Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Violet's Thoughtful Christmas Gift

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring - well actually, a mouse

Imagine our surprise when in the middle of last night a light went on in an upstairs window. The top half of the woman appeared and she seemed to be yelling something. Fairly typical - the yelling part. Her hair was standing on end and she was doing a series of clumsy balletic moves. "She's as mad as a hatter", I said to Jack. "Yep", he replied. 'crazy as a bedbug". We just assumed she was having some species of fit and had turned on the light to see better. But no. The feline had thoughtfully contributed a mouse to the festive table and had awakened the woman by loud howling so she could present it fresh and on the hoof, so to speak. The feline believes in combining her gifts with the elements of shock and awe.

A misunderstanding arose when the woman thought it was one of the felt mouse toys, of which the cat has many. She is notoriously short-sighted without her spectacles (the woman, not the cat - the cat has x-ray vision and night goggles). She went to pick it up and put it away till morning and then discovered that it was still moving. Hence the lively riverdance-like routine we had witnessed. Apparently the dog then got in on things and confusion reigned. According to first hand accounts, the mouse had so many holes in it that it looked like it had been the victim of a mob hit with a machine gun.

The woman retreated to bed, leaving the cat to finish off the poor, suffering mouse. The morning light revealed a scene of bloody carnage in the front hall but no sign of a body. This could prove most interesting as the cat has a habit of consuming the top half of the victim and presenting the bottom half as a gift. It looks like a pair of small furry pants with tiny feet and a long tail. Utterly revolting. The cat may be saving it for later presentation, which would be ideal, as another group of humans are coming over to dine this evening. One can only imagine the chaos as fifty percent of a mouse is discovered under the tree or in a gift bag! The cat is saying nothing but is looking even more smug than ever. I will keep everyone updated, but our hopes are high of having another piece of high drama played out for our benefit.

Wishing everyone of you a very happy holiday. I wish you could all be here with me to share in the festive season (not the snow and cold part, of course). There would be hot mashes for all, dry twigs to chew on and lots of those mint sticks. We would finish off the festivities with a rousing game of pin-the-tail-on-the-woman. Joy to the world!

9 comments:

Dougie Donk said...

What a considerate feline - gifts for all!

Best wishes for the festive season from a persistently cold, wet Scotland. My woman says that Santa ( who is he?) has brought me some new blankets & a toy ball that contains food - sounds like unreasonably hard work for a snack, but I remain open to persuasion.

Hope you all receive everything that you wish for. Happy Christmas!

libraryperson said...

What a silly story!

I will be interested in whether you find the rest of the mouse.

Enjoy the snow - there is not much else to do with it.

Christmas hugs from Abracadabra (who hopes that she had a visit from Santa - she was a good girl this year)

robert5721 said...

Sheaffer,
I'll send you and Mr Jack a nail gun to do the tail with....that should be interesting....just keep it AWAY from the Docinator!!
Merry Christmas to all of you up there in the cold north..from us down here with 58 degree and sunny days..
Mr Gale and the Crew at Olde Towne Farm

CindyLouWho said...

Merry Christmas Sheaffer!
Humans can be so ungrateful, but at the same time entertaining! I fervently hope you get a repeat performance today. What a great present Violet has given to so many! I laughed out loud reading it! (note: no lol here - way not intense enough!)
We got maybe the best present of all and I hesitate to tell, because I know that you got a lot more snow... After an ice storm, which left our woman lugging water for 9 days, - it was good for her, she needed the exercise and weight training - and back-to-back blizzards which left us with 2- 3 feet of snow in 3 days, it got warm, windy and rainy last night. Most of the snow is gone from the roofs and the places where the silly woman managed to plow w/out getting her truck stuck, and the snow that is left is a manageable depth - 3- 6". The temp is a balmy 41 with a brisk 15 - 30 breeze which is eating away at the remaining white death. And we have electricity and running water again! Life is GOOD!
Happy Holidays to all!
CindyLouWho & Co.

Buddy said...

Merry Christmas Sheaffer, Jack, Doc and my LOVE Miss Molly. And to everyone who posts here - I hope you are all having a wonderful holiday.

Sheaffer - please give Molly my love and I'm sending Christmas Kisses to my sweet Christmas Floozie.

XXOO

Buddy said...

PS - tell Miss Violet she ROCKS.

XXOO - the kiddens: Mollyana, Billy and Riley

ponymaid said...

Dougie, I commiserate with you on the subject of cold rain. It is almost as bad as sleety snow. I don't know why humans think it is cunningly clever to gift us with items that involve hard work. They're a devious species, much like felines, dedicated to inflicting hardship on the donkeys of the world. Just play along and when she's out of sight, plant a hoof on the ball thingy and try to break it open.

libraryperson - silly animals, yes, well, except for Jack and self, of course. They are still searching for the rest of the mouse but to no avail. Hehhehheh.

Mr. Gale, I await the arrival of the nail gun with tremendous anticipation. Imagine the party fun with that device! 58 degrees? I can't quite remember if it's ever been that warm here...I rather think not.

CindyLou, we heard on the radio of your terrible travails with the white plague. Horrifying. I see your woman got a good workout, what with shovelling and carrying - were you able to supervise closely? They work more efficently that way. I'm glad the stress of overseeing has passed for now.

Buddy, I gave Molly your heartiest greetings but feel that trying to kiss her is far too dangerous, given her substantial figure and and quirky sense of humour. I told Violet that you feel she "rocks" and her reply, while looking me up and down, was that she is ready to move on to larger prey. I am strangely disquieted.

Buddy said...

Hay Sheaffer - moms took a picture of me today in my nice clean navy sports jacket and I want to send a pic to my Floozie Miss Molly - can you send me a email - or could you email me so I can sent this pic to My Girl?

nvsally@horseymail.com

XXOO

Buddy

ponymaid said...

Buddy, one of my Christmas presents was a "mailbox" of my own, which the woman refers to as an email address. I would love to see images of my friends from near and far - could you please send them in something called a Word file - it seems that's the only hope the woman has of getting them onto my blog. My new address is sheaffer1 at live.ca She says she wrote out the "at" bit instead of using the symbol so Nigerian scammers don't find us. I don't know who or what those are but the idea is rather frightening. Also that's a "one" after my name. Molly is oscillating at the very idea of seeing a likeness of you... An oscillating Molly is an alarming Molly. I won't stand too close to her.