This Could have been Predicted

When I saw them drag that tree into the house I thought to myself "This will all end in tears." Sure enough the grey cat who lives in the house tells me there's been a terrible misunderstanding. She thought it was a gift for her; sort of a climbing apparatus/toy dispenser. It's covered in shiny things and yet she is expected to touch nothing. Strangest of all there is some family heirloom that consists of a group of tiny figures in a tiny barn. Apparently, those are highly untouchable and the miniscule people are not to be chased down the heat grate or carried around by their heads. She tried to make amends by leaving her old toys under the tree but the humans aren't interested in an exchange program.

Speaking of toys, I thought it best to give TJ my rubber chewing blob - it's called a Kong - I haven't played with it in years, so I pushed it from the back of my stall and out into the aisle. He beat the thing even more lifeless, keeping us all awake into the small hours. The woman went all maudlin and said "Oh Sheaffer, you do like him afterall!" Amazing how she can leap to such spectacularly wrong conclusions.

She forgot to close the tack room door last night and TJ vandalized the entire room. He ate five pounds of carrots and some mints and tipped over the garbage and went though every item. He tried to operate the pump handle but fortunately couldn't quite manage. All we need is to be frozen to the floor, encased in ice up to our knees when the woman comes out in the morning. He didn't even offer to share the looted carrots - not that I would ever be tempted by stolen property. Molly nearly lost her mind and left dents in the bottom of her door.

The humans keep running off to festive occasions and having mobs of people over here, so many that a donkey can hardly collect his thoughts. To a person, they ask if my New Year's resolution is to lose weight. If only I could talk, there'd be some humans suddenly struck dumb when I began to ask THEM highly personal questions.

Bah Humbug!!

The weather is targeting me personally. It must be. The woman put me back in my room around 11am so I woudn't become too soggy. It takes me a very long time to dry out. TJ first said he wanted to be in and then he wanted to be out...typical. He stayed out and got soaked. Molly mare came in with snow in her feet and did a spectacular and klutzy version of a horse on skates when she hit the aisle floor. She stopped when she kaboomed into the door at the end of the barn. The woman just stood there shaking her head, mumbling about collateral damage.

We had a long driveway at our former place and as a mere stripling I used to gallop up and down it at high speed. If it was icy, I could attain cruising speed and then lock my legs and slide for miles. I also perfected a sitting-on-my-bottom-sliding stunt on particularly icy occasions. Unfortunately, my bottom is somewhat larger these days and doesn't lend itself to sliding. Ahhh, the heady days of youth. I've been regaling TJ with tales of my younger days and he's most unappreicative and says "Shut it, Grampaw", and runs off doing what he considers daring moves in the snow. Pathetic, really.

I hope to melt the snow overnight through sheer willpower but I have doubts...

Tree in House Day

We had our hay in the sun in front of the barn again and it's really the only thing that makes these dark days of winter worthwhile. The snow is as high as a donkey's kneecaps. TJ doesn't care, just charges around all over like a tiny, demonic snow plow. He and Doc staged a Wrestlemania match and Doc ended up licking his face so thoroughly afterwards that it looks like he's wearing glue.

The humans drove off after lunch, clutching various saws, and sure enough, they returned with a tree trussed up on the roof of the car. Every year they go through this ritual - I assume it's so they have something to snack on. Molly was very excited when they returned and ran to meet them while whinnying - of course she thought it was a snack for her. That horse could stay fat in a lunar landscape.

GALE, I would love to see the pictures of your donkeys. I showed TJ how a civilized equine stands for their foot care but he simply can't take it in. Maybe an image of other donkeys being equally composed would help. Can you include it with your comment? I feel the more donkey-influence in his life the better. Just between us, Doc isn't always the best role model - he's inclined toward immaturity himself, even though he's 13 years old.

I will try to post images of the others. The woman took some this morning before the camera froze. You can see for yourself just how intimidating TJ really is. Quite massive and brawny.

Hoof Care Day

We were put back in our stalls around noon because the foot man was coming for his regular visit. I much prefer him to the medical types who show up in the spring and stick needles in us and peer at our teeth while making clucking sounds. The sounds are followed by a medievial procedure called floating. It involves rasps and gags and lots of noise echoing around the cranium.

The foot man is a pleasant youth of some five decades and he's done my feet since I was an infant donkey. We understand each other perfectly. We were in our stalls and TJ was in the aisle and although the man was calm and quiet and wasn't anywhere near him, TJ had a panic attack and threw himself over my stallguard, landing upside down and very nearly bowling me over. He says the man is an evil entity whose goal in life is to torture mini mules. He then proceeded to have several massive attacks of what my grandmother called the "screaming squitters" all over my clean stall. Very smelly and unfestive. Sigh.

He's now letting the woman rub his withers with her hand but he stands there rigid and ready to flee the whole time. I think it's a cunning ruse because the woman hands him a steady stream of treats. Occasionally he fumbles and a treat bounces into my stall and even though it has mule spit on it, I manage to choke it down.

I am so pleased to have other donkeys amongst my readers; it makes me feel I'm not alone in this strange world of other species.

Was that the SUN??

We were quite surprised this afternoon when the clouds parted and the sun burst forth. The woman put our hay out in front of the barn and we thawed out and soaked up the warmth. I find the best way to take advantage of these moments is to press myself against the side of the barn as flat as possible - though it does tend to make my midriff bulge out further on one side.


TJ is finally settling down somewhat. The woman explained to him that he can harass Doc as much as he likes but that I don't appreciate his highly physical sense of humour. Molly lets me hide behind her so that gives me another avenue of escape. You'd need a bulldozer to move Molly when she decides to stay put and she makes such savage faces at him that he pretends he has something else to do.


The seasonal paraphanalia is appearing - but we don't get any at the barn because we feel the need to - ummm - rearrange it. At our other place, Doc and I were allowed to roam on the property and we discovered a huge mass of greenery tied to a porch light. Doc pulled it down and we were so disappointed to find it a fake that we tore it to shreds and trampled the remains. We moved on to a string of coloured lights around the door and enjoyed ourselves thoroughly popping each one and sampling the broken bits. Along comes herself and goes stark staring bonkers. Calls us idiots and vandals and a few other things. I'm not sure how she knew it was us because we were quietly standing by the gate but maybe the hoofprints had something to do with it. We did get a hot bran mash to help the bits get through the system, so that was an upside.

We always get some of the seasonal mints as treats - they're called candycanes - and the male human delivers a bucket of stud muffins on December 25th, but that's as festive as we're allowed to get. The woman says if we get too festive, she'll have to be locked up...hmmmm.

The Weather Outside is Frightful...

I had to borrow from a seasonal tune to even begin to describe the weather we're having. Everything a donkey hates with a passion. The woman let me stay in most of the day - the others preferred to be out for some reason. She closed the tack room door and left the stall doors open and just let me potter around and eat my hay in the aisle.

I did go out for a few hours and was fortunate to witness Doc and TJ wrestling under the barn eaves when a huge sheet of snow let loose and nearly buried them both. Much sneezing and snorting from both and TJ looked like the Abominable Mini-Mule (how appropriate). I also witnessed the woman hanging onto Molly mare's tail and being towed across the ice to the run-in. That horse must be part ATV. She certainly walks as if she has snow tires on all four. Her ancestors are from the Tyrol so she is rather smug about all things winter-y.

I very much appreciate all the nice things people have said about my parade experience. I take my role as a donkey ambassador very seriously and hope to do more meet and greet events in the future. They're talking about training TJ to be my sidekick but I fear there could be lawsuits arising from personal injury and collatoral damage. Maybe if they drugged him senseless and just propped him up...

Resounding Success

The day dawned bitterly cold but it didn't hamper our festive spirit and we arrived at the parade assembly area in good time. This was only my second public event and there was lots of commotion, noisy vehicles and excited children before we even got started. The humans were hampered in their hitching by blue frozen fingers but I stood like a statue, even when they put first antlers, then a Santa hat, on my head, and silver rope reins on my bridle.

Our place in the parade was between a float depicting something called a Ratatouille Movie and behind, an enormous green gravel truck decorated with what appeared to be comatose midgets - I'm told they were actually "elves", strapped to the front. As we progressed, the crowd grew larger and whenever we approached we heard "Ooooooo, look, it's a ....donkey/burro/errr, what is it"? The footing was rather greasy and given my refined foot size, I had to pick my way carefully through the slush.

Fortunately the route is only four blocks long with just one gentle hill, so the spectators didn't hear too much heavy breathing from self. Including my driving partner, Alex the Elk's mother, I had an entourage of six people, the two younger ones passing out candy canes to the public. I realize from today's tour that I quite like the idea of city living and would be content in a second floor flat with central heating and lots of windows with heavy draperies where I could hide and watch street-level activity. Living in a barn pales by comparison. I'm an urban soul forced to live in a rural setting.

Speaking of "rural", young TJ was amazed to see me hop in the dreaded metal box with aplomb and return victorious a few hours later. He expressed his amazement by leaping on me - it seems to be his one reaction to everything in his life. Sigh.

I received many treats and much adulation, so the venture ended on a high note. I will post a couple of photos - the camera froze, so there will be more later from more robust photographic units.