Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Stabbed in Our Own House

We knew something was up when the woman lured us into our rooms at 11am with false words and carrots. Once under house arrest we had our halters put on. That means one of two things; either the foot man is coming or Dr. Maggie is showing up with her needle collection. It was the latter.

Because of my severe needle phobia, they decided I should go first so I woudn't have time to brood. Dr. Maggie was very crafty and plied me with bits of Stud Muffin, which I'm afraid has the effect of blotting out any short term thoughts I may have. I was somewhat alarmed to feel the first stab and backed away hastily, winding us both around the two new posts in my stall. Her assistant rushed over a new batch of Stud Muffins and by consuming them non-stop, I was able to soldier my way through the ordeal. Then she grabbed my tongue and did a very thorough and quite personal search of my mouth and teeth. I don't know what she was searching for but she gave up and moved on to Doc.

He doesn't mind the mouth search at all and when she finished in his mouth he gave a hearty cough, laced with bits of muffin, managing to spread it liberally on their persons. He was very brave about his needles and just made his nose very pointy to show that he doesn't really care for the yearly stabbing.

Dr. Maggie stuck her hand in Molly's mouth next and extracted the longest, most muscular tongue this side of a Water Buffalo. Molly must do weight lifting with it to get it in that sort of shape. Molly had something called points on her back teeth so she was taken into the run-in and strung up from the rafters to have them "floated". She had been given a drug of some sort and was very relaxed and rather rubbery of leg. There she hung, with a large motorized device buzzing around in her mouth, sanding down the points. They must have been sharp because when the woman put her hand in to feel she said "Ouch". Meanwhile TJ could see all this from his stall and had a prolonged panic attack. He remembers Dr. Maggie as the fiend who came awhile ago and pulled out one of his baby caps. As he said "it's her agin ! she's mental an she jus wants to tak all our teeth an sell em!" He has a very Dickensian imagination.

Molly looked like the last customer at closing time and had to be helped back to her stall to sleep it off. Then Dr. Maggie decided she should try to make friends with TJ and reassure him that she is not a serial mule torturer. He would have none of it and refused to take a treat from her hand, spinning and jumping whenever she got close. I could have told her that once he has made up his mind, you can move heaven and earth and nothing will change it. I know this because I explained the electric fence to him in detail and he still says it's powered by evil forces that live in the wires and pinch you on the nose when you touch it. I'm sure he'd be an excellent recruit for the Flat Earth Society.

We were so releived that it was all over that when the woman released us we stampeded down the paddock like the hounds of hell were on our heels - actually TJ pretends it a herd of vets.

15 comments:

Gale said...

Clever, those humans, aren't they? Consider yourself lucky...our Dr. John doesn't even attempt to curry favor with treats, so Petunia's always first for the needles because if she sees what's coming, there's just no catching her, which is quite embarrassing, considering she can outrun me in a small pen.

Hooray for Doc and his pointy nose! He knows how to show those people what's what and who's who!

It's needle time for all of our donkeys very soon, and I'm not looking forward to the workout.

On to a more pleasant topic: Our SheafferWear T-shirts and coffee mugs arrived today! WE LOVE THEM! Your portrait is crystal clear. I shall share my morning coffee with you tomorrow! Thank you, Sheaffer!

robert5721 said...

Sheaffer,
I didn't wait for Gale....I had my mug loaded, and made the fatal mistake of looking at your new entries...about the time "lloking for doc's brain" showed up, it was all over.

yeah, all over the monitor, the keyboard, the speakers, the wall, my shirt, my pants and the floor....I am STILL laughing....thanks there buddy!!
Mr Gale

ponymaid said...

I'm very excited that your articles have shown up and especially that the mug possesses the projectile qualities so lacking in many other mugs. We haven't seen any of my creations yet so are very glad to get good reports.

There were no signs of any grey matter in Doc's head and Dr. Maggie even looked in with a light.

Uncle Ed said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Uncle Ed said...

Sheaffer,
Sorry for the last deleted blog, I think faster than I type and the words got all messed up. Tell the terrible little terror TJ that the posts are for strapping him dowm so that the tooth fairy can come claim all his teeth. He may not be found for weeks, hiding from the woman. I say more stud muffins are in order for you, for being so brave of heart. Your courage is truly outstanding!

Uncle Ed

ponymaid said...

Oh uncle ed, your political wiles are second to none. The Clinton woman will be approaching you any day. I think your spin on the Tooth Fairy might solve my problem very neatly. I plan to lean over just as TJ is dozing off in the evening and whisper "Run, the vet is here!" There may be TJ shaped holes in the walls.

billie said...

Oh, dear, this dental thing is coming to us in two weeks.

The vet was here yesterday to see Salina's lame leg. Rafer Johnson monitored the entire exam over the vet's shoulder and buttered him up with donkey hugs, THEN tried to steal his cell phone!

I'm very nervous to report that the vet is coming back on Friday to (shhhh!) geld (shhhh!) Rafer Johnson. I have scheduled hot stone massages for both Salina and ME for later that afternoon, as I know we are going to need relaxing. I figure Rafer will just as soon not have anyone massaging anything for awhile.

I'm glad your dental nightmares are done and you can move on into summer with no worries. Not to mention ammo for terrorizing TJ!

ponymaid said...

Poor, poor Rafer. The teeth are nothing compared to the painful assault on one's most personal and private area. My ordeal was thirteen years ago this month and I remember every second of it. We donkeys often need more of the sleep inducing potion and I'm afraid I didn't receive enough. There was an infection, ,more needles in my neck and infections in those sites. A nightmare. I have heard of many donkeys who have no recollection of the procedure and I'm sure that will be Rafer's experience.

I hope that Salina's leg is on the mend. Rafer is showing a keen interest in the medical profession and must be allowed full access to the vet's equipment, including cell phone. He may have a change of heart after his operation...

Ginger (Baker not Rogers) said...

Hey Rafer
Fred and I had a similar bad vet visit in March and I can highly recommend the drugs. The Fat Lady's vet is very donkey-wise and gave us a happy shot of pre-op to ease our tiny craniums. Then, just when we were past all caring, he hustled me into Annie's stall and I don't remember much after that though I do have occasional nightmares about someone dragging me by my ears!

All is well now - we have recovered fully and are back to nonstop World of Donkey Wrestling with a little chicken and dog chasing thrown in.

billie said...

Thanks for the reassurance, Sheaffer and Ginger. We will be SO GLAD when it's over.

robert5721 said...

Hey Raefer and all, some things NEED DRUGS....and this type of thing be one of em....JUST DON'T FORGET TO BREATHE WHILE IT IS GOING ON, or the vet will give you a wake up shot right in the middle of it...Ewwwww....I was a registered nurse for a lot of years, and have an idea of what they are up to.
Mr Gale

completecare said...

Hi Sheaffer,
My mom has a sore leg so she got to stay inside today. I think she is faking it so she didn't have to go out in the rain. Anyway I got to spend the day with my friend Mark (15h paint) We make quite a couple grazing side by side. We got our West Nile Virus shots a couple weeks ago. Both my mom and I are well behaved. We don't even need to be tied up just a rope looped over our necks. When we first arrived here several years ago it was quite a DIFFERENT story so there is hope for TJ. We have out teeth done along with the rest of our shots in the fall. Teeth floating does not go as well. There are actions involving airs above the ground and all sorts of gymnastics but the dentist is persistent and our teeth get done!!!

Your fan,

Willy

billie said...

Rafer Johnson's procedure is OVER and he is fine. Munching hay in his paddock enjoying the cool evening breeze.

His best friend and adoptive mom Salina fared worse - she was in a frenzy due to Rafer's gelding and then had to get 4x the normal amount of sedative to get 2 joint injections in her knee.

Rafer was astounded that she was so crazed. He was incredibly brave and such a gentleman. He won the vet over completely. She now wants to take him home with her.

Now we are in for 5 days of oral Banamine, 7 of antibiotics mixed with applesauce, and hosing down little donkey legs and hind parts as needed.

Gale said...

A note to billie:

I'm sure you, Salina, and Rafer are greatly relieved that everything went well yesterday. After all of that, the tooth fairy visit should be gravy. Then you'll be carefree for the summer!

Sending you some powerful healing brays from down South.

ponymaid said...

What a relief to hear young Rafer is unfazed by his visit from the mad slasher. Salina on the other hand, sounds as if she has had a very trying time and needs many, many extra carrots.

Willy, airs above the ground were developed as military tactics long ago and you're quite right to employ them at tooth rasping time. We must use what we have because the other side is far better armed. Your friend Mark sounds rather Doc-like.