Monday, October 22, 2007

What a bizarre and confusing day. During the night the white cat brought me a gift mouse (I know it was a gift because no parts were missing) and left it in the dining area at the front of my room. When the female human came in to let us out, I was absentmindedly pushing it around on the stall mat. Well! You'd have thought it was radioactive the way she carried on. It was snatched away and buried without my being consulted. Infuriating. Wait till someone gives her a book or something... Ha, then we'll see.

Then, more ructions when she was cleaning our rooms. I made my way, stealth like, into the barn by the back door. She was busy toiling away, so I made my way into the tack room and found a dish of cat food. Quite tasty - dry and with a nice after-taste on the palate. I was evicted quite rudely and then told off for knocking over a bucket of water on my way out. The woman is obviously a lunatic.

Now, here is the really confusing bit. The male human promised to write me my own personal piece of music. Ahhh, I thought, something Gregorian, possibly a Madrigal or even a little light opera. Imagine my amazement when I scanned the piece and found it completely incomprehensible. Cribs? Peeps? Bros? What on earth is he talking about?? Then tonight he told me he's getting me some oversized trousers that I must wear around my hips and a pair of mirrored sunglasses. I don't even like the large dog blanket they tried to make me wear. He's obviously as mad as she is. I'm thinking of packing my trunks and moving in with my friend Cruiser. Quiet, sensible woman who kneels down so she can speak to you one on one and who doesn't gibber nonsense in my sensitive ears. Best of all, she lives on another continent.


Horsebroke said...

Sheaffer - love your blog - it took me a bit to get here, life's been busy and the phone kept ringing.

Quess what Sheaffer?? - I have some new camera equipment thanks to ebay - and I can't wait to come over for a photo shoot. Talk to your human and have her call me.

ponymaid said...

Ooooo! I love cameras! All those little, fiddly bits. I am also an excellent "study" and can hold a pose almost indefinitely. I look forward to working with you.

Cruiser said...

Shaeffer! Buddy. Come any time.

Next time one of the humans comes in carrying a sack try to ascertain if it has keys in it. That should be your first clue it is a "purse" humans use to carry important items. You may have heard the word before, probably with "Where is my . . . " in front. It will also probably not smell like food but that's not a given with horse people. If it seems a likely vessel inspect it thoroughly until you find a smaller sack containing strips of paper, small metal discs and plastic cards. Look for cards that say "VISA" or "Mastercard" on them and make a note of ALL the numbers on them along with the name on the bottom. Make a note if necessary. You could probably get away with just taking the cards (no one ever suspects the donkey . . . ) but the resulting drama might interfere with your own schedule. Those numbers are just like money. A quick search for "airfares London UK" will get you to a site and on a plane before you know it. Zoom is cheaper but I'd recommend Air Canada - take the new 777 plane with the personal entertainment system and extra leg room. Remember to check the "vegetarian meal" option.

We have a spacious back room, a lovely sheltered garden and numerous lovely restaurants within trotting distance. I think you would fit easily into our new car and would enjoy visiting the many close National Trust properties.

They are very quadraped friendly here! And it doesn't snow.

Let me know your travel plans and I will meet you at Heathrow.


ponymaid said...

Cruiser, I'm on my way. I'm bringing dried corn leaves and Maple leaf twigs. I will also bring my sou'wester for rainy days.I'm very tidy and will dust my room daily and generally help around the house. We can live off the gold plastic rectangle until they notice I'm gone. Cheers for now!