Saturday, November 17, 2007

Best Friend - Hah!

I was standing in the run-in door today, thinking deeply, though I'm told there was the odd snore emanating from self (how they all lie). There was a terrible rustling and rattling behind me and without a moment's hesitation, I leapt a good eight feet in the air and did a standing broad jump of approx. thirty feet. I hit the ground running but the terrible "thing" kept close on my heels. When I was on the verge of expiring, I managed to turn slightly and saw the "thing" was Doc with a shavings bag in his mouth.

Now, Doc knows I have a particular fear and loathing of these things and he finds it incredibly amusing to torment me with them. I've told him repeatedly that these bag things can cover your head and suffocate you or become entangled in your legs and devour you alive. He's just too thick to process the concept. It says right on each and every one of the bag-monsters that human children are prone to put them over their heads and expire. Maybe one day Doc will put the warning to the test - and I won't be the one to pull it off his thick-as-cement-head...

He claims he's "bombproofing" me for the parade. I sincerely hope there aren't any bag-monsters lurking in the crowd. I'm prepared for the eventuality and will exit the parade route at high speed if need be. I'm sorry to say the woman finds Doc's sense of humour most entertaining and the idiot laughed so hard she had to sit down in the middle of the paddock. Fortunately, it's quite muddy right now, so I had the last laugh after all.

3 comments:

Alex the Elk said...

Oh gosh! I cant wait till its my turn to bombproof you!

Cruiser said...

Shaef, my friend . . . the Santa Claus Parade?!?!? Has anyone fully explained what this will entail? I suspect they have been purposefully keeping the truth from you in order to ensure your compliance. You might want to do some asking around . . .

Very, very sorry I was not able to stop in to see you when I was there. You know how it is, those of us who are competent have to serve our responsibilities. I'm sure you understand and, as always, you are welcome here anytime. We now have a young dog whom the cat is moulding to exploit in her plan for world domination so you will find plenty of like minds.

Good luck with that parade thing, dude. Let me know if you want me to send you a plane ticket.

ponymaid said...

Cruiser, I'm sorry we missed you last week - the lone voice of reason. Frankly, I'm highly skeptical about this parade business - those conniving humans are remaining tight-lipped as to my role. This does not auger well. I am still trying to make my way to your house - I very much enjoy the company of cats and also believe in the early moulding of all canines. I will keep you posted on the parade front, and if necessary ask you to stage an intervention.