Sunday, July 6, 2008

A State of Seige

We are beset by criminal, fur-bearing animals who wear masks, have rings round their tails and whose clever hands make short work of even tamper-proof catches. They operate in teams, usually a mother and two offspring who are in training. The dog chases them when she sees them, but they prefer night-time operating hours, and in fact are quite patronizing with the dog. These criminals eat virtually anything but especially enjoy foodstuffs gotten through illegal means. I almost (almost...) wish we had TJ back for a few hours because I think he would understand their level of plotting , schemeing and general perversity. It would make for an interesting meeting of warped minds. These animals laze away the daylight hours in the treetops but I wouldn't put it past TJ to climb up there and beard them in their dens. so to speak.


The humans thought we donkeys would enjoy a constitutional around the property and so Jack and I donned our halters and off we went. Our walking styles turn out to be at either end of the fast/slow scale. I'm a meanderer, taking slow even steps and stopping often to make observations and smell things. Jack is a donkey on a mission, though what that mission is remains unclear. He strode off down the lane, forcing the woman into a brisk walk. Looking neither left nor right, he adopted an Olympic walking style that soon left the male human and self far behind. I got him to cast a glance over the acres of magnificent potatoes that surround us but then he wanted to be off. He did stop to examine the view from the meadow but merely said "Uh-huh, lots more here ta eat than them there spuds". He's rather food-centric owing to his time of starvation, but I hope he may eventually recognize the aesthetic side of things and not just their caloric value. His pragmatic outlook is similar to that of the masked bandits - life consisits of two categories - edible and non-edible.


Jack of course knows all about the bandit animals and warned me "Them critters is downright despicable - if ya close yer eyes when they're in the locale, count yer whiskers when ya wake up." Now I'm afraid to even nod off - I'm very attached to my whiskers and would hate to wake up with bare patches on my chin.

6 comments:

Buddy said...

Jack's photo with the flowers is just beautiful. You should blow that up and frame it.

Sally - Buddy's Mom

ps - you could sell copies in the Sheaffer store - I might even buy one - LOL

petersdr said...

I just love reading your blog, Sheaffer.

I was on Youtube earlier today and found what I *think* may be TJ's father...you'll see what I mean when you watch the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-fkdPGiDtY&feature=related

robert5721 said...

Sheaffer,
I second Buddy's comments on the picture, but want one of YOU TOO!! Smile and look pretty there bud, you will end up on the wall in Dicey and Liebschen's porta hut !! YOU are their HERO pal!!
Mr Gale

billie said...

Jack is so handsome in his new portrait!

And how dare any raccoon steal your whiskers!

I am still chuckling about Jack's big stride pulling the woman along. What a team you all are together! I propose a TV series. (and we don't even have TV - but would get it for you!)

ponymaid said...

Jack and I are both all for having our portraits in my "storefront", but we would like top hats to give the correct impression of dignity and decorum. They will need to be quite tall portraits, owing to the height of ears and hat. I will instruct the woman to put her tiny brain to work and install those portraits asap.

petersdr - Good God! How that video took me back! That is most definitely a TJ relative, right down to the manic energy level. Those little side kicks, the arrogant head tilt...I just hope I can sleep tonight.

billie - a TV series, eh? I'm not too familiar with that media form, owing to the woman's notorious penny pinching. Someone suggested a "Sheaff-Cam" and someone else a reality series (maybe we could vote the woman out of our barn). Both ideas could work - but should I wait for a large film deal?

billie said...

Oh, NO REALITY TV, Sheaffer! That would be more TJ's style. I am thinking of a nice long-running series on PBS, something very classy and that wins critical acclaim as well as audience loyalty, for you and Jack.

However, a nice Merchant-Ivory film deal would also do you justice, I think.