He Drives a Hard Bargain

I was able to contact the cougar via black bird and offer him the contract of "removing" TJ from our paddock. I was shocked by his response. Apparently he had already heard of TJ and felt I was trying to pull a fast one on him by even inquiring about his services. He said what did I think he was, an idiot, and if I didn't watch it, he would "remove" me. TJ's infamy has spread far and wide. Then the cougar said he might consider it if it involved substantial danger pay, full benefits for himself and family including medical coverage for injuries sustained, and of course a huge signing bonus. Then he said he'd changed his mind and I would be best to approach a SWAT team and see if they wanted the ultimate terrorist removal assignment. Even North America's largest predator won't climb in the ring with the lunatic mule. And I'm supposed to become his roomie.

Molly's cycle of coming in "season" has so thoroughly traumatized all of us that Dr. Diane dropped in yesterday to stab her with an anti-trollope injection. We are hoping and praying it works. Except TJ, who thinks being soaked in stinky mare spray is "cool". The woman took Molly out on the lawn to wait and the neighbours across the road looked out, and seeing only a horse, thought Molly had escaped. Being potato specialists with no equine experience to draw from, this gave them quite a turn and they franically concocted a scheme to lure her into the paddock with an immense carrot while chanting "heeeere poneeee". Then the woman stepped out of a shade spot and they realized their mistake. Hugely releived, they called to tell us about their near-ordeal and confided that they live in fear one of the horses will escape and make a bee line for their pool. Their pool has an enormous fence around it but they believe horses can jump at least eight feet high and once in the pool would have so much fun they wouldn't want to get out. They may be right.