Friday, February 29, 2008

TJ Learns a Painful Lesson

Much as he irritates and torments me, I feel a certain responsibility to show TJ the do's and don'ts of living here. He came up here from Texas last summer and has no clue about the hidden dangers of winter.

This morning I was telling him that jumping up and down on the frozen surface of the water trough would eventually end in an icy drenching and he said "Lalalala, I can't hear you, I'm making too much noise. Hahahahah!" He continued his infantile kaboinging and eventually, seeing that I had made a point of turning away, he ran off to commit more vandalism.

One hard lesson I learned as a youngster was to never, ever, put your tongue on a metal surface on a cold winter's day. I was trying to explain this to TJ, who kept saying "Yeahyeahyeah, blahblahblah, you're not the boss of me ole furface." Whereupon, he rushed up to the metal gate and jammed his tongue against it. I must confess, I had mixed emotions. I couldn't resisit saying "I TOLD YOU SO" but seeing him struggling and whimpering, I felt a slight twinge of remorse. Doc came over and gave him a hard shove on the backside but that only caused him to howl louder. The woman appeared and made reassuring noises but when she tried to help him, he came unglued (except for his tongue) and threw himself backwards. We still have bits of tongue welded to the middle bar of the gate. Revolting.

He blames me entirely - of course. "Thish ish all yor fault" he said, "jusht you wait an shee, I will caush you lotsha pain." Wonderful. Now in addition to his hyperactivity he has a speech impediment. I can't wait for winter to end.


robert5721 said...

Shaeffer! I have an excellent idea! Get TJ to lick the gate again and then take a broomstick and push the hotwire to the electric fence over to meet the will not even notice the speech impediment while he is intermittently convulsing from the shocks....maybe the woman will notice the rise in the electricity bill after a few days and go to see that TJ is causing it. Of course she will turn it off, but, what the heck.....a few days of no flack from TJ IS a few days of mental health for YOU !! YAY !!
Loves ya bud!!
Mr Gale

ponymaid said...

Heeheehee,shock therapy - worth any extra electrical onsumption! I am also reading "Lobotomies for Dummies" and hope to put my new knowledge to good use soon. My fear is that it would somehow enhance TJ's over-large personality rather than flattening it. In which case, expect me at your door, equipped with duffel bag and steamer trunk.

robert5721 said...

you are MORE than welcome here at the farm ANYTIME....Dicey and Liebschen are tidying up the abode for visitors and all of the little donks are rolling in the dust to make sure that they are at their most beautiful for your has been warming up some lately, but boy, the wind is blowing big time. Bring the puppy with you so we can watch the saildog races for entertainment.Poor TJ just needs time to figure it all 30 years to life I think.
Mr Gale

Gale said...

Poor little TJ! (Once again, I start out my reply in the usual fashion.) He seems destined to learn everything the hard way, doesn't he? I hope he is not still shaking like a leaf in the barn after his run in with the metal gate.

I commend you, Sheaffer, on your sypathetic response to his unfortunate predicament.

While you are always welcome here, I'm beginning to think you should consider sending "Poor Little TJ" to summer camp here. Our group of jennets...ummm, I mean camp counselors...would soon have him towing the line.

ponymaid said...

Gale, I think that sending TJ to your place for camp is a wonderful idea! A herd of domineering jennets is just what he needs. So far he's not very good at crafts but they could teach him the basics.

I plan to sing him that nursery rhyme about "four and twenty mules baked in a pie". Of course, any such product would have to come with a health warning.