Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Sartorial Decisions - This Doesn't Bode Well For Donkey Dignity

The party plans are gathering momentum and the woman's hair is defying gravity even more than usual. It doesn't help that to stimulate thought when confused she pushes her matted locks skywards with both grubby paws. She looks permanently startled these days, much like the Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland. "Do we have enough tables?" she asks, "how many cups of coffee do we need? What if it rains?" Good grief, I can't be expected to know the answers to complicated questions like that.

And now we're on to "What should Sheaffer wear?" This is not something I wish to hear when I'm working on prying a dandelion out from under a stone. I have a blue ribbon that blares "Birthday Boy" in gold letters. Embarrassing but at least I can pretend it's the Legion of Honour or something acceptable. Then she appeared with the most hideous collection of tacky, garishly coloured garlands I have ever seen. They have a faintly Hawaiian overtone but are so gaudy and frankly sinister looking that I might as well wear a shirt with little palm trees and surf boards all over it. She draped these atrocities around my neck and stood back to admire her handiwork. "Yes", she said, "just the thing. You look every bit the birthday donkey." I do not. I look like an idiot.

I had the presence of mind to draw my lower jaw back against my neck, thus placing the loathesome objects in my mouth like a bit. I sawed away on them until she happened to glance over. They were removed post haste but I did manage to tone them down a bit by salivating heavily. I can't even imagine what her next brain wave will involve. White patent leather shoes, no doubt.

In the next few days I will tell you more about the silent auction and the mysterious and wonderful things that are arriving. Cheques are arriving as well so Sheila should have more funding for her rescue donkeys very soon. The PrimRose sanctuary is full to the brim so in addition to raising funds and the sanctuary profile, this event will also tell more people about the specific donkeys who are well enough to go to new homes . I will tell you what we manage to find out- though the woman won't tell us all the details for fear of upsetting us. She says I have led a very sheltered life, but I would contest that hotly. Jack knows plenty of things but refers to his life before he went to Sheila's as "that dark time" and doesn't like to talk about it. And sadly, there are stories much worse than his.

7 comments:

billie said...

Sheaffer, I definitely see you wearing something more refined than flower garlands! I can't wait to see your birthday party photos, and hope that the day is full of joy for you. I know everyone there will be clamoring to give you pats and hugs and much admiration. Keep that in the front of your mind, and let the woman deal with the details and decisions.

If you like dandelions, we have about one million of them in our front yard. I cannot for the life of me consider them weeds to be gotten rid of - and so they propagate and I get to see more of them every spring!

South Valley Girl said...

Oh Sheaffer, you are such a patient and forgiving donkey - your woman probably doesn't even know how lucky she is to have you. You should DEFINITELY hold out for something more dignified than a wreath, though... perhaps a fetching little ascot? To match your eyes?

I wish I could attend your party, but I will think of you and raise a glass to your birthday on the 24th. The Queen is in very good company indeed.

Bouncy Dog said...

Oh YES! You may notice I sometimes wear an Ascot too. And on your Ascot there could be a suitable Floral Emblem.
A Jack-in-the-Pulpit comes to mind.

Appropriate in more ways than one: It's a Spring blooming Wildflower in keeping with the timing of your B'day. A Pulpit would be a very suitable podium from which to give your 3 hour speech. And well ... it's named after Male Donkeys for heaven's sakes.

Perhaps we even could get it officially renamed in your honour. How do you like the sound of Sheaffer-in-a-Pulpit !?

Ben said...

Sheaffer
So many things going on! We, as well, were waylaid by the Vet creature. Perhaps this is some sort of seasonal pestulance. Sort of a largish, short-lived, two legged biting insect. Seemingly resistance is futile..they merely gang up. I tried to maintain a stiff upper lip and a swift hind leg throughout. Jerry, in true form, has apparently developed a like for the taste of Wormer. It's obvious which one of us was not dropped on the head at birth. Avians abound! We have droves of Barn Swallows nesting in.....now get this...the Barn. Lovely swooping acrobats which delight in putting on airshows all day. Not to mention their wonderous skill at reducing the Fly population. Preparations for Your party continue and there is a sense of hushed excitement around here. Much like that prior to a visit by Royalty or at least Tommy Hunter. The Barn man has stepped up our grooming and is fussing over us like a P.O.W. camp guard prior to a Red Cross Comittee visit. Emi lady is wondering around surveying the grounds, making plans and banging her head rhythmically on the wall. Anything that can whip the humans into such a state of distraction needs to happen every year.
Best Wishes
Ben

Buddy said...

HAy Sheaffer - I understand their are some naked pictures of someone floating around your place - would you care to share?

Your fren in Goldeness

Buddy

ponymaid said...

Thank you Billie, I hope she will listen to reason - I live in the land of faint hope. I am remaining very Zen-like about the whole party atmosphere. Let Herself worry about tablecloths and parking spots. I love dandelions more than almost anything else except a good, dry twig. We have them everywhere because the woman won't use chemical concoctions of the greenery. I could see myself with a garland of them around my neck for decoration and light snacking at my party...

South Valley Girl, I am very enamoured of ascots and all they represent. Dignified and yet casual, elegant and yet understated. I will send her out to search for one with a subtle mofif - crossed carrots for example. I wish all my friends could attend as well - I will think of you all. No answer from QE2 yet - very odd.

BouncyDog - a flower named Sheaffer-In-The-Pulpit? Yes, most definitely! Especially since my visit to the church last fall - I feel very closely connected to the Anglican clergy. Surely they can find a suitable pulpit for me somewhere - wide enough to accomodate my impressive girth. A cast-off from a bishop, for example.

Ben my boy, you have been set upon by vets. Did they have red hair - those are the worst. Never happy until they have violated every molecule of your person. I too like those barn birds. We had them at our other place year after year but Sally and Violet won't let them nest in my barn here. I always supervised the flight school for the junior flyers. This party is having a strange effect on all the humans - they look glassy eyed and jumpy, mumbling and making lists. I remain above it all.

Oh Buddy, she told you, did she? I am down to the nearly bare skin and missing approx. eighty pounds of hair. She says I looked ratty and moth-eaten - I did not. A few missing patches here and there but certainly preferable to the buzz cut I now sport. I've hidden her camera but knowing her there will be photographic evidence...

PrimRose said...

Hi - I, PrimRose, Russell the mule and staff had a wonderful time at your birthday party. However Russell complained all the way home he did not get CAKE - I did with icing and it was delicious. Sheila fed it to me on a fork as only a lady should eat cake - hooves are a no-no - besides messes up the pedicure. Russell complained to everyone at stop lights and when we stopped for coffee - HE DID NOT GET CAKE- I told him in donkey bray only a mule could understand he should be quiet or he could be walking home. Arrived at the sanctuary all bright and very happy with the day and of course Russell muttering about CAKE and when it is his birthday he not going to share and on and on!! Sheila was absolutely thrilled with the generosity and has already called the roofer guys to replace a very leaky roof in the shed so we can have three more stalls this winter-kind of ran out of stalls last winter and had to house some in the walkway in the bad weather. Ask Jack it is cozy but a little tight. THANK YOU SHEAFFER AND FRIENDS - WE HAD A GREAT TIME!! PrimRose and staff