to the other end of the paddock in a state of highest dudgeon. I simply could not believe that even SHE could create such havoc through sheer clumsiness. I stayed out in the dark, brooding. And what were my herd mates doing meanwhile? Why, carrying on as if I hadn't been a victim of a savage bear attack! Yes, yes, I know, it wasn't an actual bear. But it could have been.

I finally consented to be bribed inside with a gummi worm and bit of apple. Jack was highly delighted with the entire drama. "playin davy crocket, were ya? king of the wild frontier? sonny, ya caint skin a bear if yer runnin the other way". And then he wheezed and shook till his eyes watered. Old people can be amused by the most inappropriate things.