Wednesday, May 7, 2008

He Drives a Hard Bargain

I was able to contact the cougar via black bird and offer him the contract of "removing" TJ from our paddock. I was shocked by his response. Apparently he had already heard of TJ and felt I was trying to pull a fast one on him by even inquiring about his services. He said what did I think he was, an idiot, and if I didn't watch it, he would "remove" me. TJ's infamy has spread far and wide. Then the cougar said he might consider it if it involved substantial danger pay, full benefits for himself and family including medical coverage for injuries sustained, and of course a huge signing bonus. Then he said he'd changed his mind and I would be best to approach a SWAT team and see if they wanted the ultimate terrorist removal assignment. Even North America's largest predator won't climb in the ring with the lunatic mule. And I'm supposed to become his roomie.

Molly's cycle of coming in "season" has so thoroughly traumatized all of us that Dr. Diane dropped in yesterday to stab her with an anti-trollope injection. We are hoping and praying it works. Except TJ, who thinks being soaked in stinky mare spray is "cool". The woman took Molly out on the lawn to wait and the neighbours across the road looked out, and seeing only a horse, thought Molly had escaped. Being potato specialists with no equine experience to draw from, this gave them quite a turn and they franically concocted a scheme to lure her into the paddock with an immense carrot while chanting "heeeere poneeee". Then the woman stepped out of a shade spot and they realized their mistake. Hugely releived, they called to tell us about their near-ordeal and confided that they live in fear one of the horses will escape and make a bee line for their pool. Their pool has an enormous fence around it but they believe horses can jump at least eight feet high and once in the pool would have so much fun they wouldn't want to get out. They may be right.


robert5721 said...

Sheaffer, one of our vets has a "Cow Floating Tub"that she rents out....heated water in it even..MAYBE....but even vegetablearians, er, I mean veterinarians may not be dumb enough to lure Mr TJ into the pool, and he might not drown in it either....Oh well....hope the anti trollop shot of luck....
Mr Gale

billie said...

LOL - anti-trollope injection!

Hope all the boys are getting relief from the mare spray!

ponymaid said...

Mr. Gale, I'm quite interested in the cow floating tub - if a mini-mule were to accidentally be held under water for awhile, do you think it might have a calming effect?

We are all waiting anxiously to see it the anti-trollope injection will spare us from Molly's impersonation of a wanton woman.

Buddy said...

Hay TJ - you are very funny and I really liked your story - and the pictures were great!

Gale said...

Thanks for confirming that you are capable of communicating with other species, and what better way than via a bird?

What gives with plans for the shared stall? Has this happened yet? Do you camp out during the summertime, or are you indoors at night? Don't you think your human family should provide a pool for you guys when it's hot outside? If they won't let you into the house, a place to cool off and play in the water is the least they could do!

I hope Molly's feeling better.