Monday, March 31, 2008

At Least It's Not Fish Heads

With all the messiness of spring unfolding around us, it was inevitable that those air bags with baskets of humans hanging underneath should appear in the skies. They're quite silent, except for the odd sighing sound and usually the first noise we hear is distant chatter high above our heads. I find it prudent to stay in the treed area in case they turn out to be some sort of avian predator. Daisy the pony who lived with us long ago used to become infuriated at the sight of them and would chase them as far as the fence line, snorting and grumbling, with her ears pinned. Sometimes the basket humans laughed at her and it made her even more furious.

A few years ago we noticed some activity in one of our back fields and did our best to tell the woman but she thought we were just being silly. This was very early in the morning when she was cleaning our rooms. A man suddenly appeared at the door and said "Err, hello, can you tell me where the owner is?" He spoke very slowly and a bit too loudly, as if he were addressing someone of limited mental capacity (which of course he was). It may have been the woman's appearance, which was that of a pile of rags surmounted by a haystack of hair. She said "I"m the owner, can I help you?" He seemed disinclined to believe her but eventually said "Would you like a glass of champagne?" It seems one of the air bags had crash-landed in our back field and the custom is to offer the property owner a conciliataory glass of bubbly liquid. She declined and gave him permission to drive to our back field to rescue the humans. Meanwhile, we had been greeting him most effusively and asking to try the bubbly liquid. When he offered us nothing, we coated him in green grass slime and walked off in a pointed manner.

We could see a circle of humans standing around the fallen air bag, which was spread out on the furrows like a huge horseblanket, the basket tipped on it's side. Shortly after, they were loaded into their vehicle and driven down the farm lane past the barn. They had the whitest faces I've ever seen and rode by in stunned silence. The man rolled down his window and asked the woman if she would like a coupon for a free air bag ride. For some reason she declined. Doc was devastated as it's always been one of his goals to soar above the masses, bombarding them with various disgusting substances.

I remain highly sceptical about any sort of air travel and will stick to my metal box on wheels. Donkeys were not meant to fly, although the woman does occasionally call me "Pigasus". I can't think why.


robert5721 said...

Your buddy Rambo, here at the farm, just did your trick with the wheelbarrow....whittled the handle and turned it right over so he could inspect the contents for snacks....odd. as it was HIS poopla that inhabited the wheeelbarrow at the time..have you been talking to him?
Mr Gale

Gale said...

Floating baskets of humans offering champagne? Hey, I’m there, Sheaffer! I cannot believe that “gentleman” did not offer you some! If you ask me, he deserved to be slimed for crashing in your pasture and not offering the “true owners” a glass of bubbly.

We live not far from a local airport and have seen parachutists floating around…so far, nobody has landed in our pastures. They'd be in for a rude surprise if they did -- surrounded by many curious (horned) cows or a number of terrified donkeys. Of course, if they knew champagne were in the offing, no telling what would happen. At the very least, a brief chew on the basket might have helped overcome the shock of the crash landing on your property!

Yes, all in all, way better than fish heads!

ponymaid said...

Mr. Gale, I have indeed been speaking to Rambo and offering suggestions on the management and inspection of wheelbarrows. He will be my Poopla Advisor when I become President so I feel he should be up to date on all pertinent techniques. There's a lot of poopla in the world of politics...

Gale, you're right, they could at least have offered us the defective basket. I find it very rude when strangers intrude on our space and then reel back at our approach, as though we are some revolting alien species. He DID fall out of the sky, so perhaps HE was an alien...