Friday, January 18, 2008

Doc The Clothes Horse

For obvious reasons - mainly that he is like a horrible plague - TJ has been dominating my blog lately. Today I'll tell you about Doc's secret weakness. Bar bouncer, extreme wrestler, take-on-all-comers, pugilistic Doc, makes it to this stage of winter every year and starts craving his comfy warm blanket. This is the 14hh horse who once, in snow over his knees, took on three enormous warmbloods who broke into his paddock, and fought each one to a standstill. He put his own herd in a corner and battled the intruders single-hoofedly. The last one was a true lunatic, owing to a slight oversight when he had had "the operation"; he still fancied himself very much the stallion and was pursuing the mares in an overtly hostile way. Doc couldn't reach him very well so he lunged upward and grabbed him by the throat, effectively causing him to sound like an out-of-tune tuba. The lunatic turned blue in the face. End of battle.

This is the same Doc who lets the woman know it's time for his winter suit by going through a pantomime anyone could read. He makes himself look small and miserable, turning his head toward the barn and asking to go in. The woman caters to this ridiculous behaviour by rushing to the tack room and rushing back with his winter coat. Before she was back out the door this morning, he had his eyes closed and his head stuck out so she could slide the thing over his head. Pahhh. I never let anyone put clothing on ME - I consider it far too demeaning. The winter coat is a green plaid and Doc has red hair, so the woman has renamed him MacDoc for the winter. What utter nonsense.

Of course, TJ had never seen one of these blanket things and was utterly incredulous. He watched from a distance, eyes wide as feed tubs. He crept up behind Doc and touched the material and leapt back like he'd received an electric shock. This went on for quite awhile. By this afternoon, he was hanging onto the tail cover while Doc galloped around towing him. Given the high winds we have at the moment, TJ actually became airborne at times, looking very much like a dingy being towed by a tug boat (I once saw these at the lake). The woman was not pleased and muttered about the cost of repairs etc. I, however, was quite pleased because it removed the pestilent mule from my orbit for awhile. I will have a chat with Doc and see if he can launch TJ over the fence when they next indulge in this tomfoolery. Then I can honestly say I had nothing to do with his mysterious disappearance. Heh heh heh.


robert5721 said...

Good thought need to stay squeaky clean in case some mules might want to vote for you in the election. Your buddy DOC could carry out the dirty deed.... you just make sure that you are otherwise occupied (like in the barn or whatever) when the "incident" happens. I just LOVE the dingy behind the tugboat analogy....stunning !!
Mr Gale

libraryperson said...

What a bunch of silly animals!!

Gale said...

It’s way past time for me to catch up here!

I salute your readers and their humans who are successful in using the so called “best friend grazing muzzles.” I confess that we have one collecting dust in our barn. I just couldn’t bear watching Petunia amble around the pasture with it on, struggling in utter frustration to nibble a blade or two of grass. (I realize that’s the point, but oh, the guilt when she glared at me!). Besides, it’s dangerous to leave halters on donkeys, isn’t it? So there’s your argument against those nasty muzzles.

Falling fish heads? I’ve seen some mighty strange things in the pastures, but never one of those. We are not far from the Lake Anna Nuclear Power Plant, and some say there ARE fish in those waters, but Mr. Gale believes any such fish creature from that “lake” would glow in the dark. Nothing glowing in our donkey pastures except beautiful donkey eyes! Sheaffer, you do have an unusual assortment of “visitors” to your home…I’m sure that you much prefer the rabbits to the fish heads.

Regarding your plans to run for public office, I feel compelled to warn you that while Dicey would make a great PR donkey, she is indeed quite an attention hog in her own right and might well use her considerable height to overshadow your campaign and steal ALL the stud muffins, carrots, and other assorted goodies – trust me, I’ve seen her do it! Having been exposed to small donkeys, Dicey tries to look “small and cute” and is quite adept at getting people to fall for her tricks. (Hint: just wait for an opportunity to prove your superiority by marching right onto the “metal box on wheels” and then see what happens when it’s Dicey the PR Princess’s turn.)

How exciting to hear about your new neighbors, Fred and Ginger. YES! It’s always refreshing to know that yet more humans have seen the light!

Regarding the unacceptable hay, you will be relieved to hear that even our merry band has, on occasion, turned up their noses at some bales offered, much to my puzzlement and chagrin. When this happens, I quickly remove the offending forage to the nearby cow pasture and replace it with hay from a different bale and yet another, until what I offer is deemed acceptable. We WILL have words with our hay supplier. Even Eric the Farrier had the nerve to say our donkeys are just spoiled. Yes, they are, and that’s okay by me!

Now, on to the new photos you posted. I know you won’t be happy to hear that I think TJ’s portrait is absolutely adorable. Face it, he’s young and cute and full of mischief…it shows in his picture. You, however, have wisdom and maturity on your side and are quite evident in your portraits and writing. Remember, youth and enthusiasm cannot hold a candle to old age and treachery!

MacDoc! For some reason, I thought he was MUCH larger than 14 hands. Hey, so he’s a little squeamish about cold temperatures. As long as he distracts TJ and keeps him from badgering you, what’s a plaid blanket between friends? And if Doc can hold three large warmbloods off in defense of his buddies, maybe you should convince the woman that blanket repairs are simply a minor consideration. Maybe TJ was trying to get that blanket off of Doc to save him from electrocution. Fling TJ over the fence? Surely you jest! For all his foolishness, he DOES continue to demonstrate the superiority of donkeys.

Apologies for the length of my response, Sheaffer; there were several posts to respond to, and I didn’t want to leave anything out in my reply.

ponymaid said...

Gale, you're back! I feared Dicey had you trapped in a tack trunk, resusing to release you till you had paid your ransome with sufficient stud muffins. She does sound like a strong personality - perhaps a bit Margaret Thatcher-ish? I will try to camouflage the foodstuffs so she can remain focused on her PR role. Her most important assignment will be to sit down firmly on TJ whenever it seems he might generate bad publicity for me (read - always). I suggest you tie the "Best Friends" torture device to two automobiles and drive briskly in opposite directions.