Saturday, July 11, 2009

This Is Most Inconvenient

And inconsiderate. The two resident humans left town last Monday for a trip to the Nation's Capital and did not notify me until they were about to embark in their motorized vehicle. I stood at the fence, absolutely stunned, and called for them to return immediately. They simply drove off in a cloud of dust. They returned today and I am shunning them for the forseeable future, especially as they went to museums and excluded self and Jack. I love museums, just not the ones Jack calls "all modreen and new fangled". Give me an acre or so of dusty mummies or ancient pottery and I'm a donkey in my element. I'm extremely hurt by their callousness.

We had the human called Jamie caring for us and there are no complaints in that department. The woman leaves a list of instructions, wants, needs, peccadillos, preferences and must haves that he follows to the letter. She even gave him a course in how to cook Jack's dinner. As you may be able to tell, he is a donkey man to the core and is far superior to Herself in every way. We would like to do a swap but she seems to be relentlessly un-swapable. Like a bad smell, she just keeps finding her way back.

Sally greeted her with a lavish display of purring and rolling on the floor but we have maintanined a stoney silence. It irks her no end. Best of all, Sally keeps inadvertently scaring the woman half to death by playing with large bumblebees. The bees land in the hay storage to scout around and Sally amuses herself by pushing them down with her paw and slowly releasing the pressure to see if they are still there. They are, and growing more apoplectic by the second. The woman tries to distract Sally but the result is that Sally simply releases her hold and the bee makes- well, a bee line - for the woman, causing her to do a series of frantic backwards leaps into the hay storage gate. Highly entertaining, especially when Molly is holding the gate firmly shut with her muscular muzzle.

I haven't decided when I will resume communication with the woman but plan to make her suffer for a sufficiently long period of time. We didn't even get guilt presents this time. She must be made to pay.


billie said...

Oh, Sheaffer, I'm sorry that the woman didn't bring presents. Are you sure? Sometimes she hides them, and perhaps she felt since you'd just gotten the wonderful package from CindyLouWho you could wait a bit before getting more goodies.

You are all lucky to have Jamie to come care for you. We have not had a "whole family" vacation in FIVE years!

We split up and go, but one of us is always here overseeing the equines. (who would probably welcome some nice easily-influenced person to dole out food and treats upon demand)

I think you all should utilize some reverse psychology and shower the woman with heretofore unknown levels of affection - THAT would really shake her up. :)

Dougie Donk said...

I like Billie's theory of reverse psychology! Once you have showered your woman with enough affection to make her feel really guilty, perhaps you could get her to assign the computer to your sole use?

If so, this site will more than make up for her not taking you to the museum & also act as preparation for your planned visit

Buddy said...

HAy Sheaffer - no presents? What was she thinking. I would be upset as well - ignore her. I have to tell you I'm loving Molly more and more - she is so creative and devious!


ponymaid said...

Billie, I'm afraid it wasn't an oversight on her part - she's just what Jack calls "downright cheep". I can send Jamie your way if you would like to take a vacation "en famille"; he is not despotic at all and never makes us work. The woman and I are still not on speaking terms and try as I might, I can't seem to lavish anything on her except withering looks. I'll keep working towards sending her into a complete meltdown.

Dougie, I like your idea of a donkey-specific writing machine. It's only as it should be. I have packed the Sheaffer tartan in my steamer trunk in preparation for my visit to your castle. You do live in a castle? I am on my way west.

Buddy, I am working industriously at ignoring her, though it's difficult when she's bearing gummy worms and mints. You are absolutely correct in assessing Molly as devious - one might even say criminal, given the number of things she has purloined lately.

Dougie Donk said...

Sheaffer, I am so glad that you are heading our way! My woman has been instructed to steam clean the red "welcome" mat.

Regrettably, the castle is now beyond repair & we have been forced to relocate to wooden stable blocks.

On the plus side, I can see the woman's abode from my room & summon her attention as soon as she arises in the morning. The foolish ex-racehorse has been instructed to live out for a while, so that you can have the room next to mine :))

Anonymous said...

We are speechless that herself and the male human passed a mere mile from Elfwood Farm and did not pay a courtesy visit. We would gladly have rolled in a special mixture of dirt, leaves and manure to beautify ourselves for the visit. Alas, we are relegated along with Sheaffer and Jack into the anteroom of neglect.

We have been working hard at being bad all spring and really need a summer vacation but nothing seems to be on offer. When the fat lady and Annie going trekking in the large vanilla horse transporter, we stand at the gate and wail - a dirge that sounds like bagpipes with a flavour of jet engine turbines warming up. Our sorrow and complaints are unanswered.

We understand that the fat lady and Annie are heading south to ride with the woman in parts distant. We have not received an invitation to this get-together though we would be very handy to have around should someone require wood to be chewed or brooms to be dissected.

In their absence, we will take sole possession of the mountain of stone dust that the fat lady had dumped in the barnyard. This is the very best donkey toy invented and ours is being battered down daily as we run up and down, wrestle and roll on it.

p.s. Sheaffer - get the woman to give you a map. If you're heading west to see Dougie, you're going to have to travel through Asia to get to Scotland. You will need more than a steamer trunk for the pilgrimage.

billie said...

I think I was in error to suggest a showering of affection.

It seems donkeys here and yonder are feeling ignored, restless, and ready for rebellion.

Perhaps a pilgrimage to Scotland is just the right thing to do - can't you just see all the donkeys in kilts, with dirks strapped to themselves, braying the bagpipes?

I'm sure without having even to ask that Redford is IN.

Rafer Johnson? He might require some convincing, but I think he would look so handsome in a kilt I would be willing to work on him.

robert5721 said...

Sheaffer and Jack,
The unmitigated NERVE of some persons on this planet...
I can NOT believe that youall did not even get a mummies finger or whatever as a token of sorrow and request for forgiveness....I FULLY support your stone wall approach to this type of UNFORGIVABLE behavior !!
That is really RUDE to the highest degree.... maybe you and sir Jack can give them a present that they can step in a few times before they figure out what is really going on....he he he ....
Mr Gale

ponymaid said...

Dougie my lad, Jack and I are packing even as we speak. We will look for the newly swept red royal mat.

Ginger, I know! They are barbaric in the extreme. They say they were on the way to do a "pop-in" at your abode on Saturday when they were swept up in some sort of maelstrom of water and lightning. They crept along, lights flashing, and part of a whole herd of slow moving conveyances. They did appear to have unusually white knuckles... Keep up the good work on the gravel pile - your actions won't be hampered by the beauteous but officious Annie - she and Molly will be hauling humans up and down mountains. Good for all of 'em, I say!

Mr. Gale, don't worry, the big freeze continues unabated. The nerve of the woman. A few glazed carrots, a candy apple - anything would have done, but no, home she traipsed, empty handed. She will continue to pay.