Monday, January 5, 2009

Jack The Reluctant Test Pilot

With Molly gone to winter boarding, Doc has been moping around and just generally looking glum. This morning the woman went off to the human feed store and left us in the sun with our hay. Because there was a cold wind blowing, Jack was wearing his checked coat. And that gave Doc an idea. Doc's "ideas" invariably follow a tortuous path to an inevitable cataclysmic finale.

"Dood", Doc said to Jack. "I kin have ya outta that dork suit in no time". Jack wasn't convinced. He's quite proud of his new coat and said he'd have to think it over. What that means is that he will suck on one of his remaining teeth while falling into a reverie which then turns into a light doze. Doc is not noted for his patience, and while Jack was at the reverie stage, Doc grabbed the top of his blanket and suspended him in midair, like someone dangling on a rope under a rescue aircraft. Jack awoke with a start. "Lissen sonny", he said, "I never volunteered for the air farce, you set me down quick". Doc made some muffled noises and dropped him with a thud.

Jack was now sitting on his hindquarters with the blanket pulled over his head. There were exclamations of horror from inside the blanket but we couldn't quite make out what he was saying. I began berating Doc, reminding him that Jack wasn't some sort of elderly Flying Walenda to be spun around like a circus performer. With that, Doc grabbed the blanket once more and by dint of a series of violent jerks, caused Jack to slide out onto the snow like a newborn seal. Jack was both incensed and disoriented and went off to the run-in to have an attack of indignant squitters.

Doc swung the blanket around in circles over his head and when that grew old, threw it on the ground and began attacking it like a terrier. He did not realize that the woman had turned in the driveway and had seen the drama unfold in it's entirety. She sped up, shot past the house turn-off , beeped the beeper thing at him and screeched to a halt. We could hear her ranting before she opened the door. When the door flew open, she disembarked, followed by an avalance of spilled foodstuffs. She was an unbecoming shade of dark purple. Doc attempted a hasty retreat, which would have been flawless except that one of the straps from Jack's blanket was caught around his front leg. He galloped away, doing a demented Highland fling with the encumbered limb and eventually flicking off the offending blanket. Then he hid behind the barn. And the woman stomped off with the blanket.

There is always some sort of farce being played out around here. I just never know if I'll be a member of the audience or in the spotlight. I tried to comfort Jack by telling him the Bard of Avon had once sagely remarked that "all the world's a stage". "Don't know no Bart Haven", said Jack, "but I'm at a stage where I could do with considerable less ickcitement".


libraryperson said...

Someone does not like being dressed up!!

billie said...

Oh my! I am sorry for Jack, who had to go through such a sudden and un-asked for rebirth process (people sometimes pay big money for that, you know) but the thought of the woman driving up and catching this whole scenario from her car window is making me quite giddy.

And the idea of Doc hiding behind the barn! At least he got behind something big enough to hide him. Sometimes our pony will get behind a tree, imagining himself invisible, but whoa, he is sticking out all over.

The closest thing Redford has to a purse is his empty feed tub, which he often hauls around in his teeth, in case someone should happen by with a hand-out.

robert5721 said...

I feel sorry for the Docinator with HIS company gone, but an attack on Mr Jack is TOTALLY is the time to start to use Dougie Donks indifferent posture to the MAX..ignore DOC until he says that he is sorry and promises to NEVER do that him where the awful feed/plastic bags are and tell him that THEY are O K for those antics, but Mr Jack IS OFF LIMITS!!(as are YOU, by the way)..
Good Luck, and let me know how the Doc Training goes..
Mr Gale

Dougie Donk said...

Oh dear, it sounds as if Doc has no respect for age and experience.

Our 17.2 TB x ID is similarly inclined to grab my blankets by the neck & haul upwards. I have found that leaning forwards & nipping behind his elbow serves as a sharp reminder that whilst little, I am not to be fooled with!

As Jack has so few remaining teeth, pehaps you could act as his minder? You may even be able to extort some protection money (feed) from Doc in return for not extracting too much of his hair :))

Buddy said...

Oh Poor Jack - I hope he is ok this evening.

I'm not sure how that happened as I don't think my sport coat would come off - but I guess anything is possible in the equine world.

Tell Doc I understand his pain as I am missing Molly too!

Anonymous said...

Doc is a thug and his behaviour is, well, abominable. Donkey abuse is a world-wide problem, not just in Jack's paddock. However good things happen too. I draw your attention to the BBC News site (which Fred and I like peruse over lunch) and read this report from Ethiopia:

Speaking of abominable, we suffered 8 inches of snow yesterday and were festooned with the stuff from the tips of our ears to our tails. What was the fat lady's response? She brushed us off vigorously with the stable broom. Strangely enough, this was quite enjoyable and we asked her to do it again and again until she bustled us into our stall for warm water and mountains of hay - the usual hardship.

Anonymous said...

The fat lady instructs me to add that her old Anglo-Arab used to pick up the sheep by the fleece - an antic that got her banned from the field and eventually from the farm. She went on to live out her days with a show herd of dairy shorthorns, which proved much harder to get lift.

ponymaid said...

libraryperson - Doc takes great exception to others being dressed up but fails to apply the same standard to himself. He was quite cozy in his coat while he was relieving Jack of his clothing.

Billie, I am so glad you mentioned the desirability of the rebirth process - I will see if Jack can see the positive side of it. Doc always hides when he has been apprehended in the act - and like your pony, usually leaves some telltale part exposed - like his large bottom. I hope you are putting a little something in Redford's tub when he presents it to you? That sort of resourcefulness needs to be rewarded.

Mr. Gale, you need to come here and have a word with Doc. He's been lectured at great length and is most penitent but he has a short memory and is soon back to his brigandish ways. If it's not nailed down, he carts it off and that seems to include Jack in his blanket.

Dougie, I can see you are at the mercy of a member of the horse tribe as well. They simply do not have adequate respect for us. I highly approve of your extortion plan and will put it in effect, but Doc is notoriously bad at figuring out complex schemes. Cause and effect are but a passing breeze in the Doc consciousness.

Buddy, maybe you'd better come up here with Mr. Gale. Doc would have someone to play with and you could commiserate about the absence of the blonde one.

Ginger, we are likewise plagued with the white menace. The woman sweeps Doc off with the broom thing and he finds it absolutely hilarious (why am I not surprised)? We won't let her near us with it. Could you send us some of those Shorthorn creatures for Doc to carry around? He's supposed to have "cow" working bloodlines.

Buddy said...

Hay Sheaffer - if I come up to hang out with Mr Gale and Doc - would I have the opportunity to see my Christmas Floozie?