Thursday, May 28, 2009

I'm A Victim Of Technical Tyranny

The male human has lent us his electronic writing device during the evenings until my own is repaired. Good thing because mine has "fried it's Mother Board". I have heard of Mother Hubbard, Mother Nature, Mother Goose and Mother Earth but I have no idea who this Mother Board is. In any case, the writing device had a massive colic attack and fell into a comatose state. We are waiting to hear if medical/technical intervention may help.

Now, where was I. I think it best if I jot down random pictures of what I can remember of the day itself. Things really began to move at a frantic pace on Saturday when the woman went to pick up my cakes. The head baker came out and asked her if Sheaffer was her son because the staff had all been wondering about the unusual name. Unusual? I think not. She told them I was a miniture donkey who was celebrating a birthday and the baker bellowed to the others "It's not her kid, it's a DONKEY!" What extraordinary behaviour - I would never be so rude as to bellow at a group of fellow donkeys. "It's not her donkey it's a BAKER!" The cakes themselves were quite magnificent, one having a series of confectionery carrots on top and the other saying "Happy Birthday Sheaffer" and having a theme of musical notes and bars. She told them the Balloon, Noah's Ark and Alphabet Block themes were unacceptable. She baked a third cake herself that looked like two paving stones covered in mud - I'm sure she meant well. The coloured beads on top couldn't disguise the inherent architectural flaws, I'm afraid.

Saturday dawned sunny and fair and we left in a bustle of packing and last minute rushing about. On their part, not mine. Jack cried piteously and herself was so distraught she was only dissuaded with difficulty that he would settle once we were out of sight. She was ready to unload me and stay home. Jack's sitter checked on him shortly thereafter and he was grazing calmly with the horses. We rolled into the party site around 10am.

Such bustle I've never seen! People organizing baked goods, numbering items for auction and setting up tables and canopies and I don't know what else. I was escorted around the entire premises by two delightful young human ladies named Stephanie and Emily. Whenever I would politely suggest another avenue of exploration they would immediately turn in that direction. I met young Ben and Jerry and they were in prime party form - Jerry had put some sort of red glue in his hair as a festive note. Ben is more conservative and stuck with his grey flannel suit. I also met young Nacho and he is a fine lad who is in the process of becoming a large and imposing donkey. It was his first time away from home and he was exemplary. The humans behaved like an ant colony that has gotten into the coffee grounds - made my head spin.

Just after noon Sheila's metal box on wheels hove into view. Out stepped the venerable but undeniably attractive PrimRose, followed by Russel the mule who has gained a good three hundred pounds since arriving at Sheila's disguised as a skeleton. He looks wonderful, as you can see by the pictures. I confess, I was quite smitten by PrimRose and made gentlemanly overtures but alas I was spurned each time. These affairs of the heart are an emotional minefield.

I was then taken to my dressing room where the woman installed my crown (I say it's a tiara) - she says it's platinum with precious stones but I say it's a petroleum by-product, ie.plastic. She made me a purple velvet sash - she said it was velvet but I believe it to be velveteen - I know my fabrics. It was fastened at the front with my birthday award ribbon. All in all quite satisfactory.

The guests began arriving, refreshments appeared and from then on it was a social whirl. All of my guests were charming, witty and impeccably behaved. They brought me gifts of carrots and apples and stud muffins - most of which I have yet to see again. We donkeys (and Russel) mixed and mingled and tried to spend time with each guest. I was talking with CompleteCare, who posts on here, when it was announced the cakes were about to be cut. A chorus of "Happy Birthday" rose to the skies and Winsome Wendy escorted me over to the table where I inspected the three creations. I'll say no more about the third, smaller, mud slab. In deference to my fear of fire, the candles remained unlit. Winsome Wendy slipped me a taste of icing and it was much appreciated.

The hats in attendance were spectacular and the judges, Jacks senior and junior had their work cut out picking the winners. The human who posts for Bouncy Dog took first prize with a dazzling creation that featured not only a fruit motif but a picture of self on the front. CompleteCare took runner-up prize with an equally brilliant piece of hatmaking. It had all sorts of hay-like material stuck on it and also a garland of fresh cedar. It looked delicious.

By the time the festivities wound down, we had amassed a total of $1550.17 for the PrimRose Donkey Sanctuary. Staggering, considering our goal was $700.00! We were all elated, no one more so than Sheila, who can now replace the badly leaking roof on the implement shed. The afternoon ended with everyone feeling tired but exilharated.

I returned home to a warm welcome from all, especially Jack, who tried desperately to get the gate open when I was still halfway down the driveway. He checked me all over for damage and Doc and Molly inexplicably felt the need to wash me thoroughly. Somewhat unnerving but nice to know they care.

There were many humans involved in making this event happen, key amongst them Emi and Rob the humans who worked tirelessly organizing things, buying items and then running my party. Brenda and Jill who baked so many cookies and cupcakes and wrapped so many items. Cindy who used her professional skills to make the silent auction a roaring success and also ran the 50/50 draw. June, who managed to partition baked things in pans with the use of only a plastic knife. Margaret and Lauren who served birthday cake tirelessly and of course Shayla, who helped everyone with everything throughout. Vartkes was my official lensman and will be forwarding an album of photos any time now. And of course many heartfelt thanks to those near and far who donated monies and baking and items for the silent auction.

I know I am forgetting some names but herself has a limited attention span and her brain is beginning to emit a buzzing sound. And so I will sign off for now but the memory of that day will live on. There is already talk of doing it again next year. My sash is neatly folded and my crown polished.


BumbleVee said...

Ya know....... I bet a lot of humans with fingers sticky from cake were petting your fur.... maybe that's why Molly and Doc were "washing" you...they were just licking the icing !!

oh, boy... mother board... just another name for cash cow if you ask me... along with everything else. Nothing lasts anymore does it? ... .... planned obsolescence
.... that's what it is.

Sounds like the party was a great success and from your descriptions...I almost felt like I was there. Thanks Sheaffer.....

Gale said...

So happy you were able to borrow an "electronic writing device" and give us all the details, Sheaffer.

I love the baker story, and I imagine your woman will have to provide the head baker with details on all future orders from that establishment. If your official photographer got a photo of you and your cakes, perhaps they'll hang it in the bakery. Autographed, of course!

You know there can never be too many photos, of course. It's great to put faces to names -- humans AND equine!

How I wish I could have been there to meet everyone and to help.

robert5721 said...

HOW WONDERFUL!! I love to hear of your exploits, and your descriptive passages about all of the goings on. I hope that Mr Jack realizes what a hero you really are and gets over you being away to promote such a worthwhile effort..spend some time with him and he will be just fine with it all I am sure. Maybe the erroneous and odiferous baker can come up with an apology cake for next year.. what a HEEL !! Bet he gets a piece of coal for HIS
Mr Gale

ponymaid said...

BumbleVee, I believe you are right - this is the first time they have exhibited such bizarre behaviour. Typical. It wasn't affection, just a sugar craving. I should know them better by now...Mother Board has not yet returned and we are awaiting a health report most anxiously. There was so much talk swirling around Tuffy that it almost seemed you were there - you would have been bombarded with questions and asked about your plans for a donkey version. You'll just have to attend next year!

Gale, speaking of being with us next year, may I put you and Mr. Gale on the list? Herself will take you to meet the baker who has apparently never heard of a donkey celebrating a birthday...More pictures are on the way - we hope soon.

Mr. Gale, Jack is very firm on the subject of my going away - it can't be allowed to happen, according to him. Maybe if I put a stuffed likeness of myself in my room he won't notice. I've been know to remain motionless for long periods of time. That baker is on my list of badly brought up humans with unfortunate social skills. Pah!

completecare said...

Hi Sheaffer,
It is hard to believe that it has been a week since your Garden Party. My mom and I had to wait until Uncle Ed and His Winsome Wife Wendy came to visit their horse, Dakota, this morning so we could check on the validity of some of the stories our human has been telling us about their trip to your party. You see, our human is prone to exaggeration, fiction and fabrication when dealing with all things "donkey". We should never have doubted her as all the stories she told us were the truth.
From all reports, everyone had a wonderful time and that you were a perfect host - talking to one and all and mingling with the crowds much as the Queen does at her garden parties although I would assume your party was a lot less stressful.

My mom and I were thrilled to hear that our human was talking to the previous owner of a retired police horse that lived out his days with us. She came to your party with Smokey. Lancer was a very large lad and as I was a youngster at the time he certainly gave me something to look up to!!! We were often entertained with stories of his adventures on the streets of Toronto. He set such a good example to all the others at the barn that I feel I acquired some of my military bearing from him. I wonder if the Toronto Police Force would be interested in hiring me as a member of their equine unit???

One final note:Mr Completecare is just finishing up work on the ark. He has decided to add en suite bathrooms to each stall. I think he has been watching too many TV shows!!!! Anyway I hope he will be finished by the time the fall rains start.

Take care,

Your fan, Willy

billie said...

Sheaffer, what a wonderful tale of your party!

I feel I was right there with you.

Buddy said...

HAy Sheaffer - what a party you had - oh my - I'm so upset I wasn't able to attend. All your frens are really cool!

Give Miss Molly my love - although I can tell she doesn't think of me too much - as she has Doc - what she sees in him is beyond my horsie brain.

Take care my fren!


ponymaid said...

completecare - willy, your human was not leading you astray (as humans often do); the party was what Jack calls a "doozie" and I thank you for comparing my bearing to that of the Queen. Very odd she didn't show up...I think the Toronto Police Equine Unit would be very lucky to have you as a recruit - you would be an excellent ambassador at any public function. That's excellent news about the ark; we needed it the last few days. Torrential rain, high winds and frost at night aren't my idea of June weather.

Billie, I'm so glad you had a parallel party for me at your place - it made me feel you were with us in spirit. You mention hot weather on your blog - I can only wonder what it's like to live in a climate where spring starts in February and summer bakes a donkey to the very core. Heaven.

Buddy, you most certainly belonged at my party - there was all sorts of grass to eat and treats were distributed freely (not from herself, needless to say). Don't worry, Molly's heart belongs to you. She has a new fly veil from the silent auction and has ordered the woman to take her picture in it so you can admire her from afar. That horse has absolutely no shame or lack of ego...