Thursday, July 16, 2009

That's It - She's Fired!

And about time, too. I've been extremely lenient about the shocking lack of attention I've received lately but enough is enough. It's one thing their returning from a leisurely vacation empty handed (of donkey presents). They had other things which are of no earthly use to me - for example, a large portable rain-proof dome and some ridiculous shoes for human feet. HOWEVER, I take great umbrage at being casually dismissed for the last several days because the woman and Molly are embarking on their annual clomping-off-to-the-mountains trip.

First, Molly got special metal shoes with golf cleats on the heels. We three boys only got the usual rasp and file treatment. This is not a pony who should have shoes. Her already annoying habit of rapping on her stall door has turned into a veritable " strum und drang" session every evening at dinner time. Then the woman shrieks "stopthatrightnowori'llsellyoutothegypsiesfordogfood". Most uncivilized and reminiscent of those dreadful after-Christmas stampedes I've heard of on the radio thingy.

Then - you won't believe this one - Molly the ATV pony got a chiropractic adjustment. First one I've seen and if you ask me, that man had his work cut out for him. Molly loved it and only gave a startled grunt when her neck made a sound like a cracking two by four. Of all the nonsense I've been forced to witness, this is the limit. Jack calls it "jest high class rasslin" and I believe he's correct.

Now, the trailer is being packed with enough supplies to keep a Lewis and Clarke expedition going for a year. Molly oversees from her side of the fence, looking very smug, and reminding the woman to pack adequate food supplies, including treats, special powders, mints and other dainties. Honestly. That pony could live off her blubber until the snow flies.

The last straw (oh wait, I think she packed that for Molly as well) came today when I sidled up to the woman and asked for my eleventh ear rub of the day. I usually average about fifteen. She said "Sheaffer, I just don't have time. I'll make it up to you when I get back." Oh no she won't. I dismissed her on the spot. We are having the far superior Marianne in to see to our needs and I plan to offer her the position full-time. I think I've been more than reasonable but how much more could a donkey be expected to bear?


billie said...

Sheaffer! How horrible! Come down and stay with us - we will crown you Donkey King of November Hill! I am sure Team R&R will defer the crown for you.

Dougie Donk said...

Goodness! Bring forward your journey & load the steamer trunk immediately... the red carpet awaits you :)

Finn the Wonder Pony said...

Oh Sheaffer! This is absolutely unconscionable!!! She MUST be dismissed! Have Marianne bar and lock the gate to the driveway, so herself and the pony atv cannot gain access when they return. They can both go off to that fancy place Molly stays in the winter. And, please don't tell me they're taking any of YOUR mints with them! I will Personally come up there and give them both my Most Petulant Scowl!!! You could also threaten to sell them to Cowboy Racing. Here is a link to a movie of a Haflinger in a Cowboy Race. ( If the link doesn't work, go to and type in "gelinas farm". It's the second video, Elaina and Pea Eye... The very idea of going that fast should scare both of them...

Dougie Donk said...

Gosh, do cowboys all canter their horses on ground that hard? Tammy pony says it makes her feet hurt just to think about it!

South Valley Girl said...

Well it's a sad, sad commentary on human-donkey relations to hear your tale of abuse and neglect - this is shocking, Sheaffer, truly shocking.

Do you suppose... I hesitate to say this, but... do you suppose Herself has fallen in with a bad crowd? I'm not counting Molly, of course (even though it sounds like Molly would qualify as a crowd single-hoofedly), but perhaps there are sinister forces outside your territory who have interfered with her brain in some way, perhaps some evil mind control project or something equally nefarious? What else can account for her callous disregard for your welfare?

It sounds like an intervention is in order. This simply can't go on.